Dining Out... with Baby!

Namastè!

I either have high health or great sleep most days. This early morning I have neither.

As you know, we have a ten-year-old and a sixteen-month-old. As you also know, we don't have a sitter. (It's a delicate balance, which I'll demystify in another post.) We went to dinner yesterday evening. Taking a toddler to sit down, in a restaurant, can be daunting.

No, seriously.

You see, I am a bit of a fancy-pants. On the occasion I opt to have someone outside Castle Namastè make my food, I like it to be in a restaurant with a wine list and reservations. (I don't like wine, but I do like the option to call in so we avoid waiting for a table.)

Now, how does a squirmy, vocal toddler fit this scene?

They DON'T.

At least, not until we teach them.

Because I didn't have the luxury of (i.e. income for) a sitter with our sweet lil' princess, I took her practically everywhere I went. As a result, she learned to behave in a variety of situations. I could take her to quiet places like libraries or seminars, where she'd sit with a book while I attended to whatever my agenda was in that moment. As she grew, she was able to understand about different environments. I unintentionally debunked that myth that children don't understand much by simply doing what I had to do!

Fast forward ten years, a few upgrades to our life's station, and another baby. Baby Namastè, too, goes everywhere with us. He's learning, like his sister, by doing. Going. Seeing!

There wasn't any magic involved, but I've got a few tips.

Choose a golden hour!

Once your little settles into a routine, it's best to keep to that routine as much as possible. For example, Baby Namastè naps at 10 am and 3 pm. This means I don't do elevenses and we never make a dinner reservation before at least six. We have to make sure he's got time to wake up and get his bearings. He's his absolute most pleasant an hour or so after waking, when he's had his milkies and shaken off the after-sleep grumpies.

Don't arrive with starving kids.

Even though the purpose for going to dinner is to eat, you don't want to make the mistake of showing up with hungry little bears in tow. Hungry little ones often become cranky, crabby little ones, after all.

I don't recommend juice or sugary snacks as a way to buffer the "hanger" (you know--the hungry anger!) before dining out. The goal is to avoid a sugar crash, so protein or a carb is a better bet. We offer yogurt, sandwich quarters, or fruit. This way, we arrive with kids who are hungry enough to eat, but not so hungry that they become aggravated while waiting.

Manners begin at home!

Children in restaurants can be either adorable or a nuisance. Period. I say this both as a mom who sometimes takes her babies out, and as a grown woman who sometimes wants to enjoy a romantic meal without any babies present anywhere.

I know, you're ready to get offended. Don't be.

Some kids are holy angels in restaurants. They eat and they smile and they do adorable, yet reasonable toddler antics as they eat and smile. Some kids are holy terrors and torment the entire establishment as they shriek and fight through their meals.

Even scarier? As a parent we will likely all be on both ends of the spectrum at some point!

Note: No need to justify any behavior from any child of yours. I'm not a doctor, psychiatrist, or psychologist, nor am I judging anyone or their kid. I'm speaking from my personal experience. I know everyone has a reason and a justification--I just don't want to hear it. #noMomsplainingZone

Kids need manners and structure at home, before they can practice it anywhere else. For my.babies, I keep it very simple.

* We speak quietly at the dinner table, using our soft voices.
* We eat to satisfaction only, not stuffed.
* We do not disturb others as we eat.

When we have the kids in restaurants, we follow these same rules. Even Baby Namastè can abide by them, as they are simple. We speak quietly to them, and engage with them. As we eat, we watch their cues to make sure they've eaten to satisfaction but aren't stuffed and uncomfortable. Lastly, we keep our conversations and such to our own area.

Practice makes habit. There's no way we could let them run wild at home and then expect them to know how to conduct themselves in public. It begins at home, and should begin early. No need for a ton of rigid edicts--a few simple, consistently-applied principles will suffice.

How do you make them sit?!

The biggest issue with tiny ones and restaurants is the fact that they are just not old enough to sit quiet and still for the average dining experience--most of us go out to eat and stay in the restaurant for 90 minutes or more. That's a LOT for a baby or toddler.

Note: Attention spans vary and differ vastly.

When our tiny diners are bored, they naturally seek entertainment. What's more entertaining than mom or dad's attention?! Doesn't matter to a kid if it's negative attention or positive. They want a diversion and you just gave it to them!

We sit for meals at home. It all goes back to manners and what we apply at home, because the foundation of everything happens there. We expect the kids to sit through meals at our own table, and we make it an engaging, enjoyable time for them. It's simple respect! We respect them enough to teach them, and because they are given respect they naturally reciprocate. When a child feels included and respected, they will almost always behave in kind.

No toys?

Again, back to the "it starts at home." Beyond infancy  we don't bring toys and such to restaurants. We are there to eat, after all. We engage with the kids--conversation, perhaps a very quiet song. We use the wait time to enter their little worlds. Since we sit and eat together as often as we can, the kids are used to not having distractions like toys or games. (Although we do allow them to use the crayons and coloring pages some restaurants provide. It isn't a boot camp after all!)

We don't drag along their toys and games because we don't want them to need a distraction to behave. To that end, we put our phones away.

Yep. You read that right.

We don't use our phones during dinner. If there are to be photos, they are snapped immediately when  we sit down. Naturally we make exception for extraordinarily cute moments, but we don't sit and browse out smartphones while we are dining, not at home and not while we're out.

Meals are one of the cornerstones of family time. We have all day to use phones and the kids play with their games and toys almost from the moment they wake up til the moment they go back to bed! Mealtimes, especially mealtimes outside the house, are special times. We don't like to distract ourselves. Instead, we engage and use that time to enjoy and interact as a family. Mom and Dad aren't busy cooking and serving food, so we get in some excellent quality time.

In refraining from our own distractions, we free ourselves up to not rely on them for our kids. It probably seems hokey,  but try it. You'll notice a difference in the kids' behavior and you'll likely enjoy your mealtime more!

Ah...

With practice, littlest ones can be restaurant savvy just like bigger ones. It's just a matter of patience and practice. They can't learn if they aren't taught, and they cannot master if they're never given a chance to apply.

I hope this helps take the sting out of dining out with your own little bears!

Namastè!

-- Tayè K. ♡