Namaste!
It's a week out from Christmas. Like, seriously. More accurately, five days and a wakeup.
For most of us, this excitement has been building all year long. We've shopped, we've decorated, and we've prepared. We've saved, we've bought more, we've cooed, cleaned, and categorized. Christmas is the main event.
...well, usually.
As you know, Family Namaste is multicultural. We have two calendars to live by, so by the time Christmas rolls around we've all but fizzled out on the whole holiday thing.
No holidays are boring, and we enjoy all the magic of each one. However...by the time we observe 50 or more Hindu festivals. Then birthdays. Then anniversaries (our wedding anniversary...our store opening anniversaries...various wedding anniversaries and birthdays within our extended family [which may or may not be over 500 people now, with nearly 150 of those living within driving distance]...) and manage invites to celebrate others with out friends and colleagues, it should be no surprise that we are sometimes a little less than holidaisical by the time December 25th rolls around.
With all these holidays and festivals come presents.
Yes. Toys, trinkets, jewelry, money...it gets pretty hinky around here sometimes, because it feels like each relative tries to outdo the next. Our kids are in a unique position, but it can be a delicate balance.
The K-kids should, by most accounts, be insufferable little brats.
The moment I took vows with Hubby Namaste, I made him promise that our kids would never be entitled, spoiled, or overindulged. We would do what we could and they would definitely have a good (read: practically charmed) life, but we would not send more insufferables into the world. (You know--the bratty, entitled, insufferable humans who refuse to believe the sun doesn't rise and set on them.) They would benefit from our success for sure, but they would not mistake our generosity for their birthright. Nope.
But how could we not allow their various grandparents, aunts, uncles, and godparents to spoil them?! Isn't that the point of a large family and seriously, what parent doesn't want their little bear(s) to be adored and adulated by everyone within their scope?
*raises hand*
I grew up in a tiny town, in a big nice house with a huge yard. I didn't have electronics. I had some pets, a bicycle, and a designated area to run wild in each day, provided my chores were done and my grades were up to par. Across the pond, Hubby Namaste grew up on a beautiful island, in a beautiful home, with is own set of pets and privileges.
Both had strict parents. Both were probably more spoiled than necessary.
...and both grew up hoping to glean wisdom from the best parts of our upbringing and combine them so our kids could literally have the best childhood ever.
They couldn't have the best childhood ever, if they were horrid brats. So what we came up with is simple: four little rules about gifts that keep everyone happy.
1. Clean out.
Before we go shopping for a holiday or birthday, we do a deep cleaning. We purge all things not used and donate them to make sure other children get to be as happy as the K-Kids.
Note: We do this with the cooperation of our kids, not covertly. They do have the right to keep any item if it's important to them. We also talk with them about the next thing...
2. To whom much is given, much is required.
We can't tactfully curtail all the gift-giving, nor do we want to. But we do make sure our kids behavior is worthy of celebrating. Each kid has an age-appropriate code of conduct to adhere to. The most basic of which includes using our manners, keeping our rooms neat, and completing our chores and assignments. If our kids behave as the pleasant, polite little people we have raised them to be, we have no problem letting aunties/uncles/grandparents/godparents/colleagues spoil them a tad.
If they don't behave like the pleasant, polite little people we have raised them to be...
Well, those little people don't get presents. They get another chance to behave, and if that doesn't work they get a correction or two.
3. Gratitude is the attitude.
Before they can eat it, play with it, wear it, or otherwise enjoy it, they must write a thank you for it. No exception. Even my toddler is required to scribble a thank-you note.
Strict? Crazy?
Maybe. But when someone takes time from their day to give the K-Kids a gift, treat, or even just a simply warm thought, you can hurry up and believe the K-Kids will be taking time from their day to acknowledge that and show the proper gratitude. A little practice now will almost certainly ensure a good habit later. Princes Namaste already knows the routine, and I find t absolutely adorable when she helps her brother with his notes.
Everyone adores those sweet, polite kids. Most don't realize just how easy it can be to foster those traits.
4. It's. A. Privilege.
The main thing we try to instill in them is that all this, is simply a privilege.
It isn't their right. It isn't guaranteed that it will always be this way. It should be appreciated, not expected.
Sometimes we as parents get so busy trying to give the kids everything we never had, that we forget to give them what matters. In my eyes, what matters is way deeper than a room full of toys they only sporadically use or a closet full of clothes they will probably never wear more than once.
They are our absolute sun and moon, and we cherish the little fingerprints they leave on my good china a well as the pitter patter of their little feet in the hallway.
Because we adore them so deeply, we feel it's or duty to make sure they go into the world armed with the manners, decorum, and dispositions needed to help make it a better place. We give them stuff because we can, but we give them boundaries limits, and laws because we must.
Namaste!
-- Taye K.
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