Milk Donation: NOT A FAIR GAME.

Milk donation is life-saving.

Milk donation is life-enhancing.

Milk donation is...

...extremely biased when you are a Black or Brown mom.

Note: IF this offends, I invite you to take a look at your own experiences and proclivities regarding dealing with moms (or humans) outside your own culture. If you haven't experienced a racial bias, you cannot really speak on it. If you have a tendency to overlook women of color, then you should pack your offended away and take this opportunity to reflect and possibly change.

Prior to 2016, I had never donated milk before. In fact, my original intention was to ship the milk from Southwest Georgia to Gwinnett County, as we were returning home with our son (he was about 6 months old at the time) and I could not fathom just tossing over 12,000 ounces of milk! I just wasn't having it.

But anyway....

I did some research on shipping and ended up on a site that mentioned donation. So then I switched gears and contacted some milk banks. I ended up getting medically cleared through three programs (Helping Hands Milk Bank, the National Milk Bank, and the Piedmont Donor Milk Program) but still needed to move that milk quickly. So I decided to look into Human Milk for Human Babies.

HM4HB is a peer-to-peer program for milk donation, and it is a beautiful, lifesaving resource.

However there is an ugly side.

Moms of color (Black, Latina, East Indian, etc.) are often passed over in the forums. While we WOC donate at equal to or even with greater frequency than white women, we are passed over when the other shoe drops and we need donor milk.

I used to be very jaded about this. My friends are all of different ethnicities and nationalities, and while we observe each race or nationality in the circle, it does not define how we look out for one another. If my girl neds it and I can provide it, she has it.

However I could not pretend it wasn't a real possibility.

First let me say this: A donor is allowed free choice of who she gives her milk to. It is hers, and she is the sole selector of anyone who benefits. That is her right.

BUT...that doesn't negate the fact that there are literally women in the world who will only donate to white moms and babies BUT if they were in need, would turn around and accept milk from ANYONE.

I know life isn't fair, but this bothered me. Unfortunately I ended up seeing firsthand. Well, second hand.

Note: I have carefully expunged any and all identifying info. I redacted the images. I'm providing a screenshot  of the conversation, but the point of it is NOT to expose the woman, only to examine her prejudices.

A few notes: The exchange began yesterday morning around 10.30. I cropped out all images so it appears choppy. The only thing I manually redacted (with scratch out) was her location, as that isn't central to the story and I still have to protect her privacy. My friend's messages have a blue background and hers have a black background.  I removed all the images as well. ALSO--MY FRIEND REALLY NEEDED MILK. That part is NOT an experiment--we would not play that way when so many women have an urgent need. She (my friend) is Hispanic.

Hopefully that clears up ANYTHING you had questions about.

In the first part of the message, she texted my friend to let me know she had gotten her DM (direct message--but they were on FB originally exchanged numbers. Just for clarity. Also this isn't uncommon, as I myself like to have a text contact for my families.)

At this point there was an exchange of light chatter---where they went to school, etc. (Obviously redacting that because again, I'm NOT giving any identifying info.) She did seem a little standoffish after she realized my friend went to a predominantly Black school and lived in an area considered "tarnished" because so many POC have "invaded" in the last decade or so. *shrugs*

Anyway, they actually spoke over the phone. She never made any indication that donating milk to my friend's Black self was an issue. According to my friend, they chatted for a few more minutes and agreed again to meet up at Target at 9 the next morning. (Target is supposedly 15 minutes from her.)

My friend initiated this text chat the next morning, assuming it was time to meet for the milk exchange.

She jilted her. She decided, after letting my friend wait for over an hour, that she couldn't give her the milk.

The nutrient count was off. *scoff*

So said the MILK NURSE.

When my friend attempted to call her, she realized had been blocked.

My friend went back on the message boards to try to find some milk.


A day or so later she decided to tell me about it. I was mad as a hornet because one, I could have just given her the milk outright with no confusion. (She has gotten milk from me before--she didn't want to be a bother but this is what I do as a donor, GIVE MILK!) Two, this woman really tried to say the nutrient count would be off AFTER she had offered my friend the milk AND agreed to meet her. She probably already knew she could not or would not, and to have my friend waiting was just cruel. THEN SHE BLOCKED HER?!

Again, it is a donor's choice as to with whom they share milk. It is their right to decline at any time.

However according to my friend, this woman was all on board until she saw the baby's photo. My friend has a gorgeous brown baby--big dark eyes, buttery tan skin, and the silkiest black hair ever. She is obviously Hispanic and undeniably adorable. She is also deserving of any liquid gold she can get, and her mother shouldn't be denied that liquid gold solely because of her race.

Note: My friend has actual documented insufficient gland tissue--she has tried every intervention on the market to produce milk. Hers is real--she's part of the less than two percent. of women who cannot produce milk. She is NOT part of the lazy brigade who don't try.

My friend is a lot more gracious than I am. I would have ripped into her, or at least reported her.

Unfortunately people don't get punished for being racist, and it's as rampant in the mom club as it is anywhere.

Ironically a little checkaroo of that mom's pages and posts revealed she has fed her previous baby milk from a Black donor. The nutrient count was magically okay then. *shrugs*


The shit going on in 2019...humans disgust me.

Foam Plate (Learning Activities)

Teaching my kid everything he needs for preschool is both daunting and enjoyable.

Daunting, obviously, because I want to make sure he is ready for his teachers, and that we've laid a solid foundation so he can easily pick up and master the concepts. I don't want him to be in class struggling. *face palm* Enjoyable because I am literally helping foster a love of learning now that will serve him well for the rest of his life--it is hard not to be lit about it.

I know it seems like I'm reading a whole lot into a 3-year-old's academic chops but it's important to me.

To that end I have been busting my metaphorical buns to find engaging manipulatives, activities, and books to set up our learning space in the house.

I've had great success with most of those, but since we are working on penmanship I have been really getting into the foam plate activity.

The foam plate activity is super simple. All you need is:

1 plate or cookie sheet (preferably ones you don't need for actual cooking or eating)
1 can of soap foam (or shaving cream, unscented)
1 blanket or towel (or if weather permits, go outside on your driveway or deck!)

Note: The soap foam I use is from a play shaving kit Brother Bear got for Christmas last year. It comes out like shaving cream and smells like berries. It's nontoxic and he isn't allergic, which was an important consideration for me because he's got sensitive skin and is prone to an angry red rash when something doesn't agree with his skin. Anyhoo...

The foam plate activity is just as its name suggests.

Sit the blanket down and put the plate on it. Allow some space for your kiddo(s) to sit around the plate. Spray a bit of foam onto the plate and smear it around. Then allow your little one(s) to write letters, numbers, or even draw shapes in the foam.

It gives them some freedom that ruled paper does not. It allows them to feel the shape of the letters as they trace them. They can write big or small. Erasing is easy as pie. And, save the "mess" of possibly (okay, almost definitely) getting soap foam everywhere, it's easy to clean up!

An added bonus is that the soap foam we used doubles as bath soap anyway, so washing hands after was a breeze.

Check out our video of Brother Bear doing the foam plate activity here!

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Pages and Pickles

As you possibly know (depending on how active you are on my FB--I don't pay for views so their algorithms are quite likely choking my visibility right on out), I am finally plugging away at this book!

Crunching my pickles and writing. (Well, revising now.)

I can gloss over how glorious the process has been (I love writing) and how much fun it's been (I truly am enjoying it) AND I can even tell you I believe it will do well (I do)...

Or I can be frank.

It is a major goal of mine. Also I'm scared shitless! When I take on a new project and its success boils down to other people embracing it, I get real angsty about the whole deal. I can put out the best book of 2019 and on the shelf it will sit if it isn't riveting enough.

This book is like my newest baby.

I'm preparing it and also me for the first day of high school and must prepare it (and mostly myself) for the various people it will encounter, its classmates!

The Principal wants to know why it's late (why didn't I write this sooner) and reminds us of the Code of Conduct (i.e. that I must do my best and work hard on it whether it's ever noticed or not.)

The Counselor keeps it sane and provises a safe place to vent if needed.

The Teachers, those wonderful ones who will help develop it and push it to become its best, are waiting with homework and essays.

The Besties will meet it where it's at and embrace it no matter what--they will support it and love it even if it is a little crazy.

The Newbies don't know me or the book from a hill of beans but they see me and raise me one, "Nice words and paper!" I can't wait to meet my newbies.

The Meanies are gonna attack or ignore it no matter how good it is. Ain't any pleasing them. Also they don't like its cover.

The Climbers are gonna tough for me--they will wait to see if it does well before embracing it. And they only want to be involved if it is popular. When it becomes a thing, they'll pop out of nowhere with the hidden admiration and how they knew it would be great way back when.

The It Crowd is gonna make sure that it knows it doesn't belong, and will do their best to keep it in its place--which in their eyes means to keep it far away from relevance.

...

See? I have a knack for this word weaving thing.

I just have to get over my nerves and hangups. After all, I can't publish it if I'm terrified to hit send.

The biggest part that makes me nervous is doing this after five years of wanting to (and waiting for the thing that would spark my interest enough to go 100% with it), but that's also the part that makes me proudest. I have been studying the legal aspects and I dug into all sides of the fence before choosing the route I believe is best for this, for me. I have an editor and a legal team. I have test readers for when the time comes. (About a month before it goes all the way live, my testers will have reviewed it.)

I think oa most nervous about how it'll be received. My family (hubby and the three bears) are all convinced I'll be doing book signings and tours within months. While that's an amazing dream, I will be happy seeing it finished and being able to show the kids what can happen when you work hard toward a goal.

I am so ready!!!