10 Reasons I Took An FB Hiatus

Namastè!

I dropped the "namas-HEY." It didn't feel right.

In recent months I've also dropped social media. My IG and personal FB have not gotten love lately, aside from sponsored posts and appearances. I hate to know anyone would be worried on my account...but I also hate feeling obligated to the illusion "online only" friendships foster.

NOTE: I'm super grateful to have bonded and shared my journeys with my tribe. I love swapping stories and experiences. Not a single tribe member could or would ever be discounted or disposed of--but when I realized I needed more healing than a group chat could provide, I also realized I needed to do so completely removed from the pressure of checking comments/messenger/DMs and bouncing ideas off people who were probably as far up NOPE creek as I.

So...if you're still inclined, here's that ten.

10. I was running out of pleasant conversation.

I really ain't the most social creature. I am not at all a butterfly, but instead some weird, always-sleepy moth. Which means I don't always have the energy for the witty banter I like to engage in on my best days. When I'm tired and don't feel like pretending or seeing past my discomfort, I withdraw. I don't apologize for this...but I do take the lumps for it.

9. I was tired. Really tired.

I manage the entire Namastè household because the Hubby works 16+ hour days. Yes, his schedule allows me to be the WAHM I so love being...BUT I also get nowhere near enough rest. I work also--from freelance writing to running the salon to dealing with the farm--and it isn't some glamorous affair. My work isn't JUST a hobby turned profitable.(Although how lucky am I?!) It's draining. Add to that my family responsibilities, and my own 16+hour days are as exhausting as his!

...but, to quote one of my anchors, the law isn't forcing me to take 3 breaks. I'm not guaranteed a lunch and smoke. (In my case the smoke would be "eat chocolate" but still...) So I have gradually stopped forcing myself to get things done. I quit when I'm tired. Social media made me tired...So, I quit for a while.

8. There are other ways to keep in touch...

Facebook and Instagram are convenient. Popular as heck. However, I find that it's quicker to call or text a person than it is to send that "call me" text or message and then wait for the response.

I don't randomly offer my number because people are and can be REALLY weird...but I'm not opposed to a good gabfest every blue moon.

7. Sleep is life.

If you'd ever had a newborn and a toddler, or a newborn, or a toddler, you know this. I'm not always down to be social but I promise you I will nap anyplace, anytime, with any reasonable accommodation. My current go-to is my closet, because no one interrupts a woman in the closet.

6. Iron sharpens iron...but I've been marshmallow.

Know what iron does to marshmallow?

Crushes. Cuts. Smushes.

Yeah. I didn't need any of that. While most people aren't exactly out to break others down, anxiety and depression are funny creatures. By funny I mean, "the world is closing in yet I must fold these towels because I'm trying so hard to function today," not "that's hilarious, we must laugh til it hurts." Laughing only hurts when it's good, or when it's forced. Mine would be forced, and I don't like forced.

When I can't be the right kind of contributor to a situation, I step aside. I can't help anyone else when my own hands are tied. Rather than pour from an empty vessel...you know the rest, because I've mentioned it before.

5. I miss the not-so-old-but-still-somehow-distant days of friends meeting up to have coffee or pizza, and actually TALKING.

I know, I know...being mom/employee/wife/saver of worlds/greatness doesn't leave a ton of time to just veg out.

But I'm really jonesing for that classic friendship vibe. It isn't present on social media. Social media doesn't compare to actual presence, and it often leaves us all feeling a little livelier the when we log in if we are completely honest.

4. Aside from my blog work, I don't have much to talk about.

I used to spend a lot of time curating posts. Is take the best pictures, and write the wittiest or most insightful captions I could conjure, and hit SEND.

...then those perfect posts would just sit there. *chuckles*

But when I have the time and inclination to open up and share an unfiltered slice of life, I get genuine feedback. My "few" words don't limit me unless I water them down by making a lot of noise on social media when I'd really rather be quiet!

3. I value our privacy a lot more since the blog and my kids' little projects have taken off, so I don't share as much.

I have never been a tell-all type of girl. I like to keep some mystery for myself, a piece of me that Instagram, Facebook, and even this blog don't get.

2. Not everything that happens, needs to be publicly hashed...and I get to decide the pieces of our life that do get publicly hashed!

Because of my semi-reclusive tendency, I like to go offline, off the grid, when something big is happening. I like to process things fully before (and as I decide if I will be) presenting them for social media to dissect. That's why I appear so even! By the time something makes it to you, I've already been up, down, and all around it and I'm comfortable sharing. I'm comfortable entertaining opinions, whether they be for or against.

Mainly, I do so to make sure our life stays OUR life. Some things just don't need to go beyond the house, and that isn't necessarily a bad thing. In our case, it's generally good.

1. It is a huge relief knowing I run my social media accounts, not vice versa.

When I created my blog and its accompanying pages, I knew it would be time-consuming. I knew I'd have to spend a fair amount of time making content and curating posts to draw and keep my audience, as well as attract sponsors and cultivate opportunities. I was well-versed.

I also knew I wanted to walk the thin line between really good blogger and PROFESSIONAL blogger. I wanted to be good enough that big companies would work with me...but stay small enough that I could go to Wal-Mart and be unnoticed. That meant I had to write. A LOT. And WELL.

But since I'm not a slave to my online presence, I'm able to carve out a little hybrid existence between planes. I benefit greatly from interacting with people from every corner of the world...

...and now, I'm ok NOT interacting as well.

For a little while I enjoyed the constant buzz. The nonstop notifications. The ever-present messenger dings.

Now I enjoy the freedom of enjoying it without commitment. I log in today and maybe won't log back in until June. It's all MY choice, NOT the stipulations I allowed my stats to force on me before.

It's freeing, in this weird way.

...

My anxiety isn't directly caused or exacerbated by social media itself. (It is postpartum anxiety.) Aside from it being one more thing to tick off my to-do list, it doesn't bug me.

I just currently really dig and like offline connections. Conversations without acronyms. Actual human face to face interaction. Real-time reactions and facial expressions. Real hugs!

Sometimes we all need that.

Namastè!

-- Tayé K.

Schedule? YES PLEASE.

Namas-HEY!

 

I hope you’re having a wonderful year. My family is awaiting something amazing. Also I just couldn’t wait to put 2017 in the rearview. It was a hard year for us in that same way that chewing glass shards and tinfoil is hard.

 

We have only a few weeks left with a one-year-old! Our little guy will be two soon. I’m so not ready but at the same time he has developed by leaps and bounds and I can hardly wait to see what he will accomplish next. He is talking so well and I promise, he learns something new every day. Right now we are doing a lot with colors (all those blocks definitely helped me come up with a curriculum of sorts—he brings me his blocks and we talk about colors) and animal sounds.

 

His schedule seems to be keeping those terrible twos at bay so far.

 

I know, I know. Schedules are for moms who “have time.” Moms who can tie their own day around a toddler’s whims. Most of us hear that word schedule and automatically think, NOPE. Not for me.

 

I used to, also.

 

My son has been in a routine since he was born, but it was set mostly to his hunger. I fed him on demand, and with feedings came diaper changes and naps. When he was tiny, that was all enough. Alas, now his favorite food is not breastmilk, and he spends his days playing and learning. Getting into things is high on his priority list also. We needed to get him on a program of sorts…

 

Without some structure, a toddler will act out. (Big kids will too!) They need the safety of knowing what comes next, and the security that comes with their days following a certain order.

 

Getting our little guy back on program has been a lifesaver recently, as he’s been a little crabbier and clingier than usual. (Kids can sense change!) Because he knows the general flow of his day, he is a lot more comfortable. He eats, naps, plays, and bathes around the same time each day. His temper is a lot less “oh em gee, why are you angry now” and a lot more, “Yes, let’s read that book and then have snackies!” It is a huge relief to kinda have his little world on a set axis so to speak. He knows when things will happen, and it makes those transitions from one activity to the next way more pleasant.

 

Lie and say it isn’t easier to deal with a pleasant toddler. I double-dog dare you.

 

Like most families, we have a lot going on. Hubby has a crazy work week, and since he’s a very involved dad (whom the kids will run slap over, because he’s also a very indulging dad), we desperately needed some cohesion. Our schedule isn’t exactly airtight, as we have some days where it isn’t possible to keep a rigid routine. Hubby sometimes has the kids out, or they may be with their aunt and uncle, and those differences can skew things a bit.

 

Our big boy wakes up at 8 each morning, and has his hygiene and breakfast. (I like to give him a quick wash over in the morning when I brush his teeth—Dad doesn’t do the wash over but puts him in the shower.) His mornings are kept fairly quiet. Library trips or calmer activities at home.  We set the pace for morning to be quiet because that’s also typically my errand time.

 

He gets his first snack around 10 am. I keep his snacks healthy and light—fruit, yogurt, smoothies, goldfish crackers, and sandwich quarters are his favorite. A common cause of tantrums is low blood sugar! When a toddler’s blood sugar drops, they’re naturally more cranky.

 

Example: My guy eats lunch around 12:30—that’s a whopping four hours after breakfast. He isn’t a baby now, and is always on the move. It probably takes no time to burn off his oatmeal and fruit. A few hours later, he is hungry again…which can quickly turn to HANGRY if we aren’t mindful. A hangry toddler is that screaming, whining, demanding little urchin the terrible two legends sprang forth about.

 

After a snack, we move into the higher energy activities. He rides his trike or drives his car around a bit. We do block towers and toddler yoga. We play moving games like Simon Says and Mother May I. All this helps build his appetite for lunch, as well as burn off that good old toddler energy.

 

Lunch happens around 12:30. We eat, wash hands and faces, and have a story or maybe one of his DVDs. After lunch comes a nap, so we keep it kinda chill.

 

Nap or quiet time lasts about an hour. (He’s slept up to two hours, but has lately weaned himself down to ninety minutes or so.)

 

After the rest period, he hangs out and plays with his sister. (She generally finishes up her school day around 2 or 3—her home schooling is another reason we keep mornings quieter.) They ride bikes, play games, and annoy each other until dinner, which happens around 5.30 or 6.

 

After dinner, we all hang out together. It isn’t a structured time, just family time. Usually no phones or other distractions. Hubby is usually home, and the kids get to have time with him unless he’s called back to work.

 

Baths happen at 7. After baths, we read. (I read with and to them every night, even if I have to do so by video chat!) The book is usually one of the calmer selections. Something he can talk about or point out pictures (his current faves are doggies and mommies) but not something that would have him too wound up for bed.

 

We try to always put my little bear down around 8. He usually falls asleep after his book, especially if it is Clifford or his Baboochi book.

 

I used to be that mom who thought moms with schedules were too controlling. I used to chuckle inwardly when I heard them say things like “naptime” and “snack time.” In my own little world, those things didn’t mean anything. But then again, I was a brand new mom and only had my princess to look after. If she didn’t have a nap on time, I could easily adjust.

 

Fast forward: As a mommy to more than one, I live by the schedule (and my toddler occasionally dramatically “fake dies” by it). I am homeschooling my princess, and keeping the little prince on a schedule means I have enough time to really focus with her—and also him. By keeping a routine in our home, each child is guaranteed the amount of one-to-one they need. For example, my princess goes to bed a half-hour later than my prince. That’s an entire 30 minutes to talk, paint nails, help her choose an outfit, or help with her hair. She generally wakes up a little earlier than he does, which allows us another chunk of girl time in the morning.

 

As our family grows, we are figuring and smoothing everything out. The schedule certainly helps. I now know those scheduling mamas weren’t crazy. Nope. They were right on the money. Yes, it can really dampen the spontaneity. (But with kids, what is ever truly spontaneous anyway, other than tummy viruses, tantrums, or those “kids say the darnest things” moments?)

 

My days are not really wound around my kids—I have figured out a way to kinda “braid” my days into theirs so we’re wound around one another!

 

Also…sick bonus: Each child is guaranteed to be in bed by 8.30—can we say SCORE?! After that time I’m free to have an uninterrupted bath or shower. I can catch up on my serials or I can sleep.

 

I know number 3 will disrupt that me-time royally but for now I dig it.

 

Namaste!

 

--Taye K.