Namastè!
We had unavoidable errands to attend this week, and naturally I had the kids in tow. (Which, let me tell you, is a workout.) In our travels, we ran across an adorable little tot. She couldn't have been more than two or three, and she was precious. Beautiful child.
How did we notice her, in a throng of other equally adorable kids?
Well, because she was being a sassy butt. An absolute brat, if I'm being blunt.
(And no, I didn't conduct some deep study into her life. She was yelling, kicking, and crying over a toy because mom said NO. She even had the wherewithal to BARGAIN with her mom about not throwing things if she got the toy.)
No dice. Except instead of flat out refusing the purchase and letting that be it, the mom bargained right back. It was actually pretty sad, because no parent should actually "have to" beg a toddler.
Request, yes. Beg? No.
So...the kid threw her shoe.
NOTE: I'm not judging, just describing what I saw and how it relates to what I'm asserting. If this child was not encouraged and applauded for being...sassy, as her mom put it...she wouldn't have been comfortable throwing her shoe at her mom in Wal-Mart.
I kid you not...this sweet-faced little girl had an arm on her. She chucked her cowgirl boot right at her mom, because mom refused to buy more Shopkins.
What does Mom do?
Whips out an iPad and some fruit snacks. Clearly embarrassed, totally outdone.
She bought the Shopkins.
Took that L.
My heart did not go out to her, honestly. In a time where t-shirts proudly proclaim our hot-mess-ness, and sharing "cute" stories of our kids' precociousness online and in person is the norm, this behavior is all but programmed. This mom was just suffering the effects of allowing this kid to behave this way over time. (I could tell it wasn't a new thing by how worn down the mom looked, and the smug grin on,the child's face when she got her "prize.")
We love to see little kids acting older, speaking like miniature adults, and throwing their sass and spice as they navigate the world.
*needle scratch*
This is probably going to sound judgy, but NOPE. WE (as in I, Tayé, ME) do NOT find sass appealing. I don't think it's cute. I think it is SAD.
Call me sanctimonious, or whatever helps you feel better, but bratty kids are just NOT adorable.
I mean, I GET IT. It isn't easy to mold a strong-willed little human. Kids have their own personas, from day one. Regardless of how we try to shape them, they are still their own people. I know this. And I'm not one of those moms who expects perfection. (I have a near-2 so I'm well-versed on this new wave of toddlers.)
Our babies now are speaking, thinking, understanding, and feeling way more, way more strongly, than we ever did at their age.
They are also getting away with more, and we (and by we, I mean you, because this ain't my deed) are recording, applauding, and screen-shotting their antics because it's the new thing. Never mind how it stunts them developing the right behavior patterns, or hinders them being ready for everything from the potty to preschool...its funny so we must encourage it. *smirk*
Confession: I'm not a hot-mess mom. There, I said it. I like to keep my proverbial and actual stuff together. I don't take pride in a messy house or eating takeout 5 nights a week. I don't cave to my toddler's tantrums OR my preteen's hissy fits. I don't shop to excess for my kids "because it was sooooo cute." I don't give them rewards their behavior doesn't merit (obviously based on age). I don't parade their bad behavior as the trendy hip. I like my house in order, and I like my kids to behave as if they were raised versus just growing up.
By the same token, I'm not some warden, drill sergeant mom. I get each kid's ins and outs. I know their temperaments. For example, my near-2 is in a precarious place right now as the middler. My preteen is reveling in being the eldest, the BOSS.
BUT...they know their limits. While we let them feel their feels and process their own emotions as they need to, we don't allow them to terrorize the household.
Have we taken away their spark, especially our girls?
No.
By not encouraging or applauding the wrong things, we quite blatantly encourage and foster their desire to do what's right.
Little girls(or boys) throwing fits isn't cute. It isn't endearing. It doesn't set them up for any particular success, except maybe at throwing worse fitslater when they are bigger.
All it does is show them that they can bully their way to the desired result--iPad time, an extra snack, more juice, whatever they're throwing a fit about.
I don't stifle my babies' emotions or their process to develop,g control over those emotions. Toddlers throw tantrums. Preteens,have their moods as well.
The difference between allowing and celebrating is clear, though. I ALLOW them to have some time alone, in their rooms, to be as mad as they want. If the scene in a store is too overwhelming for my toddler, I take him out to the car until he's calm. Period.
The thing the sassy is cute crowds miss is this: We, the general public, dont,want to hear your "sassy" kid screaming down the walls in a restaurant because you didn't give them their choice of dessert. We don't care to encounter them,at the playground, because you haven't taught them to play fairly. We don't want to see their current misbehavior celebrated on Facebook or Instagram.
This "sassiness" is actually brattiness. When you encourage that, you diminish that child's entire experience.
So yeah...we pass on that here in Castle Namastè. Discipline is absolutely a real thing, and we believe in it.
NOTE: The root of discipline is TEACHING...not HITTING. So don't let your misunderstanding upset you.
That's my box for now.
Namastè!
-- Tayé K.
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