Social Media: NOT Your "Safe Place"

Namastè!

I'm the content queen tonight, I suppose. I welcome the flow of ideas when I can bask in it, so I kind of enjoy (and by kind of enjoy, I mean immensely, completely enjoy and am totally rejuvenated by) these quiet moments.

Social media has been a buzzword for me lately. As I immerse my self more in my blog's social media accounts, as well as my personal ones, I am enthralled at the many purposes these sites serve.

Obviously, I blog on one. I share my thoughts, experiences, and ideas with a worldwide audience (whom I am really thankful for and humbled by each time I log in--you all are amazing). I never have to leave my home--but I can also catch up with you while I'm on the go as well thanks to smartphones.

Social media is a "place" where we can form lifelong friendships. Experience and explore new cultures, ideas, and concepts. Keep abreast of all the current happenings, in the entire world. Share our deepest innermost thoughts and feelings without judgment.

*needle scratch*

Nah, bro. Not that last one.

Social media sites and apps are NOT your safe place, Debra.

Merriam Webster, on the word "safe":

For this idea, I'm particularly keen to examine definition number five, subset B.

"Unlikely to produce controversy or contradiction."

The moment I segued into my point here, that one about social media NOT being anyone's safe place? Yeah...at that moment, many of you proved exactly what I said by immediately contradicting me. 

How, Tayè?

I made a statement. You disagreed. Therefore, you proved that this is NOT my safe place. Not even on my blog, which belongs to me, can I state an opinion (or at times, a fact!) without contradiction from someone, somewhere.

This isn't a big deal in my case. I'm not particularly thin-skinned, and I know not to post anything on any site, that I would be too sensitive about to entertain opposing views OR get a swift kick over.

Note: I command the same respect I give. Period. Alas...even on my own blog site, I am not exempt from people having, and stating, their opinions about each and every thing I say. So I post what I'm comfortable being confronted about. I post what I welcome discussion and even respectful disagreement about. I post what I don't mind having dissected, challenged, a verified or refuted. I keep my sensitive, painful or difficult to discuss, and/or emotionally taxing matters OFFLINE. If I know I probably can't or don't want dissenting feedback, I keep it to myself OR talk to my husband or my true inner circle about it. 

Why do I passionately dissuade people from using their social media posts as therapy sessions?

Well, the fact that we all need therapy sessions extols our (sometimes) brokenness. I am no exception to the whole, "I need someone to talk to, to help me through this" dance. While I work feverishly to effect a life I don't need a vacation from or therapy to survive, I am but a mere human. I break down too.

The thing is, people can be whoever and whatever they want to, online.

The problem with that is, not everyone wants to be nice, supportive, or honest. Some choose to be the complete polar opposite thereof.

The other, slightly more pressing problem is, not everyone has a thick enough skin to withstand those who desire to be trolls, bullies, or generally malignant presences. 

This is not a judgment against people who need and seek support. Just as meeting a life partner online used to be taboo but is now almost the norm, seeking out emotional support online is now too, a norm. I have to make sure I clarify that because someone, somewhere...you know the rest. *sighs* The Butt-hurt Brigade and the Pissed-off Posse never sleep.

However...when a person has gotten to the point of needing a shoulder, but must trust and rely on an online support network, a sad state of affairs has already unfolded. When we feel as if the only way we can get some relief from higher level problems, is to post them online for strangers to pick apart, we are often unprepared for what those humans online might have to say. Some still risk it, just because they don't have that real-time support. They don't have their pick and choose of who will respond to their queries, nor can they ascertain how their requests will be received. Will people laugh? Will their issues be screenshot, passed around, and picked apart? Will they be encouraged to prevail or encouraged to commit suicide?

Note: This actually happens. Appalling, yes. Increasingly common, also yes. People on social media sites and apps will literally take the time to tell a person, kill their self. And even more heart wrenching, some already-broken souls will opt to do just that.

Bullying is a real thing. Cyber bullying is also a very real thing--and more widely spread.

While I absolutely do NOT agree that people should be allowed to terrorize others, whether online or off, I also do not believe people should resort to social media for therapy, acute emotional distress relief/guidance, or clarity on major life decisions and obstacles.

Some could (and most likely will) argue that social media IS for those things, but they would be missing the point.

What's my point?

Social. Media. Ain't. Your. Safe. Place. Debra.

Who's Debra?

Well, she certainly ain't me.

I'm so much against the trend of using social media as a replacement for therapy regarding issues and/or face to face communication with the people actually involved in said issues. I cannot impress upon you just how against this I am. 

You can defend your right to vent. (You have that right, and I would never even attempt to take it away.) You can defend your right to say things where you think you have anonymity. (I'll let you think that--but do refer back to that statement I made about people being who and what they want online.) You can even post all your deepest, most personal, most heartbreaking stuff online anyway, despite knowing people WILL come for it. Some will be there to watch the spark, but others will be there to accelerate the flames and effect an inferno that burns YOU--and you can take that to the bank.

You have the right to vent or post whatever the heck you so desire--and you also have the right (and responsibility) to be sure you can handle whatever may come as a result of that. If you KNOW you have one foot on that banana peel, please get your life. Lift your foot and REMOVE that peel so you don't slip, trip, and fall on your face in some feelings you can't handle. 

Social media is not designed, suitable for, or even moderated stringently enough to be considered a safe place, bro. People create multiple accounts on sites (often with multiple online personas, to avoid being detected) just to be mean sometimes. People pass information and "tea" from one site to the next with nary a thought to the person baring their heart and soul in said "tea," and it's rarely (read NEVER) done to garner help for that person.

I say this. I mean this. I will never ever change my view on this. I am tired of seeing people be hurt or worse from it, and it will never ever be something I stand behind.

Furthermore, people who resort to seeking therapy on social media sites, apps, and forums are usually at their wits' end. They're fragile. They're thin-skinned. They likely CANNOT handle a dissenting opinion, a contradictory statement, or those swift kicks of reality we are all tasked with serving (and receiving) sometimes. This is not an attack on them, but a caution to be careful: If you KNOW you are already teetering on the edge, please don't step on the banana peel. Watch your feet. Tread carefully, in safe areas. Stand on the solid rock, so to speak. Do this for yourself! People on social media are generally not therapists--they are people who have opinions and ideas that may be the complete polar opposite of helpful. Read: very harmful, detrimental, no-good, BAD.

While I fully and wholeheartedly believe we all deserve to have our feelings heard and acknowledged without fear of jusgment, retribution, retaliation, or abuse, that is NOT the reality for social media. It just isn't. Anywhere people are free to be, you will find some who will also take the liberty to also be, malignant. Cancerous. Bad.

A safe place would be free of controversy, contradiction, and judgment. All the time. Period.

Exactly which site or app is this, so I can sign up too?

Exactly, again. Trust me, and take heed. I wouldn't tell you anything to lead you astray.

Social. Media. Ain't. Your. Safe. Place. Debra.

I tell you this, because I care. (Yes, I care. I'm able to freely care about and have love for strangers, because I freely care about and have love for MYSELF.)

As most of my articles tend to be, this is intended to help. If only one person sees this and skips the pity party posts to instead seek and effect real relief for their problems (therapy, change of scenery, etc.) then setting off the Butt-hurt Brigade and the Pissed-off Posse is more than worth it. I'm sure to garner interesting emails for this, either way.

Namastè!

-- Tayè K.