My Son Will NOT Be Subjected to YOUR Misdirected Misandry

My little Brother Bear had a playdate this weekend.

First, let me paint a little picture for you before I go launching into my rant. Our household is deliberately nice--as in, Hubby and I go out of our way to ensure the little humans see us being polite, courteous, and blatantly kind to each other. This isn't to say we are perfect. Y'all know better. This is, however, to say we make a concerted effort to show our kids that normal people don't go out of their way to be bitchy, rude, or hateful to each other, ESPECIALLY normal people who live in the same home. While disagreements aren't unheard of, we practice our manners consistently enough that I am proud to say our children do as well.

A boy's first example of everything, is his dad. Period. 

In Brother Bear's case, he sees his dad pull out chairs, open car doors, and take very good care of his family. Hubby is absolutely sweet to me and the girls (and definitely lavishes the same on our little Brother Bear, but this post is about why Brother Bear treats his friends the way he does.)

Brother Bear is just shy of four years old. He plays excellently with all kids, but he is usually outnumbered, as we live near more families with little girls than families with little boys. We don't teach him toxic masculinity (boys can only play with boys, blah blah blah) so he plays with whichever kid is available for a park run or Chick-fil-A lunch crawl. 

Because he is only three, I do not entertain ideas of how he might be as a boyfriend, or if he is interested in his playmates.

BECAUSE HE IS MY KID, NOT SOME RANDO ON TINDER.

BECAUSE I FIND PARENTS WHO DO PLAN/ENTERTAIN/CONJECTURE ABOUT THEIR KIDS' DATING LIVES THIS EARLY, INCREDIBLY CREEPY.

BECAUSE...and I cannot emphasize this point enough...HE IS THREE.

Anyhoo...

I made a new mommy associate recently. It began coolly enough. She has kids. I have kids. We both like to introduce those kids to other kids so the kids don't act like cavemen. *shrugs* Since Brother Bear isn't in tot soccer at the moment (season has ended), I have been creating more social outings for him to keep his people skills up and to keep him from running me wild with unspent toddler energy. 

Princess had a birthday party this past weekend, and I needed something for Brother Bear to do so he wouldn't interrupt her girls' night too much. 

My solution? Invite one or two of his little buddies over for snacks and games that afternoon. 

The kids, Brother Bear and a little girl I will call Swan, played nicely all afternoon. I was so proud of how sweet he was to her! He shared his toys and made sure she had enough snacks to eat, and even helped her wipe up her juice spill. I was BEAMING because our guy was behaving exactly as we have taught him to: treating his guest well and looking after them. He treated Swan as he has been taught to treat his sisters--and he was led by the example of how his father treats me!

They got along famously. (My kid can be testy so again, I was beaming inside!) Because they had played Mario Kart at some point in the afternoon, he called Swan, Princess.

Her mom and sisters (Swan's big sisters were there for my Princess, part of the girls' night I arranged the playdate to keep my son from interrupting) then had a grand time of pointing out how Brother Bear would face the wrath of their dad behind calling their sister a princess. Apparently he is one of those behemoth, unevolved men who still thinks it is permissible to rear up and roar at any boy who dares smile at their precious daughters.

All right, sir--allow me to check your nuts real quick.

1. My son is NOT trying to "holla" or "date" your daughter, because he is frickin' three years old. What he is doing, is treating her like a good friend, using his best manners and making sure she is okay.

2. He is in no way afraid of you--because his mama will rip your face off is you even breathe wrong toward him.

3. Please explain why you think it is permissible or acceptable for you to be projecting amatory ideation on toddlers. They are legit not even old enough for preschool but you are here worrying about her love life???

The mom and sisters probably meant it all in good fun. However I don't really find misandry all that funny. And I honestly know the dad has actual worries in the present moment, things that are a little more pressing than a situation he won't be facing for at least another ten years. According to the mom, it won't be a huge worry then because he isn't a consistent figure. 

At any rate, I had to ask her what made her so sure he would be interested in her kid IF he were old enough to be interested in anyone at all. (Again, THE KID IS THREE.) She was a bit offended. 

I legit didn't care. I was pretty offended when she made such an unnecessary observation. I told her she didn't need to project her own experiences onto innocent kids. If anything, her male should be glad someone is showing her how a good friend behaves, because she will surely encounter many who will NOT treat her as well. 

And no, we are NOT raising our son to be a casanova. We are raising him to be a polite, kind human, adding a little light to this dismal Earth! 

It is sad that people are so shitty these days that they cannot receive niceness without attaching unnecessary assumptions to it. As much as my boy likes hanging out with Swan, he will be spending more time with other friends because what he will NOT be exposed to, is her family's misdirected misandry. It isn't our fault they have encountered rude, mean males--and it is not our job to calibrate their compass.