Why Women Don't Breastfeed

Because National Breastfeeding Month is upon us, I decided to tackle a different side of the coin.

Warning: This post might make you mad. Frank posts tend to have that effect on some.

Every year I generally share an anecdote about my early days as a nursing mom, some facts and info I've gathered along the way, and some encouragement. I throw in a kickass brelfie or pump selfie. I close by...

...continuing in that vein because I've always done those things year round anyway.

But this year I decided to go left.

As you know, I'm a milk donor. I am tested and milk-bank approved, and I also do peer to peer donations through Human Milk for Human Babies (HM4HB) and Eats On Feet. I have donated over 800K ounces in the past 3.5 years.

I never ask moms why they don't/can't breastfeed. Nothing beyond what I see in the posts. (HM4HB and EOF are Facebook-based, so I see a little about them via their request posts, which typically outline the need and basis of that need.) I try to stay as unbiased as possible. I don't donate by saddest story or most passionate plea--I literally pop in when I have more than I can store and pop right back out when the milk has a new home and another baby has a happy tummy. Because I don't use personal social media beyond milk donations and blog promo (Pages manager requires it), I don't see a lot of the comments to begin with, and I only actually read the post if I intend to  donate.

That being said...

They tell me anyway. Grab your forks and tuck into this meaty read, because I'm getting detailed and deliberate.

Here's the top ten reasons, as told to me by actual moms who will forever remain nameless, why moms aren't breastfeeding.

Note: I warned you that this one might make you mad. But while it is a touchy subject, nothing I write will hit you wrong unless it applies. Also, I'm very well aware of the LESS THAN 2% of moms who are literally physically unable to produce milk, as well as those who are unable due to emotional trauma. But they aren't who I'm discussing--I would never. Tuck your offended away.

Along with those reasons, are thibhs I wish someone shared with them in the right vein--not judgment, just facts to help them make the best choice for them. (NOT necessarily to sway them, but one cannot male the best choice if all the information points to the so-called easy.)

1. I didn't stick with it.

Breastfeeding is natural...but natural and easy are not mutually exclusive. Sometimes when things aren't easy, we just quit. And sometimes when things are coming along easily, we get lulled into a false sense of security and stop putting in effort--then quit because it is not easy anymore. A lack of commitment is probably the number one non-medical reason moms don't continue breastfeeding.

2. I thought I had to use bottles while my milk came in.

Common misconception. We tend to believe babies need far more to eat than they actually do, newborns in particular. We mistake cluster feeding for baby starving, when in reality baby is creating the demand for their new appetites. We don't need to use bottles unless we desire to. Babies will regulate our supply. Trust your body and the baby's instincts.

3. I didn't have support.

Whether it be familial, cultural, or environmental, attitudes about breastfeeding are as varied as the humans who possess them.  Unfortunately a lot of the attitudes that exist in economically-depressed areas (and those populated by women of color) actually tend to steer women away from breastfeeding. Familial pressures are the first issue, naturally. Also, WOMEN ARE NOT RECEIVING THE CARE, EDUCATION (not just run of the mill pamphlets but actual education--information about breastfeeding compiled with consideration for the mom's station in life, be she affluent or poor), AND RESOURCES (free pumps are cool but why aren't more lactation consultants willing to educate moms who might need to pump exclusively AND where are the lactation consultants of color, we need more of both!) TO HAVE SUCCESSFUL BREASTFEEDING JOURNEYS. Although tides are rapidly changing, there is still a tendency to offer formula to babies born in hospitals in these areas. There is an unfortunate scarcity of lactation consultants who understand the lifestyles of women in these areas. A lactation consultant who travels to these places from a more affluent area won't understand the additional constraints these moms face--it often comes down to more than nust worries about milk supply.

4. I didn't realize how important breastmilk is until my baby got sick.

If you browse any milk donation message board, you will see the frantic posts from moms who know that breastmilk is the best food--and also the best medicine. Unfortunately because formula is touted as being "good enough," these moms fall into the game UNTIL their babies are sick. Most doctors will NOT push the issue of breastfeeding (for fear of being accused of shaming, a term people now use freely to describe anything that isn't a pat on the head) but THEY WILL RECOMMEND BREASTMILK if baby is failing to thrive or falls ill.

5. I feel like if donor milk is available, I can just use that.

For as many moms as there are who diligently and fairly utilize donor milk, there are just as many who were simply too lazy to be consistent yet feel their babies deserve that milk too. While I will never say a baby doesn't deserve donor milk, I will say that whenenver possible moms have a responsibility to their babies to be diligent and provide whatever breastmilk they can BEFORE going to those boards. I would donate a thousand ounces to a mother who gave it her best shot before I'd give a single drop to a mom who never attempted. And you will recognize those moms--they swear they have read every article (impressive but untrue); tried every tincture, tea, and treat (except consistently latching and/or pumping--spoiler alert, you must keep at it even when you get half an ounce); and tried every method under the sun...and they will angrily shun any suggestions that they may have missed. Trust me...they missed some. Usually the ones that don't involve a quick fix.

6. I didn't want the baby on me all day.

Any parent can relate to being touched out--but breastfeeding moms get it on a whole 'nother level. These babies are literally attached to us hours of every day. It is adorable for a newborn, but as the babies get older it isn't always quite so endearing. While many moms simply adjust and deal accordingly, some don't. There are plenty of moms who want to hold baby on their terms. Their kid, their choice obviously. But it does hamper breastfeeding and it is a reason some women simply don't nurse.

7. I got free formula from WIC. It was good enough for me and my baby is fine.

Can't argue with free. Just remember that you get what you pay for! Plenty of babies do okay on formula--and plenty more go through pain and discomfort because finding the right formula is a total crap shoot most times. Unfortunately that formula often doesn't last the whole month as babies get older--unlike breastfed babies, formula fed babies must take in more and more formula to get the right nutrition. That often leads to parents padding the bottles with rice cereal (empty calories and starch, also does NOT cure reflux) and even cow's milk to satisfy baby's appetite if they cannot afford the formula. In fact, if I'm not mistaken, WIC actually provides that cereal at six months or so.

8. My milk didn't come in.

Your milk arrives with baby, and changes to suit baby's nutritional and caloric needs throughout your nursing journey, be it two months or two years. Newborns do not receive the white liquid most expect when we mention milk. Colostrum is clear to yellow and thick, like syrup almost. Transitional milk is golden and slightly less viscous than colostrum--this is the golden milk. Finally mature milk is that white or creamy stufd we see in stash pics.

9. I didn't want to stay fat and breastfeeding did not help me lose the baby weight quickly.

Breastfeeding can help you burn the calories quickly and that leads to weight loss--but only if you are burning more than you are taking in, consistently. And this is not the time to be dieting, because simply burning the breastfeeding calories isn't enough if you aren't choosing healthier food and moving your feet a bit.

10. That's for white women.

I usually just sigh here. While my WOC do have disproportionately low breastfeeding rates, especially Black women, it is sometimes difficult to unpack each individual case. Most of it boils down to a lack of support--when your OB/GYN pediatrician, or nurse don't look like you or understand your culture and environment, of course they cannot support you. When your family sees it as something your kind doesn't do, of course they cannot support you. When you're facing all that while trying to carve your own path, of course you will likely cave to their pressure or apathy. It is normal--but very sad.

...

Of course, I encourage every new mom, whether she's on baby one or baby ten, to try. If it doesn't work, any breastmilk is more beneficial and better for baby than receiving none at all.

But I don't just honk the horn or recite the statistics.

I make myself available and will share everything I know (I have had some excellent mentors on this journey!) to help you get your success story.