OLD? Nah, Established.

Namastè!

Discoveries abound in these parts!

As is everyone around me, I'm aging. Perhaps not visibly so, but aging is still unavoidable.

I embrace it.

According to the medical charts, I'm bordering on advanced maternal age. According to my 11-year-old, I'm seasoned. According to the younger moms in my scope...I'm the OLD mom.

Can you feel the smirk? Mm-hmm, I'm sure.

In my 20s I was pretty...unsettled. I was never into any dangerous activities or inherently unhealthy situations, and I've been blessed that my only hardships were emotional,  but I still had the bad combination of youthful exuberance and limited direction. I didn't have a set path for life. I was simply flowing along.

I had a job. I had friends. I had pretty much everything.

...then at 22 I became MOMMY.

Shortly thereafter I realized I previously had nothing. Nothing that mattered, anyway. Nothing compared to the joyful maelstrom of raising this little Baby. I didn't have a clue what to do with her but she was mine.

I wasn't the most confident mom. I worried about plastic bottles. I worried about keeping her warm, and about keeping her too warm. I worried about organic food (was it worth it) and the "right" preschool (would I find it?) along with trying so hard to prove my salt as a mother. Every day proved to be more challenging.l, but my baby girl and I muddled right on through. All the knowledge I garnered in college became moot once I logged out of my work system for the day--but all the new information I was absorbing daily as I navigated caring for my baby girl felt priceless.

Fast forward.

At 34 I'm Mommy again. I have the same flutters and moments of insecurity--but they're rooted by wisdom now, wisdom long-fought and hard-won by yours truly. I still ponder preschools and organic food,  because I know the right fuel and the best experiences and education will take my babies further. While I'm not doing their college applications just yet, I'm wide enough to look toward and plan for their futures. I've got a couple years of this mommy'ing thing under my belt. I've got a couple more years of living in general under my belt. I'm still not the expert, but thankfully I'm no longer that sweet little novice wearing tracks in the carpet with her incessant pacing.

I admittedly don't move like I did in my 20s.

For starters, I'm not so obsessed with looks now. (Thankfully I still have them!) When my Princess was a baby, I was determined to be that stylish, put-together mama who had a diaper bag to match my every fancy. Granted I don't look like a garbage pail kid nowadays, my style is far more effortless. I look good, but I focus more on feeling and being good. It resonates outward, which is a real lifesaver on those messy-bun and yoga pants days.

Because I'm not as inexperienced as I was, I'm also not as flighty. When Princess was a baby I legit swayed with almost every study. If it came out that something was good for babies to have, I got one or two immediately.  When an item was revealed as bad, it got chucked, regardless of how expensive it was. (I've always had a thing for shopping and my kids benefit greatly, *chuckle*) Except buying the latest fad gadget only to end up chucking it later is just...not cool. I now trust my own instincts about things. I don't force minimalism and I don't reinforce materialism--I've just learned to basically lean on proven sources and let the rest in one ear and out the other.

Sure, I'm not on the scene with my little ones, drinking matcha shooters and lamenting balancing my unicorn hair with my daughter's snarky onesies or my son's ripped toddler jeans. I'm not battling my older daughter for cool points on social media and we don't share clothes. (She steals my shirts and shoes occasionally but I mean, I'm legit stylish as heck.) I don't run around dressing like her peers but it's pretty cool that she sometimes wants to dress like me!)

I'm ALSO not sitting in a glider knitting a sweater while asking my kids to turn those conflabbed video consoles down. I'm not too feeble to pay on the climbing wall or ride horses with my kids. I can dance with them and I can chase them around.

While I'm not necessarily young anymore, I'm certainly quite the mommy force to be reckoned with.

I have an energy, strength, and confidence that I couldn't have even imagined ten years ago.

As exhausting as motherhood can be, it is my fortè! I make no bones about the fact that sometimes I wish for more sleep, or that my little would quit cluster feeding for two seconds so I can eat a sandwich. That's reality at any age a woman decides to tackle mothering. 

Do I feel like I could be enjpying an easier stretch of life? Maybe--I'm only 34. I don't imagine these are my twilight years! I dont really think about what I could be doing because I used my youth wisely. I've traveled, enjoyed my husband, and fulfilled several bucket lists kid-free. I'm not done by a long shot.

My babies aren't an inconvenience or a road block because they are so fiercely wanted and loved. I traded in my little two-door sports car years ago, because traveling life's highways is not something I want to do unless I've got room for the most important people on the journey.

Sure, I'm the OLD mom.

I dig. As a bonus, I have glitter growing from my scalp. *chuckle*