As much time as (I hope) you spend reading and rereading my little thoughts and fancies, and as much time as I spend sharing my life here and on IG, I still don't say much.
You know I'm a serious writer, excellent cook/baker, and avid traveler. You know I have a multi-cultural family. You know my kids are adorbs. You know I enjoy a good prank. (Some of my husband's left shoes have still not been found.)
But there's still a lot that you don't know.
In the spirit of transparency, I will now tell you twenty things you don't already know.
1. I am currently writing a book.
It encompasses my experiences as a mom navigating the mom social scene--but it's fictionalized, not autobiographical. It will be light, but there will be some polarizing scenarios as my protagonist finds her "mom niche."
2. I don't watch television.
I read current events and watch interviews on the Web. I get my news via the New York Times, the Times of India, NPR, and the occasional British newspaper. I have no interest in cable, reality TV, or any of the like.
My children are allowed to have television, by the way. I just don't care for it. My guilty indulgence is YouTube--I like watching real people do things, unscripted. Plus I'm addicted to various tutorials.
3. I am actually NOT vegetarian!
I eat many good foods, and I enjoy cooking whatever tastes good, be it a delicious meat stew OR a vegetable dish. I vacillate between meat and non-meat the way some people change channels. I lean more toward vegetables simply because they are more easily digested. I gravitate to meals with the most nutritional bang for my poor appetite's buck.
4. I nearly became a family law attorney.
I scored in the 96th percentile when I took the LSAT. I have all the prereqs. I just decided that law school would take too much time away from my daughter, time I wouldn't get back. My circle argued that I was missing out on a very lucrative occupation, and that I needed to just buckle down for those 3 years so I could be set for the rest of our lives--but those people did not have to see the disappointment in my baby's face when I couldn't attend her extracurricular activities or tuck her in at night. The kid was and is my most important work.
I may finish up that JD (doctorate of jurisprudence--I plan to take it all the way) someday. I like to think I have time, and time spent with my family is never wasted. This is where I'm supposed to be now, and this is what I'm supposed to be doing. As a bonus: I didn't lose out on the salary end of things, either. My jobs pay well and I don't actually have to leave home!
5. I am a social activist. (A real one, not a meme-posting social media vigilante.)
I devote a fair amount of my free time to activism. I advocate for foster children (my favorite is making and stuffing the suitcases for them--can you imagine being uprooted from your 3rd home this month with your belongings stuffed in a trash bag?! Totally dehumanizing!). I help counsel prospective parents through the adoption process. I educate parents about their rights regarding visitation, custody proceedings, and (when necessary) termination of rights. While I chose not to become an attorney, I know and understand the gap in legal representation. So many don't know or understand legal processes and their rights and responsibilities at each juncture, and I help level the playing field.
My main (and toughest...and most polarizing) cause is working to change the misconceptions about Black women. What people see in the media and on television is NOT the average reality.
I am active in breastfeeding education. I believe the best way to break the stigma and normalize both breastfeeding and milk donation, is to talk, talk, TALK about it til it's second nature--and WALK as I talk. Seeing is believing--and desensitizing.
I like to involve my family as much as possible. My children understand why some Saturdays are spent stuffing suitcases, or why even though we are business people, we give out baskets of food and personal items sometimes. They know that we take care of home, them we take care of the community. That is how we leave a mark on the world.
All in all, I try to use my time on this planet to make people smarter and kinder. "Namastè" is NOT just a catchphrase.
6. I speak three languages and understand six.
Because my family is so very diverse, I end up communicating in a total of six languages. I can speak three--Hindi, Tamil, and Spanish. I can understand a total of six--Tamil, Hindi, Malayalam, Telugu, Sapnish, and Arabic. Thanks to our family businesses I encounter people from many different countries, and it definitely helps to be able to talk to them in their native language, or at least understand what is being said even if I cannot respond.
7. As much as I enjoy writing, I hate social media.
My blog pages (follow me here and here) are bustling with activity. I manage my son's modeling page (follow and support here) as well.
...but my personal page gets no love because I actually hate social media.
Why do I use it?
Uh, because I can, Debra.
I jest, I jest...sorta. I can reach far many more people with my pages than I can in day-to-day interaction--because I'm at home with three kiddos and I don't have time for much social interaction. I share my thoughts and also get to enjoy a glimpse of other people's worlds, but I still don't care for social media.
Now MySpace...I still dig that!
8. I ain't a hot mess mom.
I can't get into the trend of broadcasting my shortcomings. I'd rather be seen as a "got-or-getting-it-together" mom.
I don't hide or gloss over my pitfalls and missteps, but I don't feel like deliberately being a half-ass or celebrating fails is all that productive. I can own my stuff, but I prefer my stuff be together. What you see in my blog is me putting it all together, NOT glorifying that it's a bit of a mess in the first place.
9. I ain't a perfect mom either!
Self-explanatory.
10. I have postpartum anxiety It doesn't have me.
Since my son was born in 2016, I've had anxiety. The kind where I shake and hyperventilate when I get too overwhelmed. Fast forward to 2018--it has not dissipated. So while I appear pretty antisocial, I'm really just not able to handle a ton of people at once.
I'm addressing it--and that's why I speak about it. While I'm not a poster child for anything (I'd die under that spotlight!) I do feel that, because I have a platform and a decent rapport with people (especially moms and dads), I should let them know that it can happen to anyone. Even the most well-rounded, level-headed, well-appointed person can develop an anxiety disorder. It doesn't mean you're crazy. It doesn't mean you're defective. It's just a ridiculously heightened hyperawareness about everything and the nothing in between--and you're not alone.
11. I have an entire Instagram devoted to food.
It's literally ONLY FOOD. I didn't want any pictures of myself, my family, or anything that would polarize people to follow blindly or ignore it blindly. It's literally just photos of different things I've eaten and made, at home or in restaurants. It will always be only food. I find it soothing, and because there are no photos of me or the kids, no quotes or anecdotes, it's completely neutral. I don't promote it (this is the only place I've ever shared the link.) because its growth has been completely organic. Don't follow because it's me...follow because you like food and think my culinary adventures are the sauce.
6. I speak three languages and understand six.
Because my family is so very diverse, I end up communicating in a total of six languages. I can speak three--Hindi, Tamil, and Spanish. I can understand a total of six--Tamil, Hindi, Malayalam, Telugu, Sapnish, and Arabic. Thanks to our family businesses I encounter people from many different countries, and it definitely helps to be able to talk to them in their native language, or at least understand what is being said even if I cannot respond.
7. As much as I enjoy writing, I hate social media.
My blog pages (follow me here and here) are bustling with activity. I manage my son's modeling page (follow and support here) as well.
...but my personal page gets no love because I actually hate social media.
Why do I use it?
Uh, because I can, Debra.
I jest, I jest...sorta. I can reach far many more people with my pages than I can in day-to-day interaction--because I'm at home with three kiddos and I don't have time for much social interaction. I share my thoughts and also get to enjoy a glimpse of other people's worlds, but I still don't care for social media.
Now MySpace...I still dig that!
8. I ain't a hot mess mom.
I can't get into the trend of broadcasting my shortcomings. I'd rather be seen as a "got-or-getting-it-together" mom.
I don't hide or gloss over my pitfalls and missteps, but I don't feel like deliberately being a half-ass or celebrating fails is all that productive. I can own my stuff, but I prefer my stuff be together. What you see in my blog is me putting it all together, NOT glorifying that it's a bit of a mess in the first place.
9. I ain't a perfect mom either!
Self-explanatory.
10. I have postpartum anxiety It doesn't have me.
Since my son was born in 2016, I've had anxiety. The kind where I shake and hyperventilate when I get too overwhelmed. Fast forward to 2018--it has not dissipated. So while I appear pretty antisocial, I'm really just not able to handle a ton of people at once.
I'm addressing it--and that's why I speak about it. While I'm not a poster child for anything (I'd die under that spotlight!) I do feel that, because I have a platform and a decent rapport with people (especially moms and dads), I should let them know that it can happen to anyone. Even the most well-rounded, level-headed, well-appointed person can develop an anxiety disorder. It doesn't mean you're crazy. It doesn't mean you're defective. It's just a ridiculously heightened hyperawareness about everything and the nothing in between--and you're not alone.
11. I have an entire Instagram devoted to food.
It's literally ONLY FOOD. I didn't want any pictures of myself, my family, or anything that would polarize people to follow blindly or ignore it blindly. It's literally just photos of different things I've eaten and made, at home or in restaurants. It will always be only food. I find it soothing, and because there are no photos of me or the kids, no quotes or anecdotes, it's completely neutral. I don't promote it (this is the only place I've ever shared the link.) because its growth has been completely organic. Don't follow because it's me...follow because you like food and think my culinary adventures are the sauce.
IG: @ayeeemrsparkar
12. I don't follow anyone on the aforementioned Instagram.
I don't follow back. I don't watermark either.
I didn't want the pressure of responding to comments or liking photos or following back so people wouldn't unfollow me. The growth is organic--people come because they want to, and stay because they want to, and none of it has anything to do with me personally because they don't even know who's behind the account.
13. I cannot rest unless my home is immaculate.
I don't consider it OCD--it isn't that. I just like a clean house and I can't sleep when mine is a mess. I have kids running around and there's baby stuff in every room now, and all that stuff has to have its place before I can rest.
14. I sing!
...and pretty well, too. Unfortunately it's a wasted talent, because I only do so when I'm in the shower or the car. I don't have the nerve to sing in front of people--crowds freak me out.
15. I like the Beverly drink at World of Coke.
I like aperitifs. Beverly is an aperitif. (It's a bitter drink served before a meal...and because I grew up in a home where we regularly had aperitifs [to stimulate appetite, because my parents hated wasted food], I acquired the taste for them and still have it.
16. I'm a mega milk donor.
Because I've never not had oversupply, I was overjoyed to discover the milk donor programs. I don't believe milk donation is discussed nearly enough. I also don't believe I would be more comfortable giving my baby milk from a real live cow as opposed to a trusted donor.
17. I love archery!
I'm a regular sharpshooter with my crossbow, as well as the regular bow. I don't hunt, but I love nothing more than taking a foam block out in the pasture or a far corner of my yard and popping it full of arrows. It's a stress relief. (I only use blunt-tip or suction cupped arrows, because I have no desire to maim anyone or anything.)
18. I am an avid hiker.
I don't strike the tone of an outdoorsy type--and truthfully I'm not. However give me a nice trail to hike or a mountain path to explore and I'm the happiest girl alive. I love Stone Mountain (minus the local derelicts) and my family has been a part of the Braswell Mountain community for years. I'm excited about actual spring (I am convinced we are practicing now) because that means more daylight and better temps to be outside doing what brings me the deepest peace--walking and hiking the trails.
19. Despite my blog and social media, I'm very private.
I manage to tell a lot while actually revealing very little. My philosophy is, I want to be famous enough that my blog thrives for many years, but anonymous enough that I will never be approached in public. I'm shy as heck and while I do enjoy it, I don't want to be consumed by it. My biggest fear is going viral, because then I'll be under a microscope.
To that end, I don't often post photos of myself, and I always watermark or obscure the kids. I generally don't post a ton of me because I am a writer, not a photographer and not a model. I'd rather you take a journey through my food, travels, and mom moments without being so hung up on my face or figure. (Plus, being slightly obscure kinda helps keep the randos [random men] out of my DMs.)
20. I get nauseous at the mere thought of pasta salad.
I love pasta, and I love salad. The idea of pasta salad just makes me want to puke. I don't know why. Just don't bring it to my potluck.
...that's it for now.
Namaste!
-- Taye K.
12. I don't follow anyone on the aforementioned Instagram.
I don't follow back. I don't watermark either.
I didn't want the pressure of responding to comments or liking photos or following back so people wouldn't unfollow me. The growth is organic--people come because they want to, and stay because they want to, and none of it has anything to do with me personally because they don't even know who's behind the account.
13. I cannot rest unless my home is immaculate.
I don't consider it OCD--it isn't that. I just like a clean house and I can't sleep when mine is a mess. I have kids running around and there's baby stuff in every room now, and all that stuff has to have its place before I can rest.
14. I sing!
...and pretty well, too. Unfortunately it's a wasted talent, because I only do so when I'm in the shower or the car. I don't have the nerve to sing in front of people--crowds freak me out.
15. I like the Beverly drink at World of Coke.
I like aperitifs. Beverly is an aperitif. (It's a bitter drink served before a meal...and because I grew up in a home where we regularly had aperitifs [to stimulate appetite, because my parents hated wasted food], I acquired the taste for them and still have it.
16. I'm a mega milk donor.
Because I've never not had oversupply, I was overjoyed to discover the milk donor programs. I don't believe milk donation is discussed nearly enough. I also don't believe I would be more comfortable giving my baby milk from a real live cow as opposed to a trusted donor.
17. I love archery!
I'm a regular sharpshooter with my crossbow, as well as the regular bow. I don't hunt, but I love nothing more than taking a foam block out in the pasture or a far corner of my yard and popping it full of arrows. It's a stress relief. (I only use blunt-tip or suction cupped arrows, because I have no desire to maim anyone or anything.)
18. I am an avid hiker.
I don't strike the tone of an outdoorsy type--and truthfully I'm not. However give me a nice trail to hike or a mountain path to explore and I'm the happiest girl alive. I love Stone Mountain (minus the local derelicts) and my family has been a part of the Braswell Mountain community for years. I'm excited about actual spring (I am convinced we are practicing now) because that means more daylight and better temps to be outside doing what brings me the deepest peace--walking and hiking the trails.
19. Despite my blog and social media, I'm very private.
I manage to tell a lot while actually revealing very little. My philosophy is, I want to be famous enough that my blog thrives for many years, but anonymous enough that I will never be approached in public. I'm shy as heck and while I do enjoy it, I don't want to be consumed by it. My biggest fear is going viral, because then I'll be under a microscope.
To that end, I don't often post photos of myself, and I always watermark or obscure the kids. I generally don't post a ton of me because I am a writer, not a photographer and not a model. I'd rather you take a journey through my food, travels, and mom moments without being so hung up on my face or figure. (Plus, being slightly obscure kinda helps keep the randos [random men] out of my DMs.)
20. I get nauseous at the mere thought of pasta salad.
I love pasta, and I love salad. The idea of pasta salad just makes me want to puke. I don't know why. Just don't bring it to my potluck.
...that's it for now.
Namaste!
-- Taye K.
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