Tween Time!

In my last post I was talking about how we had the really good parental control app, Family Link.

But no app can work if the communication between parents and child isn't good. After all, the Family Link application has to be installed on both the parent device and the child's. The child can delete it just as easily as they delete anything else!

I have four winds of communication that I keep in mind when I'm dealing with my kids. I like to keep everything down to four laws or less, and flexibility reigns.

These go for all the kids, but specifiy our Princess as she is the eldest and is more in tune with our behavior as it compares to our expectations of her behavior. We like to keep ourselves TAYE!

1. Transparent.

I let my kid know the what and the why. And if I deviate from our prescribed course, I let her know what's up.

2. Accountable.

We make sure we are accountable for our deeds, good and bad. If we break a tenet before her, or she realizes we have, we don't sweep it under the rug. We discuss (within the bounds of what she can process) and let her know that we messed up. We also apologize when needed.

3. YES.

We only say "no" when it is necessary. This is a family, not a prison. Added bonus--because our NOs are not frequent or reflexive, they are more readily understood. That's not saying the kids aren't still disappointed by the NOs sometimes, only that they understand there must be a real reason rather than just assuming Mom and Dad are being mean today.

4. Even.

The rules are applied fairly across the board. While that doesn't mean everyone gets exactly the same rewards and punishments, it means we apply the same rules to each situation with regard to the child in question. For example, Tiger Lily is not expected to sleep all night, so she doesn't incur any consequence for being awake. But Princess and Brother Bear, aside from when they do not feel well or we are traveling, are expected to remain asleep/quiet in their rooms until morning. They each have the same rules and expectations, and we try our best to tailor the consequences (positive and negative) to their age and stage.

Same with Family Link!

While Princess could theoretically (and quite literally) get into way more mischief than Brother Bear, she also meeds more permission and access. So she receives that (more permission and more access), but also more in depth parental controls. Not more rules, but the settings for her are more detailed.

It's a balance we are learning as we go. For sure we have made blunders, but we have also got a pretty good grip on it.

Maybe once the kids are all grown and gone, we will have a real handle on this parenting gig!