I'm Baaaaaack... (I Know, I Know...I Tend to Leave Kinda Often.)

I've seriously started this post so many times...

I took a little unofficial hiatus from blogging.

*insert dramatic sigh*

I know, I know...I have been on quite a few hiatuses this year, official and unofficial. I never announce them because I'm generally never sure when (and at times, if) I'll be back.

Why?

I'm an adult; I'm allowed.

Not to be unnecessarily cheeky--but that's how I feel most days.

To be a little more transparent, I hit a weird plateau.

1. I wasn't too interested in doing reviews recently. I own practically every breast pump on the market annnnnnd at the end of the day, I have my favorite--but I'm not paid to talk about it so I don't. Plus after almost 4 years, I'm not entirely sure I can bring any new info on that front.

2. I still try to maintain a big separation of blog and private life. I aspired to be the unknown familiar. Kinda like the blogger you don't personally know but relate to? Did good! But that didn't really translatw well when trying to work with companies who prefer celebs and household names.

3. Do you know how many times my friends have shared articles or blog posts that were NOT mine, when the things I wrote were equally informative/entertaining? Do you know how many times I've been sent posts by people who were not sending my posts with the same fervor?! I'm not talking about a meme here. I'm talking about actual things I wrote and was proud of, that got bypassed because a celebrity sneezed during a selfie. I don't care who you are, that will annoy you.

4. Blogging is WORK if you're good at it and actually intend to do something with it. I am and I do, so I needed to recharge.

5. I really had to step back and take a look at who I'm doing this for, why I'm doing this at all. Originally it was for others...now it's purely for my own whims. Maybe I'll be a crafty blogger today; tomorrow I'll talk about mental health and tomato sauce. I decided my scope is based on what I want to talk about and not necessarily what others have deemed popular to read about.

Wha was originally supposed to be a 2-week thing turned into almost two months! I legitimately set out to find a hobby for two weeks to rplace my log--and I ended up on a two-month-long adventure of sorts that brought me rght back.

...so instead of hanging up the keyboard, I knew I had to revamp.

I'll still be writing about parenting, but also more about myself, mainly sharing the insight I'm gaining in other parts of my life. As my little ones grow and begin finding their own litle paths, I'm left with a tiny bit moertime to forge my own new pths. Turns out I like to craft, cook, bake....and write.

Sleepovers? Hard Pass...

I usully try to limit the "I don't do *insert thing*" posts because they're generlly more inflammatory than anything.

I also assume people don't really care what I do or don't do because it doesn't affect them.

Ah, in a perfect world...

But let's get down to it.

I don't allow my kids to host their own sleepovers, nor do I allow them to attend the sleepovers of others. I would possibly venture to say there's exception for family, but we don't live near enough to any relatives that it would ever be a real issue. 

Yes, I attended them as a child. I was lucky to not be traumatized--I never suffered abuse or bullying at any of those few events. They are fond memories. However, people now are NOT like people when I grew up. (Or perhaps we are just hearing about it more due to the instant availability of news and a certain hyperawareness that accompanies parenting these days?)

I don't trust anyone to care for my kids as their dad and I do. Period.

The biggest issue for me?

When a child is visiting a relative, attending a playdate, or participating in a sleepover, they sometimes cry and/or want to go home. And you know exactly what people do.

"Oh come on. You will be fine."

Then the child is cajoled or bribed, or in worse cases guilted, into staying despite not really wanting to.

Now you've disregarded the child's feelings for someone else's comfort or convenience. *facepalm* You made them feel low for wanting to leave, which maybe made them stay in a place they were uncomfortable in, for no legitimate reason.

I really dislike the notion that it's rude for a child to want to leave a sleepover. If my child is in your house and wishes to come back home, I would be livid to find out you cajoled, bribed, or otherwise coerced my child to stay.

We are very big on allowing our children a choice whenever possible. If it's something we feel they can handle, we let them decide their paths. This is why you'll sometimes see Brother Bear wearing a hoodie and basketball shorts, or Tiger Lily will have a chicken nugget in her purse. (She has a purse to match every outfit--and a fixation with chicken nuggets.) There are no big consequences to either choice, so they can have them.

However we DO NOT feel they are prepared just yet to have an entire night away from home, in someone else's home, just to sleep.

I know sleepovers are full of games and fun, but a play date is enough games and fun for my kids right now. They can do all the best activities and then be costly tucked into their own beds, in the safett and security of their own home, with their own parents just down the corridor.

Which brings me to my next point...

I also don't host sleepovers at our home.

I love my kids' little friends as of they were my own. I enjoy them visiting and hanging out.

I just know they are the same ages as my kids--which means they aren't prepared to make a sleepover decision either.

Candy Grapes!

Namasté!

It's my second favorite time of year, y'all!

The first favorite, of course, is growing season. (Follow my friend's blog for all kinds of gardening tips--she taught me sooooo much.) But now is the time for holidays and festivals--and holidays and festivals mean treats and sweets!

In the name of creativity, I like incorporating some fruit into the festivities. We eat fruit platters and trays at every gathering, and I like finding new ways to serve them without adding too much sugar OR prep time.

Enter, CANDY GRAPES.

Candy grapes are delicious, and they can be as tart or as sweet as you like.

1 pound grapes
3 boxes Jello mix
Coordinating Koolaid powder

Wash the grapes. I personally prefer the Pristine grapes, found in Publix and Sam's. I use Sweeties too, from Kroger. They are large and sweet.

In a separate bowl(s), mix your dry gelatin with the dry Koolaid powder. (Coordinate the flavors or mix and match!) Make sure it's blended pretty well--the resulting powder will be light (gelatin) with dark flecks (koolaid powder). You want it blended evenly so your grapes have a sweet and tart flavor.

One bowl per flavor.

Now...back to those grapes! Dip the grapes in water, shake off the excess, and then put them in the gelatin and koolaid powder. Shake the powder bowl so it coats the grapes.

Sit the coated grapes on a cookie sheet.

Refrigerate for about an hour. (Three hours or even overnight is best--the gelatin sets up a candy shell as it sits.)

Enjoy!

In the meantime, hop on over to IG or FB and see my family's spin on this tangy tart sweet treat.

Would YOU Move for A Better School District?

Elementary school is still a ways off for my younger bears, but IF they attend public school they will be set to attend in Georgia's best districts.

According to Niche, as well as data compiled by the State of Georgia, Buford City Schools is the number one district in the state. As Gwinnett countians, my babies can legally attend these schools.

Important note: HB 251 allows parents to send their children to any school in the district in which they reside--we hold residence in Gwinnett County, just outside Buford. We aren't "district jumpers," we just opted to live AND PAY TAXES where out kids would receive the best options.

Would you move to send your kids to a better school district? Have you done so before?

Gwinnett County has some of the highest property taxes in Georgia. While there are certainly enough amenities and attractions to make for an attractive roost, the fact remains that it is an expensive place to live. Especially when compared to other areas. 

But Gwinnett County is home to Buford City--the number one school district in the state of Georgia for many years now. 

When I wanted to possibly enroll the kids in public school, I knew it would need to be a better district. I was not going to have them pulling the weight of their entire class, nor did I want them in a school system where the kids only received the bare minimum. 

Nope.

Hubby and I bust our tails to ensure our children have every advantage. As Black and Brown babies, they will need it. 

So we invest in top programs, activities, and experiences for them to cultivate and expand their horizons. We wanted them to have more than basic reading, writing, and arithmetic, so we put together a curriculum that includes the core subjects as well as agriculture, music, travel, and even cooking. We want them prepared for everything. 

I know it sounds dramatic. But even preschools in New York are competitive! I know we reside in Georgia right now, but we have family and ties in NYC. There is no way we could allow the kids to simply squeak by academically here, because if we ever ended up having a semester or more in NYC, they would drown. 

And no, it isn't only about competition or beating every other kid at the preschool and elementary level. While we aren't sure if they will follow our footsteps and go to college OR if they will choose another path, we want them to have their choice of schools if they do. Filling out applications for college is a lot different when you have your pick, versus having to wait and pray you get in because you only have a few options. EVERYTHING is easier when you have a solid foundation. Even if they were applying for jobs, strong transcripts would be a huge plus. 

Not only that, the discipline it takes to achieve high academic marks naturally spills over into other areas of life. Our little scholars are also pretty good about taking care of their chores. 

So yes...it was worth it to move for a better district. For us, it meant a better life overall for our kids, because better districts create better opportunities. Their diplomas carry a bit of prestige, and that little extra might end up being the thing that carries them miles farther instead of just feet!

Not Bothered By My Age-Gap Kids, Only Your Meddling About It

Ahhhh humans can never be quenched!

Today I had lunch with the kiddos. We haven't been out much in recent weeks--I'm getting back to being mobile and they are settling into their new routine (school started and my home classroom is a tight ship!), so after we finished our work for today, we decided to hit up a little local wing spot.

The food in this place is the HITS! I usually order a Philly chicken and eat half, then take half home for later. The kids like to sit in there and bask in the adoration of the other frequent flyers.

It's usually really cool.

Today we went in and got our noms.

"Honey, that's a pretty baby!" Little older lady sat at the table next to ours and started cooing and playing with Tiger Lily.

"Thank you."

At this point, Princess returned to the table with Brother Bear. (They had been getting napkins and ketchup.)

"You have some beautiful children. And who is she?" Sweet lady smiled toward Princess.

"She's mine too, my first baby."

Now--there are almost ten years between Princess and Brother Bear. Less than three between Brother Bear and Tiger Lily. And of course, there is a bigger gap between Princess and Tiger Lily. Hubby and I are well aware of this gap, although people don't seem to think so.

"You mean to tell me you were almost free and then started over?!"

...yep. Someone should have warned Hubby and I before that it's against the law to have kids with a big gap. Gotta drop 'em all out immediately, regardless of your family plans. *eye roll*

Now, had it stopped there, there would be no story to tell. She moved on to greet another friend and the kids and I tucked into our food.

Except it didn't stop there. She continued chattering to her acquaintances--ABOUT ME.

And it really pissed me off. Because she was older, I didn't tear into her. YES I still have to feed Tiger Lily. YES I gave up certain freedoms. YES I am aware how much they cost and what causes them. *facepalm*

Things I wish I had been un-flabbergasted enough to tell her?

1. YES I am aware that I was "almost free."

I'm also aware that YOU are free--to keep your conjectures and your lips off my family dynamic.

2. YES I had my reasons.

In my case, it was wanting to have a stable home for them versus raising them alone. I wanted to get married, THEN give Princess a sibling or two. Maybe three someday. *shrugs*

3. NO I don't have a built-in babysitter.

Princess is just as much a child as her siblings. She is older, but she is not their mom nor is she responsible for their care. Does she play with them and keep them occupied sometimes? Absolutely yes. Does she have to? Absolutely NO. She is sweet with them and they are all definitely bonded despite the age gap, but she isn't a built-in caregiver, only their built-in friend.

4. NO I am NOT missing out on anything.

In four years my family has been on vacation maybe 20 times. WITH the small kids in tow, or me being pregnant, whichever the situation was. Was it easy? Nah. Was it as inexpensive as traveling kid-free might be? (I don't know, we have never traveled kid-free because it hasn't been our desire to leave them yet.) Our kind of travel is never inexpensive so we just bite the bullet and go where we want. As far as a social standpoint, my kids aren't the reason I don't have a more packed dance card.

People really need to spend less time worrying about how many kids others have or how they are spaced, and more time filling in their eyebrows properly. That lady analyzed my entire life in those fifteen of minutes but one eyebrow was arched and one was humped.

Sweep around your own brow line first, lady...

My Son Will NOT Be Subjected to YOUR Misdirected Misandry

My little Brother Bear had a playdate this weekend.

First, let me paint a little picture for you before I go launching into my rant. Our household is deliberately nice--as in, Hubby and I go out of our way to ensure the little humans see us being polite, courteous, and blatantly kind to each other. This isn't to say we are perfect. Y'all know better. This is, however, to say we make a concerted effort to show our kids that normal people don't go out of their way to be bitchy, rude, or hateful to each other, ESPECIALLY normal people who live in the same home. While disagreements aren't unheard of, we practice our manners consistently enough that I am proud to say our children do as well.

A boy's first example of everything, is his dad. Period. 

In Brother Bear's case, he sees his dad pull out chairs, open car doors, and take very good care of his family. Hubby is absolutely sweet to me and the girls (and definitely lavishes the same on our little Brother Bear, but this post is about why Brother Bear treats his friends the way he does.)

Brother Bear is just shy of four years old. He plays excellently with all kids, but he is usually outnumbered, as we live near more families with little girls than families with little boys. We don't teach him toxic masculinity (boys can only play with boys, blah blah blah) so he plays with whichever kid is available for a park run or Chick-fil-A lunch crawl. 

Because he is only three, I do not entertain ideas of how he might be as a boyfriend, or if he is interested in his playmates.

BECAUSE HE IS MY KID, NOT SOME RANDO ON TINDER.

BECAUSE I FIND PARENTS WHO DO PLAN/ENTERTAIN/CONJECTURE ABOUT THEIR KIDS' DATING LIVES THIS EARLY, INCREDIBLY CREEPY.

BECAUSE...and I cannot emphasize this point enough...HE IS THREE.

Anyhoo...

I made a new mommy associate recently. It began coolly enough. She has kids. I have kids. We both like to introduce those kids to other kids so the kids don't act like cavemen. *shrugs* Since Brother Bear isn't in tot soccer at the moment (season has ended), I have been creating more social outings for him to keep his people skills up and to keep him from running me wild with unspent toddler energy. 

Princess had a birthday party this past weekend, and I needed something for Brother Bear to do so he wouldn't interrupt her girls' night too much. 

My solution? Invite one or two of his little buddies over for snacks and games that afternoon. 

The kids, Brother Bear and a little girl I will call Swan, played nicely all afternoon. I was so proud of how sweet he was to her! He shared his toys and made sure she had enough snacks to eat, and even helped her wipe up her juice spill. I was BEAMING because our guy was behaving exactly as we have taught him to: treating his guest well and looking after them. He treated Swan as he has been taught to treat his sisters--and he was led by the example of how his father treats me!

They got along famously. (My kid can be testy so again, I was beaming inside!) Because they had played Mario Kart at some point in the afternoon, he called Swan, Princess.

Her mom and sisters (Swan's big sisters were there for my Princess, part of the girls' night I arranged the playdate to keep my son from interrupting) then had a grand time of pointing out how Brother Bear would face the wrath of their dad behind calling their sister a princess. Apparently he is one of those behemoth, unevolved men who still thinks it is permissible to rear up and roar at any boy who dares smile at their precious daughters.

All right, sir--allow me to check your nuts real quick.

1. My son is NOT trying to "holla" or "date" your daughter, because he is frickin' three years old. What he is doing, is treating her like a good friend, using his best manners and making sure she is okay.

2. He is in no way afraid of you--because his mama will rip your face off is you even breathe wrong toward him.

3. Please explain why you think it is permissible or acceptable for you to be projecting amatory ideation on toddlers. They are legit not even old enough for preschool but you are here worrying about her love life???

The mom and sisters probably meant it all in good fun. However I don't really find misandry all that funny. And I honestly know the dad has actual worries in the present moment, things that are a little more pressing than a situation he won't be facing for at least another ten years. According to the mom, it won't be a huge worry then because he isn't a consistent figure. 

At any rate, I had to ask her what made her so sure he would be interested in her kid IF he were old enough to be interested in anyone at all. (Again, THE KID IS THREE.) She was a bit offended. 

I legit didn't care. I was pretty offended when she made such an unnecessary observation. I told her she didn't need to project her own experiences onto innocent kids. If anything, her male should be glad someone is showing her how a good friend behaves, because she will surely encounter many who will NOT treat her as well. 

And no, we are NOT raising our son to be a casanova. We are raising him to be a polite, kind human, adding a little light to this dismal Earth! 

It is sad that people are so shitty these days that they cannot receive niceness without attaching unnecessary assumptions to it. As much as my boy likes hanging out with Swan, he will be spending more time with other friends because what he will NOT be exposed to, is her family's misdirected misandry. It isn't our fault they have encountered rude, mean males--and it is not our job to calibrate their compass. 

Mundan Ceremony: Tiger Lily's First Haircut

We took a BIIIIIIIIG cultural plunge this past weekend!

We decided to go ahead and give Tiger Lily her first haircut!

A Mundan ceremony is basically a baby's first haircut. Brother Bear had his, and now Tiger Lily can join the club.

A Mundan is not the average trimming of the ends. It actually involves shaving the baby's hair.

That's right, ladies and germs--a Mundan involves completely shaving the baby's head!

*gasp*

Before we ban me from the nice moms club, read on...

The Mundan ceremony is usually done in the first 31 days of life, (but we take a bit of creative liberty and just do ours within the baby's first two years). It is essentially the removal of the baby's "womb hair," which brings luck--and reportedly better, stronger, thicker hair.

While I know how hair growth works (shaving it off will not effect thicker hair--it just ends the breaking off that newborn hair is often wont to do, thus giving way to what I call the toddler hair--longer, and often thicker!), I also respect and immerse my family in his culture and mine as much as possible. While I will admit it was a little daunting to know my baby would be without her wispy curls, I was excited for her to have this cultural connection to our family, especially her grandma Ammaji.

Hubby and I are very keen for the kids to have as deep a connection to their Sri Lankan roots as we are to keep them connected to their Jamaican and American roots. It is important to us that they know who they are and where they came from. We don't want the schools or the world to teach them who they are--that is our job and we don't sleep at the helm.

Getting down to it, I know he expected me to flake out at the last minute. Even though Tiger Lily's hair has so far remained as wispy and fine as day one, I always adored those soft little twirls. As soon as she stopped snatching her little clippies out, I started putting a bow in her hair every day. Always coordinated to her outfit. I make at least twenty clippies per week sometimes just to keep a fresh rotation. If Brother Bear is any indication, she will have a glorious head of dark curls and twirls in just a little while and all those clippies would get a heckuva workout.

But anyway...

I did not flake.

Behold...

Our little unicorn currently has a peach fuzz where her mane was! 

Do we miss it?

No. 

Is she bothered?

She didn't bat an eye during the process, and she doesn't seem upset in the least even days later. 

Were we worried about someone shaving her hair while she is so young?

Again, NOPE. Hubby took care of the actual Mundan, and we invested in an excellent straight razor for it, as well as some ayurvedic oil to keep her scalp comfortable as her hair grows in again. (Regrowth is itchy enough--and since her hair is growing in as fast as Brother Bear's did, we knew she would benefit from a "soother.")

Why did we perpetuate a custom like this?

For the same reason other parents pierce ears or buy puppies for infants, or take vacations with kids who won't remember the actual trip...

...because she is our kid, and this is how our family works. We observe our customs and traditions just like other families observe theirs. 

Milk Donation: NOT A FAIR GAME.

Milk donation is life-saving.

Milk donation is life-enhancing.

Milk donation is...

...extremely biased when you are a Black or Brown mom.

Note: IF this offends, I invite you to take a look at your own experiences and proclivities regarding dealing with moms (or humans) outside your own culture. If you haven't experienced a racial bias, you cannot really speak on it. If you have a tendency to overlook women of color, then you should pack your offended away and take this opportunity to reflect and possibly change.

Prior to 2016, I had never donated milk before. In fact, my original intention was to ship the milk from Southwest Georgia to Gwinnett County, as we were returning home with our son (he was about 6 months old at the time) and I could not fathom just tossing over 12,000 ounces of milk! I just wasn't having it.

But anyway....

I did some research on shipping and ended up on a site that mentioned donation. So then I switched gears and contacted some milk banks. I ended up getting medically cleared through three programs (Helping Hands Milk Bank, the National Milk Bank, and the Piedmont Donor Milk Program) but still needed to move that milk quickly. So I decided to look into Human Milk for Human Babies.

HM4HB is a peer-to-peer program for milk donation, and it is a beautiful, lifesaving resource.

However there is an ugly side.

Moms of color (Black, Latina, East Indian, etc.) are often passed over in the forums. While we WOC donate at equal to or even with greater frequency than white women, we are passed over when the other shoe drops and we need donor milk.

I used to be very jaded about this. My friends are all of different ethnicities and nationalities, and while we observe each race or nationality in the circle, it does not define how we look out for one another. If my girl neds it and I can provide it, she has it.

However I could not pretend it wasn't a real possibility.

First let me say this: A donor is allowed free choice of who she gives her milk to. It is hers, and she is the sole selector of anyone who benefits. That is her right.

BUT...that doesn't negate the fact that there are literally women in the world who will only donate to white moms and babies BUT if they were in need, would turn around and accept milk from ANYONE.

I know life isn't fair, but this bothered me. Unfortunately I ended up seeing firsthand. Well, second hand.

Note: I have carefully expunged any and all identifying info. I redacted the images. I'm providing a screenshot  of the conversation, but the point of it is NOT to expose the woman, only to examine her prejudices.

A few notes: The exchange began yesterday morning around 10.30. I cropped out all images so it appears choppy. The only thing I manually redacted (with scratch out) was her location, as that isn't central to the story and I still have to protect her privacy. My friend's messages have a blue background and hers have a black background.  I removed all the images as well. ALSO--MY FRIEND REALLY NEEDED MILK. That part is NOT an experiment--we would not play that way when so many women have an urgent need. She (my friend) is Hispanic.

Hopefully that clears up ANYTHING you had questions about.

In the first part of the message, she texted my friend to let me know she had gotten her DM (direct message--but they were on FB originally exchanged numbers. Just for clarity. Also this isn't uncommon, as I myself like to have a text contact for my families.)

At this point there was an exchange of light chatter---where they went to school, etc. (Obviously redacting that because again, I'm NOT giving any identifying info.) She did seem a little standoffish after she realized my friend went to a predominantly Black school and lived in an area considered "tarnished" because so many POC have "invaded" in the last decade or so. *shrugs*

Anyway, they actually spoke over the phone. She never made any indication that donating milk to my friend's Black self was an issue. According to my friend, they chatted for a few more minutes and agreed again to meet up at Target at 9 the next morning. (Target is supposedly 15 minutes from her.)

My friend initiated this text chat the next morning, assuming it was time to meet for the milk exchange.

She jilted her. She decided, after letting my friend wait for over an hour, that she couldn't give her the milk.

The nutrient count was off. *scoff*

So said the MILK NURSE.

When my friend attempted to call her, she realized had been blocked.

My friend went back on the message boards to try to find some milk.


A day or so later she decided to tell me about it. I was mad as a hornet because one, I could have just given her the milk outright with no confusion. (She has gotten milk from me before--she didn't want to be a bother but this is what I do as a donor, GIVE MILK!) Two, this woman really tried to say the nutrient count would be off AFTER she had offered my friend the milk AND agreed to meet her. She probably already knew she could not or would not, and to have my friend waiting was just cruel. THEN SHE BLOCKED HER?!

Again, it is a donor's choice as to with whom they share milk. It is their right to decline at any time.

However according to my friend, this woman was all on board until she saw the baby's photo. My friend has a gorgeous brown baby--big dark eyes, buttery tan skin, and the silkiest black hair ever. She is obviously Hispanic and undeniably adorable. She is also deserving of any liquid gold she can get, and her mother shouldn't be denied that liquid gold solely because of her race.

Note: My friend has actual documented insufficient gland tissue--she has tried every intervention on the market to produce milk. Hers is real--she's part of the less than two percent. of women who cannot produce milk. She is NOT part of the lazy brigade who don't try.

My friend is a lot more gracious than I am. I would have ripped into her, or at least reported her.

Unfortunately people don't get punished for being racist, and it's as rampant in the mom club as it is anywhere.

Ironically a little checkaroo of that mom's pages and posts revealed she has fed her previous baby milk from a Black donor. The nutrient count was magically okay then. *shrugs*


The shit going on in 2019...humans disgust me.

Foam Plate (Learning Activities)

Teaching my kid everything he needs for preschool is both daunting and enjoyable.

Daunting, obviously, because I want to make sure he is ready for his teachers, and that we've laid a solid foundation so he can easily pick up and master the concepts. I don't want him to be in class struggling. *face palm* Enjoyable because I am literally helping foster a love of learning now that will serve him well for the rest of his life--it is hard not to be lit about it.

I know it seems like I'm reading a whole lot into a 3-year-old's academic chops but it's important to me.

To that end I have been busting my metaphorical buns to find engaging manipulatives, activities, and books to set up our learning space in the house.

I've had great success with most of those, but since we are working on penmanship I have been really getting into the foam plate activity.

The foam plate activity is super simple. All you need is:

1 plate or cookie sheet (preferably ones you don't need for actual cooking or eating)
1 can of soap foam (or shaving cream, unscented)
1 blanket or towel (or if weather permits, go outside on your driveway or deck!)

Note: The soap foam I use is from a play shaving kit Brother Bear got for Christmas last year. It comes out like shaving cream and smells like berries. It's nontoxic and he isn't allergic, which was an important consideration for me because he's got sensitive skin and is prone to an angry red rash when something doesn't agree with his skin. Anyhoo...

The foam plate activity is just as its name suggests.

Sit the blanket down and put the plate on it. Allow some space for your kiddo(s) to sit around the plate. Spray a bit of foam onto the plate and smear it around. Then allow your little one(s) to write letters, numbers, or even draw shapes in the foam.

It gives them some freedom that ruled paper does not. It allows them to feel the shape of the letters as they trace them. They can write big or small. Erasing is easy as pie. And, save the "mess" of possibly (okay, almost definitely) getting soap foam everywhere, it's easy to clean up!

An added bonus is that the soap foam we used doubles as bath soap anyway, so washing hands after was a breeze.

Check out our video of Brother Bear doing the foam plate activity here!

For more homeschool ideas and activities, follow us on our social media.

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And if you do anything we talk about, tag us so we can see and support you too!

Pages and Pickles

As you possibly know (depending on how active you are on my FB--I don't pay for views so their algorithms are quite likely choking my visibility right on out), I am finally plugging away at this book!

Crunching my pickles and writing. (Well, revising now.)

I can gloss over how glorious the process has been (I love writing) and how much fun it's been (I truly am enjoying it) AND I can even tell you I believe it will do well (I do)...

Or I can be frank.

It is a major goal of mine. Also I'm scared shitless! When I take on a new project and its success boils down to other people embracing it, I get real angsty about the whole deal. I can put out the best book of 2019 and on the shelf it will sit if it isn't riveting enough.

This book is like my newest baby.

I'm preparing it and also me for the first day of high school and must prepare it (and mostly myself) for the various people it will encounter, its classmates!

The Principal wants to know why it's late (why didn't I write this sooner) and reminds us of the Code of Conduct (i.e. that I must do my best and work hard on it whether it's ever noticed or not.)

The Counselor keeps it sane and provises a safe place to vent if needed.

The Teachers, those wonderful ones who will help develop it and push it to become its best, are waiting with homework and essays.

The Besties will meet it where it's at and embrace it no matter what--they will support it and love it even if it is a little crazy.

The Newbies don't know me or the book from a hill of beans but they see me and raise me one, "Nice words and paper!" I can't wait to meet my newbies.

The Meanies are gonna attack or ignore it no matter how good it is. Ain't any pleasing them. Also they don't like its cover.

The Climbers are gonna tough for me--they will wait to see if it does well before embracing it. And they only want to be involved if it is popular. When it becomes a thing, they'll pop out of nowhere with the hidden admiration and how they knew it would be great way back when.

The It Crowd is gonna make sure that it knows it doesn't belong, and will do their best to keep it in its place--which in their eyes means to keep it far away from relevance.

...

See? I have a knack for this word weaving thing.

I just have to get over my nerves and hangups. After all, I can't publish it if I'm terrified to hit send.

The biggest part that makes me nervous is doing this after five years of wanting to (and waiting for the thing that would spark my interest enough to go 100% with it), but that's also the part that makes me proudest. I have been studying the legal aspects and I dug into all sides of the fence before choosing the route I believe is best for this, for me. I have an editor and a legal team. I have test readers for when the time comes. (About a month before it goes all the way live, my testers will have reviewed it.)

I think oa most nervous about how it'll be received. My family (hubby and the three bears) are all convinced I'll be doing book signings and tours within months. While that's an amazing dream, I will be happy seeing it finished and being able to show the kids what can happen when you work hard toward a goal.

I am so ready!!!

How to Be An All-Star Milk Recipient

I have been a milk donorbfor 3 years now, and it has been an amazing journey. I've made some lifelong friends and gotten to be part of some wonderful families.

We didn't really do anything special or magical to make it work so well. It generally comes downbto basic courtesy on both sides. We came in with a common goal--feed the babies! My work is bringing the milk. The families' work is collecting it in a timely manner.

The friendships and bonds are a bonus. They do make for a much more fulfilling experience though. I personally don't feel comfortable just handing a cooler of milk over to a stranger with no words exchanged, no updates on baby.

Note: I don't pry. I just think if I can feed your kid, I can at least get an update on if that kid is doing well?

My moms and I came up with a few things recipients can do to make milk sharing super smooth for all involved.

1. Don't be greedy. In one group there is a popular mama with adopted babies. If she doesn't comment on every post, her drones are tagging her. They work hard for this woman and I suspect she collects hundreds of ounces per month from different sources. These aren't ongoing donations--she literally swoops in to grab every available stash. Her drones coordinate pickups. (She has bragged about donors filling her deep freezer.) The teamwork is beautiful but there is SO MUCH PRESSURE for donors to share with this greedy woman!!! And she really does grub for milk to the point she could be pushing an equally deserving baby to the back of the line. To further aggravate my soul, the greedy mama hops on other posts recommending galactagogues. If they aren't working for her... *smirk* I ended up blocking her and a few of her runners so they couldn't even see when I was offering milk.

Bottom line...don't be greedy. Don't.

2. Always bring bags. ALWAYS. Even if your donor provides them with no fuss, you can still help take that little expense off her hands. The gesture itself will speak volumes about your sweet self! Even if the donor is getting them for free (via insurance, for example) it's still a super polite gesture to always bring some. If she has a preference, get that type. If she doesn't, bring the kind you like.

Just don't fake her out--lie about having bags and show up without. And please don't try to dictate what kind of bags you will give, because even if that's her request then you still come out winning. You only get to choose if she has no preference, as mean as it sounds. Example: I use Nanobebe for my little's personal milkies stash or to donate (and Kiinde for her smoothies), but I accept any brand to donate.

3. If you don't/can't do small talk due to time constraints or shyness, send a quick text or message--a cute pic of baby enjoying their bottle or even just a smiley! (I actually don't do small talk! I am painfully shy and my anxiety is gross, so I'm always grateful for the option to exchange texts. And pictures of the babies is a huge plus.)

4. Be honest. You don't have to create a sad story or extreme urgency! (To be perfectly frank I avoid donating in these situations--I am always nervous because desperate humans are scary humans.) I'm always surprised that a great many of the less than 2% of women in the whole world who physically cannot produce breastmilk, always seem to end up in the same comment sections or donor groups. No shade to the honest...but everyone isn't honest. Somebody, somewhere, is lying, and it isn't fair to the donors who may be giving out of concern for your contirved issue while skipping over a real one.

All milk needs are valid, so just be honest and keep things fair.

5. Be concise. Sometimes a long story is too much. While some background is preferred by some as they decide who to milk share with, if you keep it brief and basic you won't overwhelm the donor.

6. BE NICE. I personally glance over the social media and try to get a feel for what kind of family I'm about to associate with and have in my home. While I don't necessarily judge on that alone, a mom with a page full of inflammatory, racist, or other inappropriate material would not get a drop from me. Even if it is just for giggles, be mindful that you might be offending potential donors. Be a nice person anyway, but especially in milk sharing.

7. Don't be overbearing. I can't mesh with overbearing personality types. You don't have to be my best friend overnight--my best friend wasn't even my best friend overnight! I think the overbearing is rooted in gratitude though...at least I hope so.

8. Understand the process! I do not deliver milk the first few times--I like for them to come to me and see my pump station, freezer, and just get a confidence boost about the whole thing. (This is a major deal--their child's food! I prefer for them to at least show some interest in how it happens.) I like them to know their baby is getting milk that is pumped and stored in the cleanest, safest way possible outside a lab. If they won't take a few minutes for this, I won't donate.

...

I've been doing a lot less peer to peer donations honestly, because it's exasperating to deal with humans. As I said earlier in tge post, I'm always blown away because I know less than 2% of women in the whole world are physically unable to produce milk--but they all coincidentally live in the Unites States and alternate between getting offended on breastfeeding-centered posts and/or recommending galactagogues in milk donor groups.

I still have my goal of ONE MILLION OUNCES donated, so I will keep at it and just be more selective.

Why Women Don't Breastfeed

Because National Breastfeeding Month is upon us, I decided to tackle a different side of the coin.

Warning: This post might make you mad. Frank posts tend to have that effect on some.

Every year I generally share an anecdote about my early days as a nursing mom, some facts and info I've gathered along the way, and some encouragement. I throw in a kickass brelfie or pump selfie. I close by...

...continuing in that vein because I've always done those things year round anyway.

But this year I decided to go left.

As you know, I'm a milk donor. I am tested and milk-bank approved, and I also do peer to peer donations through Human Milk for Human Babies (HM4HB) and Eats On Feet. I have donated over 800K ounces in the past 3.5 years.

I never ask moms why they don't/can't breastfeed. Nothing beyond what I see in the posts. (HM4HB and EOF are Facebook-based, so I see a little about them via their request posts, which typically outline the need and basis of that need.) I try to stay as unbiased as possible. I don't donate by saddest story or most passionate plea--I literally pop in when I have more than I can store and pop right back out when the milk has a new home and another baby has a happy tummy. Because I don't use personal social media beyond milk donations and blog promo (Pages manager requires it), I don't see a lot of the comments to begin with, and I only actually read the post if I intend to  donate.

That being said...

They tell me anyway. Grab your forks and tuck into this meaty read, because I'm getting detailed and deliberate.

Here's the top ten reasons, as told to me by actual moms who will forever remain nameless, why moms aren't breastfeeding.

Note: I warned you that this one might make you mad. But while it is a touchy subject, nothing I write will hit you wrong unless it applies. Also, I'm very well aware of the LESS THAN 2% of moms who are literally physically unable to produce milk, as well as those who are unable due to emotional trauma. But they aren't who I'm discussing--I would never. Tuck your offended away.

Along with those reasons, are thibhs I wish someone shared with them in the right vein--not judgment, just facts to help them make the best choice for them. (NOT necessarily to sway them, but one cannot male the best choice if all the information points to the so-called easy.)

1. I didn't stick with it.

Breastfeeding is natural...but natural and easy are not mutually exclusive. Sometimes when things aren't easy, we just quit. And sometimes when things are coming along easily, we get lulled into a false sense of security and stop putting in effort--then quit because it is not easy anymore. A lack of commitment is probably the number one non-medical reason moms don't continue breastfeeding.

2. I thought I had to use bottles while my milk came in.

Common misconception. We tend to believe babies need far more to eat than they actually do, newborns in particular. We mistake cluster feeding for baby starving, when in reality baby is creating the demand for their new appetites. We don't need to use bottles unless we desire to. Babies will regulate our supply. Trust your body and the baby's instincts.

3. I didn't have support.

Whether it be familial, cultural, or environmental, attitudes about breastfeeding are as varied as the humans who possess them.  Unfortunately a lot of the attitudes that exist in economically-depressed areas (and those populated by women of color) actually tend to steer women away from breastfeeding. Familial pressures are the first issue, naturally. Also, WOMEN ARE NOT RECEIVING THE CARE, EDUCATION (not just run of the mill pamphlets but actual education--information about breastfeeding compiled with consideration for the mom's station in life, be she affluent or poor), AND RESOURCES (free pumps are cool but why aren't more lactation consultants willing to educate moms who might need to pump exclusively AND where are the lactation consultants of color, we need more of both!) TO HAVE SUCCESSFUL BREASTFEEDING JOURNEYS. Although tides are rapidly changing, there is still a tendency to offer formula to babies born in hospitals in these areas. There is an unfortunate scarcity of lactation consultants who understand the lifestyles of women in these areas. A lactation consultant who travels to these places from a more affluent area won't understand the additional constraints these moms face--it often comes down to more than nust worries about milk supply.

4. I didn't realize how important breastmilk is until my baby got sick.

If you browse any milk donation message board, you will see the frantic posts from moms who know that breastmilk is the best food--and also the best medicine. Unfortunately because formula is touted as being "good enough," these moms fall into the game UNTIL their babies are sick. Most doctors will NOT push the issue of breastfeeding (for fear of being accused of shaming, a term people now use freely to describe anything that isn't a pat on the head) but THEY WILL RECOMMEND BREASTMILK if baby is failing to thrive or falls ill.

5. I feel like if donor milk is available, I can just use that.

For as many moms as there are who diligently and fairly utilize donor milk, there are just as many who were simply too lazy to be consistent yet feel their babies deserve that milk too. While I will never say a baby doesn't deserve donor milk, I will say that whenenver possible moms have a responsibility to their babies to be diligent and provide whatever breastmilk they can BEFORE going to those boards. I would donate a thousand ounces to a mother who gave it her best shot before I'd give a single drop to a mom who never attempted. And you will recognize those moms--they swear they have read every article (impressive but untrue); tried every tincture, tea, and treat (except consistently latching and/or pumping--spoiler alert, you must keep at it even when you get half an ounce); and tried every method under the sun...and they will angrily shun any suggestions that they may have missed. Trust me...they missed some. Usually the ones that don't involve a quick fix.

6. I didn't want the baby on me all day.

Any parent can relate to being touched out--but breastfeeding moms get it on a whole 'nother level. These babies are literally attached to us hours of every day. It is adorable for a newborn, but as the babies get older it isn't always quite so endearing. While many moms simply adjust and deal accordingly, some don't. There are plenty of moms who want to hold baby on their terms. Their kid, their choice obviously. But it does hamper breastfeeding and it is a reason some women simply don't nurse.

7. I got free formula from WIC. It was good enough for me and my baby is fine.

Can't argue with free. Just remember that you get what you pay for! Plenty of babies do okay on formula--and plenty more go through pain and discomfort because finding the right formula is a total crap shoot most times. Unfortunately that formula often doesn't last the whole month as babies get older--unlike breastfed babies, formula fed babies must take in more and more formula to get the right nutrition. That often leads to parents padding the bottles with rice cereal (empty calories and starch, also does NOT cure reflux) and even cow's milk to satisfy baby's appetite if they cannot afford the formula. In fact, if I'm not mistaken, WIC actually provides that cereal at six months or so.

8. My milk didn't come in.

Your milk arrives with baby, and changes to suit baby's nutritional and caloric needs throughout your nursing journey, be it two months or two years. Newborns do not receive the white liquid most expect when we mention milk. Colostrum is clear to yellow and thick, like syrup almost. Transitional milk is golden and slightly less viscous than colostrum--this is the golden milk. Finally mature milk is that white or creamy stufd we see in stash pics.

9. I didn't want to stay fat and breastfeeding did not help me lose the baby weight quickly.

Breastfeeding can help you burn the calories quickly and that leads to weight loss--but only if you are burning more than you are taking in, consistently. And this is not the time to be dieting, because simply burning the breastfeeding calories isn't enough if you aren't choosing healthier food and moving your feet a bit.

10. That's for white women.

I usually just sigh here. While my WOC do have disproportionately low breastfeeding rates, especially Black women, it is sometimes difficult to unpack each individual case. Most of it boils down to a lack of support--when your OB/GYN pediatrician, or nurse don't look like you or understand your culture and environment, of course they cannot support you. When your family sees it as something your kind doesn't do, of course they cannot support you. When you're facing all that while trying to carve your own path, of course you will likely cave to their pressure or apathy. It is normal--but very sad.

...

Of course, I encourage every new mom, whether she's on baby one or baby ten, to try. If it doesn't work, any breastmilk is more beneficial and better for baby than receiving none at all.

But I don't just honk the horn or recite the statistics.

I make myself available and will share everything I know (I have had some excellent mentors on this journey!) to help you get your success story.

No, She Doesn't Babysit...

I was just talking about the age gap between my kiddos in my last post. Which always brings about the question of...

Is Princess required to help look after the little ones?

While 3 kids hardly throws us in the lineup of big families, we are still formidable in size and workload and I would be a big fat liar if I said I didn't need an extra set of hands on deck some days just to get through!

But no.

Princess is not that extra set of hands.

Our first little lady is turning 13 in September. She is learning the basics of driving, along with managing money and time & taking care of her own basic needs. (She can do her own laundry and make simple foods for herself, and look after her own hygiene.) She knows how to take transit (although she has never been allowed to alone or actually needed to) and she knows about safety.

Princess is, in a word, amazing!

Princess is also still a kid.

She is a little girl still.

She is not responsible for looking after her siblings.

Does she help out? Of course. She reads stories and helps out with feeding time. She plays with them. She watches over them if I need a shower break or I'm cooking or writing. Despite being a kid herself, she truly is good with them and she typically does whatever she can to help our days go smoothly.

But again--she is still a kid.

That means it isn't her responsibility.

She does have a duty to be a good role model to them. She should be one of their main role models because they look up to her.

But she's not their junior mother.

Don't misunderstand here--she does help care for the little ones. She enjoys it. They are like little dolls to her! She dresses them and plays with them, and then she returns them to me. *chuckle*

But she's a little doll herself, and we don't saddle her with full-on responsibility for the little ones.

I want her to enjoy her childhood too. She has roughly 5 years left before she's 18--then comes a few years of junior adulting before life slams her full throttle with bills and responsibilities. As long as she keeps her grades high and behaves well, we will take care of the rest until after college or job training.

As for the little ones, they aren't hers to deal with aside from simple sibling care and concern.

We refuse to steal her childhood, years that should be carefree for her. Years that she can never recreate.

And no, I don't think it is a bad thing for an older sibling to look after their younger siblings! It isn't stealing their childhood if it is an occasional thing, or even a regular thing as long as the elder child's privileges are commensurate with gheir responsibilities. We simply refuse to make it such a regular requirement that the little ones think they have three parents. And we especially don't want Princess to feel like she has two toddlers.

Also, making the rewards commensurate with the responsibility would be tricky because on the tense days, little kids can drive you to wine.

(Not me--I hate wine. Just illustrating based on the current marketing trend of wine everything aimed at moms.)

She doesn't babysit. She isn't a junior mom.

She's just a kid herself.

Age Gap 😣

Today is one of those "I need to get the kids out and about" type days.

At 5.27 a.m. I already know this.

It is easy enough to just get in the car and go, right?

Well...our kiddos are spaced quite interestingly.

There is a big gap between Princess and Brother Bear, and then a much smaller gap between Brother Bear and Tiger Lily. (They are not Irish twins, but they are close enough in age to still enjoy the same activities and shows.) Princess is a preteen now. Brother Bear is a preschooler. Tiger Lily? Not ready to classify her as anything but the baby.

Anyhoo. Now that you understand the lay if my dilemma, I'll continue my early morning rambling.

After hair and nails for me and Princess, I must find a way to put the afternoon to sleep. There are a few museums around that the smaller kids might enjoy but not understand fully and Princess will eat right up, and a few activity centers that Princess will pretend to like but be horribly bored by yet the little ones will love.

Usually we just strike a balance of either doing an activity for the littlest ones that Princess can tolerate OR something for Princess that the littlest one can marginally sit still for if not participate. Or we appease the tiny twin terrors and make it up to Princess with extra privileges or a special outing for her later.

I will say this: I get to enjoy (and at time endure) a fun range of experiences and milestones simultneously. Princess is literally beginning to learn to drive. Brother Bear is in the thick of pre-K--learning to read, write, and all those wonderful new abilities that come with brand new real big boy status. Tiger Lily is the baby of the bunch, still meeting her first toddler milestones and still incredibly snuggly.

The only time the age gap really becomes inconvenient is if we let it! We spaced them this way, for our own reasons, so we ride the wave of whatever life throws at us with either a smile or a thoughtful smirk.

It has its challenges, but those are mainly down to time management and delegation of grunt work. Read: Hubby and I have to make sure there's a free hand for diapers and dribbly chins, and that hand is never attached to Princess.

Those Double Standards

Ugh!

While I'm rarely present in my personal social media (although you can follow me here and here for my bloggy exploits), I still glance and skim articles periodically to keep my finger on the pulse of current events as well as check in on friends.

Social media is taking a turn toward real, unscripted posts now. The curated perfection people amd companies strived for before is slowly making way for real snapshots of real people being their real selves.

As a blogger, I work with different companies sometimes to do a review or demo. There are three things I am very upfront about:

1. I do not pay for followers.

2. I do not stage photos/fudge reviews. I don't nor do I want to spend hours setting up for pics and I am more likely to send a product back than lie about it.

3. I'm NOT gonna compromise myself or my views just to fit in as an influencer.

So...

All this comes about as a result of a photo recently shared. My little flower girl was enjoying a product and actually got a feature on that company's Instagram. I was pleased and even shared the link!

It was then brought to my attention that she was not featured in the same vein as other babies. While she was on tbe IG and got a good buzz generated, her little brown self was notably absent from the FB, despite that company actively posting many other babies since.

I wasn't all that aggravated at first. She got a feature with minimal work on my end--I snapped a pic and posted it. I used their hashtag to see if they'd use it and they did! Can't argue with that.

The pic is a real pic of a real baby on a real shopping trip. I didn't rope off an area of Target nor did I stage lighting and filter my kid til she looked different. None of that. I didn't coordinate her outfit and pose on an aisle with a complementary theme to said outfit.

...but because people kept reaching out to me about her noticeable absence on the FB page, I decided to have a lookie-loo.

The pointer-outers were correct! Because my baby's photo was not staged and retouched to the gods, it was not put on FB. I was a little annoyed by now because practically every other baby they featured got the double whammy.

Note: I did acrually ask them about it...no response. *shrugs*

I still can't be too mad. After all, they don't have an obligation to me. I bought the item and didn't really plan to review it. I literally needed it to make tasks easier, and it does.

It is still more than a little hypocritical that companies who swear they like real moms and want real influencers turn around and only interact with the opposite though. Specifically when those companies are owned BY MOMS. Like sheesh--you are working the "regular mom finding a solution" handle to hock your goods AND you happily accept regular dollars...be upfront with your tactics so we can decide if we want to play the social media game with you.

But I still wont be buying followers, staging unnaturally perfect photo ops, or going full pretendo for reviews.

You're still stuck with legit me! *chuckles*

Tween Time!

In my last post I was talking about how we had the really good parental control app, Family Link.

But no app can work if the communication between parents and child isn't good. After all, the Family Link application has to be installed on both the parent device and the child's. The child can delete it just as easily as they delete anything else!

I have four winds of communication that I keep in mind when I'm dealing with my kids. I like to keep everything down to four laws or less, and flexibility reigns.

These go for all the kids, but specifiy our Princess as she is the eldest and is more in tune with our behavior as it compares to our expectations of her behavior. We like to keep ourselves TAYE!

1. Transparent.

I let my kid know the what and the why. And if I deviate from our prescribed course, I let her know what's up.

2. Accountable.

We make sure we are accountable for our deeds, good and bad. If we break a tenet before her, or she realizes we have, we don't sweep it under the rug. We discuss (within the bounds of what she can process) and let her know that we messed up. We also apologize when needed.

3. YES.

We only say "no" when it is necessary. This is a family, not a prison. Added bonus--because our NOs are not frequent or reflexive, they are more readily understood. That's not saying the kids aren't still disappointed by the NOs sometimes, only that they understand there must be a real reason rather than just assuming Mom and Dad are being mean today.

4. Even.

The rules are applied fairly across the board. While that doesn't mean everyone gets exactly the same rewards and punishments, it means we apply the same rules to each situation with regard to the child in question. For example, Tiger Lily is not expected to sleep all night, so she doesn't incur any consequence for being awake. But Princess and Brother Bear, aside from when they do not feel well or we are traveling, are expected to remain asleep/quiet in their rooms until morning. They each have the same rules and expectations, and we try our best to tailor the consequences (positive and negative) to their age and stage.

Same with Family Link!

While Princess could theoretically (and quite literally) get into way more mischief than Brother Bear, she also meeds more permission and access. So she receives that (more permission and more access), but also more in depth parental controls. Not more rules, but the settings for her are more detailed.

It's a balance we are learning as we go. For sure we have made blunders, but we have also got a pretty good grip on it.

Maybe once the kids are all grown and gone, we will have a real handle on this parenting gig!

Balance, ACQUIRED.

As you know, we have a preteen in our ranks!

I really dig this stage with my Princess. She is quite bubbly and I genuinely like the person she is becoming. She is intelligent, talented, creative, and sweet. She is a friend to all.

She marches to the beat of her own drum, which I am so proud of in particular because it is difficult to be different when everywhere you look, you re being told what to be.

As do most kids her age, Princess has a cell phone. We got her a really nice one now, and she is allowed to use more of its features than she was before. She uses a few apps for her animations and video editing, and she occasionally interacts with other players on an online gaming forum. Of course she also emails and texts her friends.

Now...the problem we as her parents faced... *ominous music*

How the heck would we monitor her use of this phone, without infringing too much on her privacy?

I know you're probably furrowing your brow wondering why we gave her a phone at all if we still need to monitor it. We gave her a phone because...we wanted her to have it.

(I kid...sorta.)

We gave her the phone because one, she is a social butterfly and I'm not into having her friends text her on my device. Two, we cant teach her appropriate stewardship and model the right behaviors regarding a phone if she never has one.

Think of it like driving. We can tell her a million times that it is a combination of gas, brakes, and steering--but she won't actually learn to drive a vehicle unless we put her behind the wheel to practice. And it goes without saying that said practice needs to be guided at first. That is why we get permits before we get full licensure, yes?

That being said, we needed a way to have boundaries AND we wanted, ideally, for it to be an application.

Note: We still do random checkpoints with her phone. The app we chose does not negate our need to maintain a real rapport nd have real conversations about things. It just eliminates the need to constantly be after her about time limits and some content.

We chose Google Family Life. (It is available here, [https://play.google.com/store/apps/details?id=com.google.android.apps.kids.familylink] as a free download for Android.)

We sat down with our girl and outlined our expectations.

Disclaimer: I am not being paid to talk about this app. The experiences mentioned are mine and mine alone, and are uninfluenced by promotional consideration, monetary or otherwise.

Content: You would be surprised the things kids know and discuss among themselves--sex, drugs, self harm, suicide! They are bombarded with so much via social media and media in general, as well as the home environment, and sometimes they process it by talking and acting among themselves. We do not know what happens inside the homes or minds of the children she interacts with, so we made sure she knew to come to us with any kind of concern, big or small, about anything she sees as she's online or in her messages. While she understands this, we understand how peer pressure can come in to play and cause a shild to act unharacteristically. We watch diligently for signs of bullying, because kids are a lot meaner than when we were growing up, and they have a lot more ways to inflict pain in their peers.

Time limits: Because Princess is older, she does not go to bed at 8 o'clock. Unless she is grounded, I generally don't bother her about going to sleep; she just has to go to her room and be in her bed. Time limits on her devices are a big deal because she would stay up all night otherwise. Since the television would wake me or Dad, she would typically tuck in with her phone and stay up all night texting and playing games. One would think that's not bad--but it is. Older kids still need sleep. Plus there was no way for us to know how long she was up or what sites she might be visiting. Clearing the web history is really easy and prior to Family Link, we wouldn't know. Even with the app, we still depend on her to act with honor.

Location: Princess is a social butterfly, and occasionally goes on excursions with friends. (Friends whose parents we have met and spoken with enough to be comfortable with them having her over, not just randoms.) In the event she were to say they would be at point A but went to point B, we would know with just a quick check of her location. Family Link uses GPS to pinpoint the location of the device. Could she manipulate it by leaving her phone one place while going to another? Yes. But that is where honor comes in to play. The location feature is currwntly most useful if she misplaces her device in the house or car.

Family Link shows me a daily report of her usage. I can see which apps she used and for how long and where she went with the phone. It also alerts me to downloads and banned content. I can add more security features, but a moderate level works for now and we are content with that.

Family Link does NOT show me her texts, emails, or calls. It does not show anything not triggered by the settings!

While some see that as a weakness in the app functionality, we see it as a plus.

Honor.

While I am always able to lock the device via Family Link or go the old fashioned route and confiscate it entirely, I still rely on her to be honorable. If someone sends her something inappropriate, she must tell us. The app does not do all that--it monitors HER behaviors and online habits, not those of the ones around her.

Again, HONOR.

I honestly think Family Link is the perfect balance for our family. We have control, but she too has a modicum thereof.

We really use the data gathered in the daily report as a springboard for conversations about her world! She knows she can approach us about anything that she is experiencing or curious about, and she knows we will not shut her out. While the app is a thorn in her side sometimes (she's a typical tween and doesn't like feeling too restricted), she realizes it is also a safety net for her. She knows we are using it to guide and protect her, NOT punish her.

That was important for us. We didn't want her to feel like she was being kept on too short a leash, but we also didn't want her running amok online doing who knows what on who knows what sites. The content filters, location services, and time limit settings have been perfect as we allow her the space and carefully-cut experiences to become a model online citizen.

Parental controls are almost always a battleground. We didn't experience that with Family Link.

Next post, I'll share some of the ways we manage to keep communication open as our eldest's world stretches to include more than just us!

"I'm Gonna Take You Outside!"

So...

I had the joyous pleasure of changing my phone number recently. (Read: yesterday. I got a new number yesterday.) We also upgraded our phones and switched companies. Woo-hoo!

I usually have the kids with me when I'm running errands. They actually make cool little zipping mates, provided they aren't hungry or tired.

My little boy bear is bursting with energy. He's 3. It's pretty tough for him to sit completely still during our longer errands, because he's only 3.

I reiterated the 3 because it matters. Keep reading.

One of the things I try to do with my kids is recognize their humanity. They are tiny people, but they are no less people than adult people and deserve the same (if not a little more) consideration and accommodations!

That being said...

We ported over the first number for the new contract with no problem. Because mine required a port then change, it was a little more complicated. Read: the cashier was relatively new and had not handled a port and change before. We got to be her first, but it was a long process. It took about 90 minutes.

We were the only people in the store for the first hour thankfully, but my little bear was a bit restless and needed to move a little. When another customer came, I decided I would give him a little run break.

"I'm gonna take you outside, young one!"

Now...the Namasté humor is a bit dry. We play and pull faces, but in general most of our quips are delivered with a straight face and flat tone. Because I was dealing with the kiddo, I wagged my finger for a little dramatic flair.

"Oooh. Mama's about to beat you."

*needle scratch*

No ma'am, mama is most certainly not about to beat anyone.

What I did do, was take him outside and let him run a little on the sidewalk. Picked him up and played airplane. Gave him sugars and tickles. Then I gave him a high five, we took some deep breaths to relax, and went back in to finish our business.

Which worked out perfectly because two minutes after his break, the cashier finished our phone transaction!

"I thought he was gonna get a whoopin'."

Again with the abuse tactics.

Why do we automaticay think a kid needs to be beaten/punished FOR BEING A KID?!

That is not how we operate in our house.

A little understanding goes a long way.

Summer Shenanigans!

Ah, summer.

School is never actually out for us, since we home school, but we take the summer days to dive into that good old unstructured, unplanned fun.

This year we are in one of our nomadic spells, so we are traveling a lot. The kids really enjoy hotels and museums, which is great because that's exactly what they'll be seeing as we make our way around! We have trips planned from now until the tail end of August, which is epic because I feel like I've been in the house all year.

The kids have been asking a lot about what I was like as a kid, and what I was into. They are interested in what I ate, read, watched, and played as a child, and I'm doing my best to recreate a lot.

My babies are city kids. They're being brought up in a subdivision with tree-lined streets and a clubhouse. They each have activities, ranging from tot soccer to swim class, so they are always busy with something. In addition to that, they travel a lot with us, so there's really not much time for them to do the stuff I did as a kid.

Read:I didn't do soccer or music lessons in the summer. I played outside. I drank sugar and caffeine and ate grease and cheese. (Not literal combinations--just illustrating how health conscious I was not!) I ran in the sprinklers and jumped in the pond to swim, and I did all of that pretty much every day. I am an 80s baby, so I had Surge and Clearly Canadian when I wasn't drinking Hi-C or tap water.

Somewhere in my quest to be the best damned parent I could possibly manage, I forgot to give them the simpler parts of my childhood, things that didn't really cost money but still helped make my little life really nice. I have enjoyed giving them the best of everything we could--schools, food, travel experiences! But hubby grew up on an island, and I grew up on a farm...

...and our kids have mainly only read about those places.

I'm making it my mission to take them to my hometown, the little town in Alabama where I got my roots and wings. I hope some of the places I used to frequent are still around: the parks and playgrounds, the schools I attended, the little restaurant and ice cream stand I used to get my double scoop from every Thursday afternoon. While I'm sure some of those places have since closed, I still want them to know those places.

I guess as I get in touch with my own roots and try to untangle the beginnings, I'm searching too for things to pass on. I don't want my childhood to be a mystery to them, because it wasn't all traumatic. In fact, the vast majority of it was darn near idyllic! I grew up in a really cool rural area, where I could play freely and enjoy fresh air and sunshine.

My kids are growing up a lot more sheltered than I, due to the times, but I don't want them to have fear. They need to feel the sun on their backs! They need to wake up, go down to the pasture, and run wild until lunch time. To catch turtles and frogs, and make tree forts and obstacle courses.

So...

...our summer shenanigans begin.

Pump Tips!

Namastè!

So...as you know I'm a pumping mama. (Three years and counting for two babies, give me my propssss!)

Many times, I share pics and posts and the number one thing I'm asked is, "How do you do it?!"

Pumping is hard work. Unlike breastfeeding, you aren't attached to your baby. It's a machine, and it's a weird feeling. It's not exactly the stuff brelfies are made of, know what I mean?

But I have some tips and a hack or two to make it a little better.

1. BE CONSISTENT.

While yu needn't have a set time and duration for each sesh, you di need to be consistent. I always set my pump seshes around how my babies ate. Tiger Lily, for example, is a 12-3-6-9 eater. She's always been really punctual about it too. So, after her nursing sesh, I pump. Or I'll let Hubby give her a bottle and pump while he feeds her.

2. BE FLEXIBLE.

You have to be willing to concede a wish or two sometimes. The ultimate goal is feeding baby, even if it doesn't go exactly as you envision.

3. GET GUIDANCE.

Even as an exclusive pumper, we can still benefit greatly from a consultation with an LC.

4. Don't get taken in by the latest trends.

You don't need teas, cookies, special diets, or certain Gatorades to produce milk. You just need consistency and determination.

5. Consider a hand pump.

I own two manual pumps--a Medela Harmony and my favorite, the Haakaa.

I can't really think of much more, because there's not any magic involved and the only way to have a good pumping experience is to create it. You orchestrate how it goes. 

Growth Charts

Tiger Lily is very petite.

Despite nursing around the clock her first few months, she never seemed to grow all that quickly. She finally put on a delightful chub, but her height/length ticks along at a snail's pace.

According to the charts, she's in the 4th percentile,

But I tucked my manners away for a second and said, "Fuck those charts."

The charts don't measure how she's hit every milestone ahead of schedule despite being sorta diminutive.

The charts don't measure how she eschews typical snacks but devours mango and avocado with big girl gusto.

The charts don't measure how she manages to keep up with her brother and sister despite her small stature.

Hell, the charts never revealed anything, except that 96% of the kids her age in Georgia were growing faster than she.

Before she got a medical all-clear, I was concerned about those charts, y'all. I used to bug our pediatrician because I was terrified they would want her on formula (I am against formula for my babies because I make plenty of milk!), or that they would insist she needed medications or interventions with no guarantee she would ever grow to their prescribed rate.

She probably won't grow as fast as we would like.

We also won't be terrorizing ourselves with those damn charts.

Note: As long as a child is thriving and meeting the milestones in their pace, the charts are merely a tool to compare their growth in relation to the growth of other children in their age range and/or local demographic. They're not iron clad. They also don't take into account breastfed babies, who actually tend to be leaner than their formula fed counterparts.

Stash Pics?!

Namastè!

I'm sitting in my little pump space. I have my chair, my sparkly pump, and my craft of the day--a learning journal for Brother Bear.

Today I had to bag and freeze the milk from yesterday and the day before, and it's 120 ounces!!! My kiddo's stash is remaining steady, and I'm beyond proud.

As a breastfeeding mom--three years in, thank you kindly, with an average of 200K ounces donated per year!--I know the pump doesn't represent anything except another bottle.

It doesn't measure my ability.

It doesn't measure my strength as a mom.

It doesn't even measure my milk, as no pump removes 100%!

But when I look in the freezer or deep freeze, I can't help but feel proud. My body does this, with no magic food or drink. I don't have superhuman powers. I don't even have a ton of support, aside from my mommy friends and a few blogs.

It's amazing to me, and because I'm cataloging every step, I take pictures of the stash. I take pictures when I donate and clear it out. I take pics when I restart. I take pics when it's a burgeoning mother lode.

As I share my journey, I also share my pictures.

And then the weirdness starts.

First off, when I see a mom rocking it, I congratulate her. I don't get any stronger by shaking another moms foundation. I don't make more milk for my baby by taking cheap shots at another mom's stash. And yes, I truly think a stash of 4 ounces is just as important as my current stash of 400 ounces.

Why?

Because I recognize and appreciate the work that goes into even one pump session.

What I don't really get is, why a photo of my success triggers a snapshot of another mother's failure.

It's a picture. It's one mom's journey. Looking at that picture of her journey should not effect negative feelings toward your own!

Three Year Olds... BE BUGGIN'!

My little boy bear is now in the heavy part of three-ness.

Knee deep.

Either I don't remember very well, Princess girl's three, or I have blocked it out because it's a painful reminder that regardless of how well you care for a kid, they will still turn on you. Like, in a heartbeat.

Right now my kid loves all things Dad.

Dad must cook.

Dad must do bathtime.

Dad must drive.

Dad must read the stories.

Dad must get the first hugs and sugars of the day.

Dad must...

...be a frickin' unicorn because His Royal Threeness has an entire come apart if I attempt any of the aforementioned.

That's daily if you lost count, because I'm home with the small humans all day while Dad brings home a larger chunk of proverbial bacon.

In general I'm fine with the Dad preference. He's a boy after all. It isn't like he wants to paint his nails and put together outfits from our Pinterest boards. My little boy bear likes the same stuff his dad likes--tools, cars, and using tools on cars.

I am all in with his burgeoning desire to learn everything. I love going through his know book and talking about the things we see on our adventures ands jaunts around the cities we visit.

I was not equipped for his periodic come aparts though.  *insert cracked face*

Three-year-olds be buggin'!

When Politics Creep Onto the Table...

Unpopular opinion time.

You were warned...

As much as I refuse to discuss politics (or the series finale of America--potato, potahto), I follow them very closely. While I have never required my friends to think exactly as I do, I do enjoy being around humans who think, period.

I don't hold a person's political views against them any more than I hold my daughter's inability to sleep through the night yet against her. People--and Tiger Lily--do just what their brains and development allow them.

Politics have been creeping onto my table for a while now.

I'm married to an immigrant. Allow me to spill the beans--we don't get ANYTHING free. Not healthcare, not food sramps, not WIC, NOTHING. There is also no free money given to him just for being here.

(Also...the cost of naturalization is steep. I actually plan to go into detail about that next post.)

We are not religious. Our beliefs align with being good people, and we believe strongly in taking care of family, community, world.

We don't believe government has any place regulating a woman's body. As long as Georgia has collapsing bridges and buckling roads, soldiers sleeping under the bypass, and teachers relying on EBT to eat despite educating our literal future, my ovaries and uterus should be the last concern of the powers that be.

We understand that this country is NOT a theocracy (i.e., a society ruled by religious doctrine) therefore a person's faith or lack thereof does not make them superior nor fit to hold office. In fact, it makes overly religious quite unfit, due to inability to separate Sunday school from Monday government.

...and I have never ended a friendship over politics.

I have ended friendships over sickening beliefs that Black and Brown lives are worth less.

I have ended friendships over the belief system that create division based on religion--since America was originally founded for religious freedom of the Pilgrims, explain why their descendants have issue extending the same courtesy???

I have ended friendships over hypocrisy. You cannot vote and align with racist policies and then coo and fawn over my kids, because my family is exactly what racists hate and fear most--we are educated, upstanding, financially stable Black and Brown humans who have the nerve to effect a positive atmosphere wherever we are. Race mixing, successful underdogs?! The nerve of us!

I hope I didn't lose you--unless you needed to be lost. In that case, good riddance!