Santa: To Be(lieve) or Not To Be(lieve)?

Namas-HEY!

 

As the holiday approaches (we are currently down to 3 days and a wakeup according to Princess K), the Santa debates are exploding. I typically avoid this particular popular parenting fracas, but this year I had a conversation and it made me want to write about it.

 

My opinion on Santa is not the most popular, because it involves reality.

 

Hold up! Don’t judge me…yet.

 

I approach Santa and his holiday buddies from a practical standpoint. I believe in being honest and upfront with my kids, and I avoid perpetuating any fantasy that would damage their trust in me later.

 

Behhh, to that unpopular reality thing. *sighs*

 

I have always been really particular about which fairy tales I encourage for the kids. I want them to have a wonderful, glowing childhood…but I also want them to be rooted in reality.

 

The reality for us is, Santa is a wonderful story. The idea behind it is beautiful—a benevolent character delivering joy throughout the world for one magical night. This story is fun, magical, and inspiring. It’s a tradition to read it and even watch the cartoons about it (we love Dr. Seuss, “How the Grinch Stole Christmas” especially) all throughout the Christmas season.

 

Why do we do all that only to not “encourage” belief?

 

Well, it goes along the lines of my parenting philosophy.

 

I don’t teach them what to think—I only teach them how to think.

 

Princess K no longer believes Santa might bring gifts to her, or anyone else. She has not for at least seven years. She is a keen kid and promptly figured out the myth. One day we were building a gingerbread house and out of nowhere, my little bird informed me that Santa was not a person but a story.

 

I panicked, internally. I wasn’t prepared to dash her little hopes. I didn’t want her to grow up too fast. I didn’t want to ruin the holiday magic for her! For pizza’s sake, she was four! Realistically, I thought we had a few more years of reindeer, elves, and whimsy.

 

When we had the conversation, I asked her why she thought he wasn’t real. She told me she figured it out because reindeer don’t fly or have light-up noses. (I told you—she’s a keen little bird.)

 

I listened to her thoughts and decided then and there, I had to level with her. I had to be honest and let her know she was, in essence, correct.

 

Thankfully, I had never told her to believe in Santa anyway.

Note: I am always careful about what I tell them--they have to trust me to guide them. Call it overanalytical if you need to, to feel better about yourself, but I don't lie to them. Not even for holidays. Maybe especially for holidays.

It was a fun holiday game, and now she had figured out the card trick. While I was a little saddened (regardless of how practical we are as parents, it’s always a little sad when they become less enthralled by magic in favor of sometimes-boring actuality), I needed this to be a teaching moment. My feelings couldn’t cloud my action, because in this moment she was clearly, distinctly, blatantly trusting me.

 

…so I let her know. I told her that yes, Santa is a story. The point of that story is to inspire and remind us all to be good, and to share love and joy on Christmas.

 

“Why presents? Why not for adults too, since Santa only gives stuff for kids?”

 

“Santa represents the good and right in us all. It is good and right to share, and for that one night Santa brings happiness to kids all over the world. When kids are happy, parents are happy too.”

 

“He doesn’t go all over the world.” Skeptical, hopeful.

 

“Happiness goes all over the world in the blink of an eye. We just have to send it forth.”

 

“So Santa is real, just not a person. Ideas are real, but not touchable. Is that it?”

 

“Yes.”

 

I also made sure to clue her in to a major point: Some kids believe Santa explicitly. That is, they think he is a real person, with a real workshop and real elves. They believe he goes around the world that one special night and brings all the gifts to them and their friends and families.

 

…and there isn’t a thing wrong with that. I told her she was not to crack their eggs, i.e. tell them their beloved Santa was in fact just a story. No one did that for her, and she was absolutely not to do it to anyone else.

 

Fast forward a couple years and another kid.

 

I still have never mentioned Santa in any big way to our son. He’s enjoying the holiday stuff in a big way this year, as he’s old enough to participate in the crafts and games that make the season more special—decorating ugly sweater cookies, watching movies, and telling Christmas stories before bed with a cup of cocoa.

 

He has seen the big guy in stores. He even dances with the animatronic Santa we see in Walmart. He likes Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer. His current favorite is to hear the Grinch story while eating the marshmallows from our cocoa mugs.

 

We haven’t really pressed the issue of Santa because one, it spares him the disenchantment of finding out the beloved character is just that—a character created for a story. Two, he is enjoying the holiday magic as we feel a child should—uninfluenced, untainted, and unbothered; I don’t want to mess that up with my projection of “ideal.” As he gets older, he can decide if he wants to write letters to Santa and leave out those treats. If he chooses, we will play the game with him just as we did his sister. If he opts out, we will make sure he knows not to dash the magic for his friends who may think differently.

 

So… don’t be so quick to judge when a parent says, “My kids don’t believe in Santa.” (After all, exactly how holidaisical is that of you? What part of your Santa system says that people who don't observe the same thing, have to be bad?)

 

It isn’t always that we’ve scrooged our kids or negated a part of their childhoods. It isn't like we woke up one day and decided to spoil the holidays by revealing one of parenting's worst kept secrets. (I promise you, we are not that bored...more importantly, we are not that evil.) Sometimes we have an extra keen kid who puts two and two together. Sometimes it’s not of our culture to indulge such.

 

But all the time, it’s our choice and our choice alone. So...

 

To be(lieve) or not to be(lieve)?

 

Purely, solely, and only up to you and yours.

 

As for me and mine? We enjoy the best parts of the holiday, minus the pressure to give life to a character who, at his purest and truest, is simply a mascot of the spirit of the season.

 

My kids don’t believe in Santa.

 

My kids do believe in the holiday spirit.

 

Whether they’re into the Santa thing or not, I hope yours do too!

 

Namaste.

--Taye K.