I have been a milk donorbfor 3 years now, and it has been an amazing journey. I've made some lifelong friends and gotten to be part of some wonderful families.
We didn't really do anything special or magical to make it work so well. It generally comes downbto basic courtesy on both sides. We came in with a common goal--feed the babies! My work is bringing the milk. The families' work is collecting it in a timely manner.
The friendships and bonds are a bonus. They do make for a much more fulfilling experience though. I personally don't feel comfortable just handing a cooler of milk over to a stranger with no words exchanged, no updates on baby.
Note: I don't pry. I just think if I can feed your kid, I can at least get an update on if that kid is doing well?
My moms and I came up with a few things recipients can do to make milk sharing super smooth for all involved.
1. Don't be greedy. In one group there is a popular mama with adopted babies. If she doesn't comment on every post, her drones are tagging her. They work hard for this woman and I suspect she collects hundreds of ounces per month from different sources. These aren't ongoing donations--she literally swoops in to grab every available stash. Her drones coordinate pickups. (She has bragged about donors filling her deep freezer.) The teamwork is beautiful but there is SO MUCH PRESSURE for donors to share with this greedy woman!!! And she really does grub for milk to the point she could be pushing an equally deserving baby to the back of the line. To further aggravate my soul, the greedy mama hops on other posts recommending galactagogues. If they aren't working for her... *smirk* I ended up blocking her and a few of her runners so they couldn't even see when I was offering milk.
Bottom line...don't be greedy. Don't.
2. Always bring bags. ALWAYS. Even if your donor provides them with no fuss, you can still help take that little expense off her hands. The gesture itself will speak volumes about your sweet self! Even if the donor is getting them for free (via insurance, for example) it's still a super polite gesture to always bring some. If she has a preference, get that type. If she doesn't, bring the kind you like.
Just don't fake her out--lie about having bags and show up without. And please don't try to dictate what kind of bags you will give, because even if that's her request then you still come out winning. You only get to choose if she has no preference, as mean as it sounds. Example: I use Nanobebe for my little's personal milkies stash or to donate (and Kiinde for her smoothies), but I accept any brand to donate.
3. If you don't/can't do small talk due to time constraints or shyness, send a quick text or message--a cute pic of baby enjoying their bottle or even just a smiley! (I actually don't do small talk! I am painfully shy and my anxiety is gross, so I'm always grateful for the option to exchange texts. And pictures of the babies is a huge plus.)
4. Be honest. You don't have to create a sad story or extreme urgency! (To be perfectly frank I avoid donating in these situations--I am always nervous because desperate humans are scary humans.) I'm always surprised that a great many of the less than 2% of women in the whole world who physically cannot produce breastmilk, always seem to end up in the same comment sections or donor groups. No shade to the honest...but everyone isn't honest. Somebody, somewhere, is lying, and it isn't fair to the donors who may be giving out of concern for your contirved issue while skipping over a real one.
All milk needs are valid, so just be honest and keep things fair.
5. Be concise. Sometimes a long story is too much. While some background is preferred by some as they decide who to milk share with, if you keep it brief and basic you won't overwhelm the donor.
6. BE NICE. I personally glance over the social media and try to get a feel for what kind of family I'm about to associate with and have in my home. While I don't necessarily judge on that alone, a mom with a page full of inflammatory, racist, or other inappropriate material would not get a drop from me. Even if it is just for giggles, be mindful that you might be offending potential donors. Be a nice person anyway, but especially in milk sharing.
7. Don't be overbearing. I can't mesh with overbearing personality types. You don't have to be my best friend overnight--my best friend wasn't even my best friend overnight! I think the overbearing is rooted in gratitude though...at least I hope so.
8. Understand the process! I do not deliver milk the first few times--I like for them to come to me and see my pump station, freezer, and just get a confidence boost about the whole thing. (This is a major deal--their child's food! I prefer for them to at least show some interest in how it happens.) I like them to know their baby is getting milk that is pumped and stored in the cleanest, safest way possible outside a lab. If they won't take a few minutes for this, I won't donate.
...
I've been doing a lot less peer to peer donations honestly, because it's exasperating to deal with humans. As I said earlier in tge post, I'm always blown away because I know less than 2% of women in the whole world are physically unable to produce milk--but they all coincidentally live in the Unites States and alternate between getting offended on breastfeeding-centered posts and/or recommending galactagogues in milk donor groups.
I still have my goal of ONE MILLION OUNCES donated, so I will keep at it and just be more selective.
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