Blah!

Namastè!

I'm so over it this morning.

By "it," I mean the MOMpetition.

You know, that unspoken competition among moms. The lines drawn by an invisible hand dictating how many likes you need on social media, how big your clique  needs to be, and how outwardly perfect your life must look to be considered a good mom DO NOT hold weight for me.

MOMpetition has no prize. There is no MOMlympics, no gold medal for this "sport."

I don't participate in such, but I do see it. For example, it's almost Halloween.  Babies who can barely hold their heads up are about to be stuffed into little costumes because ADORABLE INSTAGRAM! Never mind the poor wee one would probably sleep through any festivities, or cry. But then again they may be used to it because they've been decked out in intricate, elaborate outfits since their first hospital bath, at birth. MOMpetition dictates, participants indulge. Get them likes and double taps, girl, WORK.

I watch the scene with a bit of disgust, a bit of pity. See, the MOMpetition is driven by low self esteem. Everyone feels good when they are the best at something, correct? The gold medal, the blue ribbon, the chart full of foil stars all equate to being number one. When a mom feels inadequate anywhere else in life, she can lean on the amazing truth that she can give and nourish life. She can take pride in giving her best to her family. She can be happy knowing she's got a superpower--to her babies, she's a heroine. That should be enough to shake the slump. Right?

Not for everyone. Despite how amazing it is to carry a life, and nourish and nurture that life, some still need more. They need the praise, the validation, the approval. The adoration! They need to log into an app or walk into a group and feel superior to everyone. The other moms, who may or may not feel that same need, begin to either flock and coddle OR dismiss and compete. From that point it becomes a race to see who can outdo the next. Not among anyone with a hint of self confidence--but self confidence can be fleeting when everything around is a competition. As long as there is someone with more money to buy those elaborate outfits and costumes, throw those productions known as birthday parties, and plate their kids' snacks as if they're competing for a chef spot at Nobu--there will be a mom who wants to up the ante and outdo them. Not to be a better person, or a better parent, mind you. She's doing this because she needs that top spot. She cannot stand to be outdone, outclassed, or outsmarted, even when it is only in her mind. She'll drive herself batshit crazy in the process, and she won't care.

Until it begins to crumble.

MOMpetition spills over into other areas of life as well. We want the best pics for social media. We expect our husband's to be absolute martyrs during hormone-driven rage/cry/eat episodes that are accepted as part and parcel to pregnancy. (And I will say ON THE RECORD, that's bull--being pregnant is not an excuse to be a whiny, complaining ingrate. The same family and friends set you abuse with your antics now will likely return the disfavor later, watch and see.) Even being BAD is a competition. Some brag about not doing things for or with their kids, because they don't want to conform to the "perfect Pinterest" culture. Refusing to color with your kids when you have the time and opportunity doesn't make you a badass, it makes you a bad ass. Anyone who supports you in this particular MOMpetition event is equally rotten. I said it, I stand behind it, and I'm not backing down.

Moms are competing everywhere, for accolades and brownie pints that don't amount to a hill of dryer lint.

As you know, I'm not necessarily a veteran to this blogging thing. I started it as a part of something else. I was asked to promote that product and needed a public platform. While I am new to blogs, I am NOT new to writing. I hold degrees in English and Communications, therefore I have a good grasp of the pen, so to speak. I am also a natural talent. But--per MOMpetition rules--I cannot and should not be here. This is someome else's tbing, no new girls allowed. Since my first post, I have gotten jabs about "not being first" and even "not being professional." Indignant me said, "BUT I'M HERE AND I'M OWNING THIS SHIT!!!" Mature me said, "Correct on both counts--I did not create the first blog ever and I am not employed as a writer. However I have something to contribute, and I will stand and do just that. There is space for me and whomever else in the blogosphere." I don't like to boast but I will own the fact that a spate of MOMpetitor blogs sprang up in the weeks after mine. I am and remain untroubled, except where my work has been plagiarized and photos, stolen. (Watermarks take care of the photo issue, and I understand that imitation is the sincerest form of flattery.) I imagine those people think they are "teaching me a lesson" or "showing me how it is done." Or maybe they just needed to one-up someone, somewhere, to feel okay for another day. Life is hard.

The crab mentality abounds in cliques rooted to the MOMpetition code.

It's all so stupid.

Note: This is NOT to say ALL moms go all out just for the approval of others. (I have a tendency to do a bit extra myself, because my kids like it! I just happen to not care how anyone else feels. That's the line--when it's done for approval versus when it's done for self.) I am simply addressing those who do.

Anyway...I don't think the MOMpetition days will end anytime soon. Not as long as there are moms who tear others down to lift themselves up.

I'm gonna do my part to make sure it doesn't rage on, though. I embrace the shit out of my Namastè creed and discord is not my thing. I won't be pouring syrup on forest fires BUT I will make myself available to encourage and uplift the moms I come across who are in need. I'm raising girls myself, and I won't indulge the MOMpetition drivel if for no other reason than I am NOT a mean girl and I am NOT raising another generation of mean girls. Happiness is what happiness does, and peace cannot grow in discord. Plus...ain't nobody got time for that. Your competition is YOU--and you can't outrun you, because you will be everywhere you go.

I'd suggest fixing YOU, because if MOMpetition brings you joy, you are broken somewhere. You don't deserve that.

Namastè!

-- Tayè K ♡