Why My Kid ISN'T a Hashtag

Namastè!

A couple weeks ago, Baby Namastè hit a pretty big milestone. He can now drink from a straw!

Or is it a big milestone? He's nearly 18 months old and most babies do that at what, 6 to 8 months?

Well, yes, on both counts.

Baby Namastè was born with a cleft palate. The roof of his mouth was basically split. So suckling and drinking have required a little more work for him.

I shared the pic that day, chuffed as punch. My little bear had finally gotten that one thing down pat, and since he speaks very well for his age, we are confident he's left the effects of that cleft palate in the dust.

Of course, people were curious as to why we were that excited about a straw!

When our baby bear was tiny, getting his latch right was harrowing. The cleft palate makes suckling  difficult, and can make breastfeeding a nightmare! Add to that his lip tie, and there you have it: a perfect recipe for disaster.

But there was no disaster. We had the cleft repaired, and we worked with lactation consultants and our pediatrician to make sure our little bear could nurse, and later eat, effectively.

"Why didn't you tell us?"

"You never said a word!"

"I had no idea!"

...correct.

I didn't want the attention, first off. I'm a very private person. (Yes, bloggers can be private people. *chuckle*) I did not want people rushing us with questions, suggestions, and/or horror stories. I didn't want his situation to become a public event, because it was exactly not!

My baby was not born to be a hashtag. (Except maybe #awesome or #wildman... those fit him to a tee!)

"But you could have been an inspiration to someone!"

I could, still, it it's meant to be. But! In the midst of dealing with what he needed, being an inspiration or trending topic was not even a thought.

Note: We do care about others and their lives. We just don't feel the need to make our own life, a teachable moment or parable. We just want to live, period. If you take inspiration from that, great. If not, also great--we didn't sign up for that pressure, so we're fine behind the scenes.

So...we just dealt with the cleft and are happy to report, our boyo is as happy and as healthy as can be.

We're we ashamed?

NO.

We know the value of good inspiration. We know how sometimes all it takes is for one family to share their story of triumph to keep another million families going! We absolutely know how all it takes is a flicker of hope...

But honestly, we also know we don't want the static of a public life. (No more than we already lead.) We don't want people stopping us in public, asking a million questions or offering a million suggestions. We don't want our kids' loves to be for public consumption.

We DON'T want the spotlight.

You're probably appalled at this point, wondering why I said anything at all. A blogger who doesn't want publicity?! Gotta be lying.

Nope. I generate my share of publicity, but I'm careful as to what the publicity stems from. I do not kindle the fire with my personal affairs. Ever. The most intimate goings-on of my family's day to day life, are never fed as fodder for SEO and popularity. I generate my buzz by being an engaging, entertaining writer. Or at least, I try...

We would be more appalled if our son could not play at the park without someone asking to see his scar. Without adults clamoring to see him. Without the sometimes unwanted attention that comes with being a "celebrity." We would be more appalled if somewhere down the road, our kid began to feel the other side of being a hashtag.

See, when a baby or kid is sick or facing a particularly harrowing condition, it's natural for people to clamor. They want to spoil and coddle that child, and make sure that child has a wonderful experience despite their "plus one." They want that child to feel as special as can be!

Then that child heals or outgrows the condition.

On the other side, there isn't as much attention or accolade. There aren't adoring "fans" flocking to double tap and thumbs up the child's every move. Some children don't handle that lack of attention well.

...it's almost like what happens to child actors. Some can handle it, but some cannot. Some grow up well adjusted, while others become terrors--self-absorbed, narcissistic, entitled, and spoiled.

Note: This was OUR choice. It's what worked for US. Some families are perfectly comfortable sharing their journeys publicly. (As a blogger I share a fair glimpse of ours as well!) We just were not comfortable sharing as play by play of this particular part of our life. It is our son's journey, and the positive culmination is his to share or not share. We won't take that from him.

We preferred to err on the side of caution and skip that roulette altogether. Our boyo had the privilege of great medical care, and great follow-up, and he's perfectly fine now. Not that his cleft palate was ever considered a sickness. It's just how he was born, and we decided it would be much easier on him to repair it.

He'll get to go through life known as Baby Namastè.

Not "cleft palate survivor" or "the baby from the crept palate posts"! 

That's more important to us. That he has a chance to carve out his own identity.

That's also why neither be nor his siblings names are ever mentioned here. If you know me, you know them--yet while some of their anecdotes and achievenents are shared, I make a point to respect their privacy and foster their right to form their own identities. I chose to have a blog and be a part of social media, but they haven't made those same choices yet.

Right now they are my camera shy, "mom don't say that online" little bears.

They are NOT hashtags. And they won't be, unless they decide to.

Namastè!

-- Tayè K. ♡°

Anxiety: My Plus One

Namastè!

Ugh. Been a busy time of many changes at Castle Namastè--a new Castle, a new business, and a new city.

Generally I love new scenes! I am not the most social person in the room, but I do enjoy people-watching. I'm not afraid of new places or new experiences, so what happened a little while back was a huge shocker.

About two weeks ago, I had the scariest, most physically draining episode in all my 33 years. I couldn't breathe. My mouth was dry but my palms were soaked. My chest was tight. I felt like I was paralyzed. I could hear my heart thumping in my chest, amplified as if I were a stereo. And that tightness I mentioned? Felt like I was having a heart attack because it also hurt. My head was pounding.

...I pretty much decided that was it. I was gonna die right there in my new front door.

When I arrived at the ER, they did all the usual stuff--heart monitor, CT scan, MRI--to rule out stroke and heart attack. By this point I was even more undone and shaking like a leaf. They gave me oxygen so I could breathe a little easier, as I was near hyperventilating.

After all the scans and tests came back, and I'd slept off some of that awful medication, the nurses came in again.

"You just had a heavy panic attack. Have you been diagnosed with anxiety?"

No. Not til then, anyway. Apparently I am a textbook case--I'm overworked,  under a lot of stress, and dealing with a ton of pressure to be good and/or perfect. (The pressure comes from me, which makes it worse. It's very difficult to turn off ones own voice, and my voice ALWAYS says, "You can do that better!" or "You can work a little more, don't quit now.")

It isn't all that surprising. I've been on "go" for months now, with minimal breaks. Every day is a zero to sixty in 2 seconds type deal, and between my work and my responsibilities to my family, I'm only surprised I didn't recognize it myself.

See, anxiety doesn't always look like hyperventilating and marked nervousness. It isn't always tears and shaking. It isn't always paranoia about situations.

In my case it's a drive to be perfect. My business is and has Ben thriving for years now. But suddenly I'm even more a workaholic than ever before. I am.never satisfied with my output. I always expect more or better. Except sometimes, there isn't more or better. At which point I keep going anyway. I feel like I have to constantly prove myself.

Unhealthy and irrational.

That's how powerful our minds are.

I shared this, not for applause (I don't believe in martyring myself to be a good mom, not do I advocate such) BUT to remind you all to take care of yourselves first!

I haven't been doing that the past few months. I have literally taken care of everyone and everything else, and kinda put myself on the back burner til later. Unfortunately I ignored this rule. In the midst of the depression I've been dealing with (losing my grandma has really taken a toll--I have not coped well most days), I worked myself into a frenzy of anxiety as well.

Don't do that. Make sure you're giving yourself an outlet. Make sure you're giving yourself permission to NOT be perfect. Make sure the enemy voice isn't YOURS.

Now...because there's definitely a bit of repairing to do with my spirits, I'm off to paint rocks. I now take Mondays off

Namastè!

-- Tayè K. ♡

Dirty Soap Works 👋 (A Review Post!!!)

Namastè!

A few weeks ago, I received a beautiful package from Calabasas, California.  When I opened it, I was doubly excited.

You see, I was recently granted the opportunity to collaborate with Dirty Soap Works!

Dirty Soap Works is new brand of hand soap and foaming cleanser for kids. It's purple, it smells delicious, and it makes handwashing fun!

Note: While the product was provided in exchange for honest review, the opinions and experiences detailed herein are mine and mine alone.

As you likely know, Baby Namastè's been potty training like a champ! He is getting better and better at using his words and signs to let us know when he needs to go. He's not afraid of the actual toilet now!

But we were having a hard time making handwashing exciting. Let's face it--he is at that age where standing or sitting still for anything (except what he wants to stand or sit still for) just isn't happening. He is our little explorer, our little studier of things.

Our Dirty Soap Works came in a beautiful basket, complete with chalk, watercolor, and bubbles. They made it so super special, and we were so blown away. They really went all out, even including a card with stickers inside for his potty chart. It was almost too nice to open. (Yes, I'm THAT mom...the one who will buy a gift basket and just keep it for lookie-loos. I just adore pretty things.)

Brass tacks.

Getting him to let me wash is little hands wasn't hard. He gets his hands cleaned before and after meals, after a sneeze or cough, and after coming in from outside. He also gets them washed after coming on from an outing. (A quick wipe and is all good but soap and water is my preference.)

Now...I had yet to find his ideal hand soap. He didn't need anything too wild--just something that he would enjoy using, perhaps something that didn't smell like my extra floral, boutique-y soap. I was cautiously optimistic.

The video shows our adorable demo. 

Baby Namastè likes the scent, and he likes the color. 

Momma Namastè likes that the soap is easy to use, and it doesn't take much. (The foam would be easier for toddlers and it is antibacterial--with no triclosan!) I also like the scent, and how this bottle fits in my purse, car organizer, or on our bathroom sink. 

Needless to say, we are definitely impressed with this stuff. We recommend it for anyone--Kids, adult kids, and adults who still want to be kids!

For added cuteness? Lookie-loo. 

This was definitely one of our more entertaining demo/revuews, and I have since purchased 4 additional bottles for my house and car. Because this soap is such a gentle yet effective cleanser, our whole family uses it now. (And I LOVE that the foam is antibacterial and has NO triclosan.)

Namastè!

-- Tayè K. ♡

Starting a Business? (NamasLEARN Series, Ep 5)

Namastè!

Ah, entrepreneurship is everyone's dream, it seems. No one likes the idea of slaving away at another person's company, eking out a living wage for themselves while the business owner lives high off the hog.

It seems as easy as develop a service or product, sell it at a fair price to you and your consumers, and live that good life, right?

Well...

No. It isn't just that easy.  Don't let that scare you, for I am here to help, and I'll share most of what I know. (Hey, a girl's gotta keep something for herself! If I know two things, I can only divulge one--you gotta earn and learn the other through your own hard knocks.)

You need to first and foremost establish some good or at least improving credit (explained here) and you need to have a plan besides quick money and vacations.

AVOID The Traps

The quickest trap I see in business is the multi-level marketing (MLM) companies. You've seen them before--Primerica, ItWorks, YouNique, et al. They're all about the same: Your recruiter will first try to gain your friendly acquaintance (hard sells don't typically work for MLM). They'll ask you about your goals and share their story. They'll show you photos of people just like you who have joined and gone on to make six figures or more. They'll entice you further with promises of the same outcome for you if you only work hard. They assure you there are no ceilings. You can make as much as you want! They'll drill this and other positive affirmations into your head and inbox as often as it takes to hook you. They're not selling you a product, they're introducing you to a better path to wealth!

Just work hard...at either selling astronomical amounts of their products and services OR at recruiting "just 5 people" to your "team." Pay the fee or purchase the classes and/or starter materials, and watch that wealth build, right?

No.

Now...before y'all attack my stance, hear me out.

If there existed a job that could guarantee I'd be my own boss in six months or less, and could make six figures my first year, do you think I'd be doing anything but?! Wouldn't everyone in America work for those precise companies?

You won't be getting your own business through MLM. You'll be a contractor to an already-established company. You'll receive a 1099 tax form, as you are not even an employee of said company but an independent contractor. You don't own a business...a business just employs you--and very conditionally at that.

Don't believe me? Ask any of these "business owners" about their EIN or DUNS number (which you'll know about if you but read a bit further), or if they are registered with Dun and Bradstreet. They don't have them and they aren't--but the company they work for does and is.

Don't fall into the pyramid trap. It's fine if that's what you truly want, but please do your homework. No one will just hand you a business for 99 bucks and a starter kit.

So...How Do I Begin?

You begin by deciding what exactly it is you would like to offer. Do you provide a service or product, or are you a skilled laborer? Once you figure out what it is you want to do, then you can begin laying the ground work.

First, you need to draw up your business plan. The standard business plan has just a few components.

Executive Summary: a snapshot of your business plan; it encompasses your company's profile. It also touches on your goals.

Company Description: a synopsis of what your company is about, what services or products you provide, and who those services and products are geared toward.

Market Analysis: the process of determining factors, conditions, and characteristics of a particular market.

Organization and Management: details your company's hierarchy.

Service or Product Line: what are you providing; the description of what your business offers.

Marketing and Sales: how is the product/service being promoted to prospective customers; how are your actual and/or projected sales lining up?

Funding Request: how much money do you need to make this plan, an actuality?

Financial Projections: taking all factors into account, the financial projection is a data-backed estimate outlining how much money you are expecting spend as well as how much you are expecting to make, in any time period.

When your business plan is laid out...

Get Legalized

And by "get legalized," I mean, secure all required licensure. Register your business name (I recommend a corporation or an LLC [limited liability corporation], and keep reading so I can tell you why!) with your state. There may be different licenses required at different levels--city, county, state. Do your due diligence to avoid problems later, because the powers that be are very generous with licensure fines!

Example: In all my years as a hairstylist, I maintained a shampoo license although I was only a braider. Why? Because while natural stylists (those who do only braids, locs, or twists without any use of chemicals--no relaxers, texturizers, or chemical dyes) don't have to have a license, they do if they will shampoo hair. Why? Shampoo is considered a chemical. This is also why some shops insist you come in already shampooed.

What Are You?

Your business type is very important. Are you sole proprietorship  (owned and operated only by you)? Are you a partnership (owned and operated by you and others)? Or are you a corporation (a company or group legally allowed to act as one person) or a limited liability corporation (a hybrid company with the characteristics of both sole proprietorships and corporations--in which the members of the company cannot be held personally liable for the company's debts or liabilities)?

Personally I recommend being either a corporation or an LLC. I have two LLCs myself. While I certainly don't plan for either venture to tank, the protection afforded to my personal assets by being a limited liability corporation is beyond appealing.

The Numbers Game

The numbers I mentioned earlier--EIN (employer identification number) and DUNS number!

Your EIN is your business's social security number, which you can get right from (and ONLY from) the IRS. NO OTHER SOURCES OF EINs are legal, legitimate, or valid. It is crucial for establishing a separate credit file for your business. Business credit scores range from 0 to 100, whereas personal credit scores range from 300 to to 850. In either case, the higher the better. But with business scores, the only factor is payment history. If you pay your invoices early, you'll range in the upper echelon in no time.

One caveat regarding EIN--don't try to use an EIN as a quick fix to bad personal credit. The moment you misrepresent your social, you are committing fraud. The EIN is for your business, not your shoe fetish or late car payments. It is used to secure funding (loans) and/or lines of credit to allay expenses related to your legitimate, registered, licensed business ONLY. Don't abuse it, because it will be detected and you will face the consequences.

The DUNS number is generated by Dun and Bradstreet, the premier credit rating source for businesses. Any business owner who plans for true success will secure this DUNS number. They are what helps you establish a good business credit rating, as they track your payment history and financial behavior to generate a credit file for your business.

The EIN and DUNS together practically guarantee you can secure at least some funding or credit, although you will still have to prove creditworthiness in the form of timely or early payments.

And then...?

Now that you are registered, licensed, and have secured your EIN and DUNS numbers, you are a LEGIT business owner. (See, you didn't need "just 5 people" after all!)

Keep your taxes paid. Invest in some good accounting software so you are never out of the loop with regard to taxes. Make sure your licenses are always current.

Lastly, best wishes! While entrepreneurship can be daunting at times, it is almost always worth it. You will create not only income, but possibly lay the foundation for generational wealth as well--and who doesn't want to be set in life to the tune of having enough that their kids have a safety net in the form of not only a nest egg but a guaranteed job later in life?!

Do your homework--and if it's for you, dive right in. I gave you the basics, but if it's truly your calling, I won't even have to tell you to dig deeper. Your work ethic and desire to carve out your own path will make you do the remaining grunt work.

...and as always, feel free to fact-check anything I tell you in these informative posts. I've done my desearch, and I heavily encourage you to do the same. I would never intentionally mislead you BUT I also don't want you to blindly follow me. Keep your eyes open and follow me, so you can see where I'm taking you. *wink*

Namastè!

-- Tayè K. ♡