Namastè!
I hope you're enjoying a smashing good wee-hours-of-the-morning wakefest. I am!
No, not seriously. I'm up with a thought.
My aunt is visiting Castle Namastè. In and of, that's a great thing. We get to see her, eat her delicious cooking, and bask in her colorful "when Tayè was little" stories.
All in all, it's been a great few days. I've had time to draft some awesome copy for the blog, as well as lock in a few sponsors. While the kids have enjoyed being spoiled, I have enjoyed having a smidgen more time to work on some things I don't usually get to do.
But she's spoiling the kids.
I take the kind, gentle approach to parenting but I'm also a staunch disciplinarian. (Balance!) I make my expectations of each child, crystal clear. The few rules we have are non-negotiable, and I follow up each infraction with a fitting consequence.
This week has been a bit of a trial. My aunt adores the kids, so she's been doling out presents and treats, left and right. Cookies before bed. Relenting to the gimmes in stores. Not enforcing bedtime. Giving three, four warnings instead of the prescribed consequence.
I know a kid cannot be ruined in a week. I'm not dense. I know they won't become morbidly obese from an extra cookie, nor will extra TV time rot their brains to ruins. I know my kids are generally good kids, almost intrinsically so. They are mild, sweet little beings. I am a favored mama in that regard.
However, I already noticed a few changes prior to putting my good foot down.
Note: Putting the good foot down involves a calm, tactful, kind discussion about the business at hand. Putting the bad foot down? Not so much.
See, she may be here for an extended visit. And that means the kids will come to expect this new normal, this wave of indulgence. They will defer to auntie for things they know Mom and Dad won't appease. We would become a house divided.
Perfect example--bedtime is between 7 (Baby Namastè) and 9 (Kids Namastè). This has never been negotiable, as these are the times we calculated to give each kid some them-time to unwind after homework, dinner, and playtime. We also factored in the optimal amount of sleep. These bedtimes are our golden plus, and we like it that way.
Auntie Namastè thinks it's a blast to let the kids stay up late, fueled by the wildness of a sugar rush and the reckless abandon of an overtired, slightly hyper mind. If we don't step in, the kids will decimate entire bags of cookies (homemade not withstanding--that's still sugar!) and pitchers of juice, then work out all their newfound energy by running through all 2800 square feet of Castle Namastè.
If it's not sugar, it's other treats. The kids aren't materialistic, but that doesn't mean they're exempt from the gimmes. When they see a new prize or trinket in the stores, those big pretty eyes glaze over in hopes of getting it. That's how kids work. However Auntie Namastè's made it clear that she will buy those trinkets and prizes, and the kids love it.
They. Love. Presents.
However, we aren't fond of accumulating excess stuff. We like for the to have nice things, don't get me wrong. We work very hard so they can have nice things, and so we can give them things they want.
What we don't do, is indulge them just because. We splash out for holidays, birthdays, and honor rolls. Maybe the random "caught'cha" gift (when a kid is caught doing something really great, without being told or coached, we sometimes reward it) every blue moon.
We certainly don't buy Hatchimals and roller skates because it's Tuesday. *insert customary Tayè smirk*
As I said, I had to put my good foot down. I had to let her know, the rules she was "bending" were set in place for a reason, and that we rely on those rules being respected and followed so our family runs smoothly. The kids have a bedtime because they are growing and need rest. The limited sugar rule exists to protect them from cavities and over consumption of sweets. The limit for toys and such exists to A) keep them from becoming enamored with getting versus having (i.e. becoming materialistic children who are never satisfied) AND to keep the house clear of unused items, a cluttered mess of forgotten gimmes lost in a sea of new acquisitions.
Naturally she was offended at first. How could I deny her the simple pleasure of spoiling the kids, when some kids don't get that luxury?
Easy. One, I'm not denying her anything. I'm just trying to raise little people who don't...
* Love her, or anyone else, simply for what they give to them.
* Expect her (or anyone else) to splash out on gifts and treats every time they see them.
* Associate her (or anyone else) with toys and treats versus good times and fun memories.
Two, I don't want them to think, "Here comes auntie! I wonder what she's going to get for me this visit!" I'm trying to raise them to be excited and heavily engaged with family. I don't dare say I don't want that to include the occasional pressie--I just don't want that to be the reason they are happy to see her.
So far, it's worked. She's been trying to abide by the "no overindulgence" request. She's playing more games instead of buying more. She's reading more stories instead of doling out more sweets. She's having fun with them at the local park instead of jetting to the local shopping mall for trinkets and treasures. She's even cooking with them versus running out to indulge their love of fast food. (I don't buy it often, so the kids go Gaga for it. It isn't forbidden, just a rare treat.)
See, the memories are the thing the kids will hold forever. Not the toys or happy meal indulgences. They went to sleep tonight talking about how Auntie Namastè told them about Montgomery, Alabama. (My half of our family has roots there.) When I bent to kiss them good night I smelled a mix of lavender and mint, because they'd had baths and brushed their teeth.
It's never easy to not spoil a kid. But what we all have to remember is, someone is responsible for that kid and will be knee-deep in the aftermath. It's great to indulge them every once in a while. After all, kids grow up fast!
But it isn't so fun to deal with the entitled, selfish, greedy behavior that can develop as a result of constant, consistent overindulgence.
That's why I nipped it in the bud, and I'd do it again ten times. One thing we've always strived for, for the kids, is stability and decency. Our rules are consistent, which brings stability. Our values impart and cultivate decency.
We want to raise good, solid humans, and we rely on our proverbial village to help us in that regard. We are super thankful to Auntie Namastè, as she is such a valuable ember of our family, so we felt the need to be honest. She took it in stride after the initial displeasure. We are getting on the same page and it's great.
For now I can put that "bad foot" in a sock. No need to tap dance on it.
Namastè!
-- Tayè K. ♡
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