The Middler Chronicles

Namasté!

I just enjoyed the sweetest snuggle sesh. My little guy had a bath last night, and his lavender soap and shampoo had time to sorta marinate overnight. When he woke me up this morning, he was like a warm cuddly lavender lovey.

No...I don't exactly relish 3 aye em wakeups. I prefer to only meet 3 o'clock once a day, thank you kindly.

But one of the worries I have as I learn to really balance this mommy'ing thing is, how do I make sure each kid gets enough of me?!

When my little guy was born, my princess was already nine and a half years old. She wasn't entirely over me, but she didn't need my attention nearly as much as our nieces and nephews (four of whom lived with us for months and still frequently visit) and none of them needed my presence nearly as much as the baby.

Fast forward--the baby is now nearly 3, and not exactly the baby anymore. Hubby and I are on our third, which means our son has shifted to the middle.

Ah, the dreaded (?) middle. Not only is he in the throes of preschool-ness, but he's not the baby anymore. He's a big brother, but he isn't even a big kid.

I actually felt a lot of guilt about that for a while. While Princess had nine years to be the star, my Baby Bear only got about 2. *sighs*

See, despite my complicated family dynamic, my birth order during my upbringing was pretty straightforward. I was the youngest child my grandma had actual legal guardianship over.  As other grandkids came and went, my "spot" never changed. She never legally took on another kid, so I was always secure with that at least.

As my guy has shifted, I've become way more keen to allot enough time for him. I don't want him to fall through the cracks and end up relating to those middle child jokes later in life.

There's something about being the middle kid that just, I don't know, this at me. He isn't the oldest, so he isn't really expected to be responsible for much. But he isn't the baby, so he's not afforded quite as many opportunities to vent his frustrations or turn up the cute.

He wakes at 3 aye em most mornings (to see Daddy before he leaves for work), and it's ended up being a really good time for me to get in some time with him as well. After Dad has made his exodus to the salt mines, Baby Bear and I snuggle up with a few hundred pillows and just relax.

There's never much conversation. He's usually half asleep, and I welcome that because so am I. We get amongst those many pillows and curl up. We sleep with classical music playing (and these really cool night lights that cast a soft, color-changing glow on everything) and just stay there.

Eventually an alarm will sound and the Princess will awaken, or a baby will wail her displeasure at early morning hunger pangs. But my Baby Bear (I don't care he's a toddler, he will always be Baby Bear to me!) and I often get at least an hour or two before any of that.

Sometimes we get a muffin and share it. Sometimes we venture to the living room and observe the cars outside as they come and go. But mostly we hang out in the big bed, listening to the sleepy sounds of our neighborhood waking up. It's magical!

During the day I check in often with my Baby Bear, especially in the thick of our usual routine, which includes schoolwork he is too little for and baby work he is too big for, because the middle isn't always fun. Being caught between a big sister who can do everything you can't and a little sister who can do almost nothing you can must be frustrating.

Being reminded that you're too big, only to them be told you're too little?!

We've kinda abolished those phrases from our kids' days, except where clothing or sports equipment is concerned.

No, Baby Bear isn't more coddled because he's the middler. We just make a conscious effort to make sure he isn't less so!

As such, he's a happy kid. He's able to let me play with the baby or do schoolwork and video games with Princess. He's not as prone to tantrums, likely because he is not ignored or shrugged off. Even if I'm engaged in something he can't help with (chopping vegetables, washing the tub), I allow him to be my right hand, very near to me, so he can have a bird's eye view of what's happening.

It's really easy to overlook an easygoing kid, y'all. For a wee stretch of time, we took our son's easy nature for granted. We don't now. Now, we make sure he is getting our time and undivided attention BEFORE he throws a fit.

Note: He was never forgotten or cast aside--it's just very easy to neglect the extra cuddles and reassurances when a child doesn't outwardly demand them. Our son is very mild tempered and generally operates on a very even Kiel, so we were lulled into a false sense of maturity there. He didn't "need less" of us. He needed us, just was less keen to demand it. So we adjusted and made sure to make "a little extra," the norm--for all three but especially our middler.

Namasté!

-- Tayé K. ♡