I Took My Cape Off.

Namastè!

I did it.

I don't regret it.

I took off my cape.

You know the one.

The super mom cape.

...and I feel like a whole new person.

See, I grew up without the typical nuclear family. (I was primarily raised by my grandma.) I didn't want for anything  BUT I always promised myself and the Universe that if I ever had children, I would be as close to perfect as I could possibly muster.

You may be nodding your head.

You also probably don't get it.

I didn't want to be a good mom. I didn't want to be a great mom.

Nope.

I wanted to be perfect. As close to it as I could get.

I planned my entire foray into parenting down to their names. (I still have a few left in case Hubby and I aren't finished.) I knew what schools I wanted them to attend--homeschool was first choice, followed by prime districts in four of my chosen cities. I knew I'd breastfeed, they would not consume dairy, and they'd eat as much organic food as I could get. I wouldn't have them watch television--they would read!!! I would have them sleep trained and on this utopian schedule by 2 months. I would document their development with expertly-staged photos and videos.

...I didn't see LIFE looming around the bend, though.

I didn't plan to lose sleep worrying about how many ounces this one drank or how many actual calories that one managed to eat between sprints around the playroom. I didn't plan to fall apart over lost socks or outgrown shoes that were sooooo stinking cute just a few days ago and why can't you still wear them?!

Nah.

I was supposed to be cool, calm, and collected.

Supposed to be.

These days I'm not so into perfection.

I'm into letting the baby sleep on my chest. I'm into making mud pies and volcanoes with my princess. I enjoy everything wild and magical about being mommy to a toddler!!! (He can TALK, y'all!)

There's a schedule, but it doesn't revolve around my art gallery visits or work. It doesn't revolve around whatever cute couple-y things Hubby and I want to do.

It revolves around the little people. The little people we made! (How cool and perfect is that?! We made them and they are still flourishing. Thriving even!)

See, I traded my IDEA of perfection for my REALITY.

It isn't perfection by a long shot...but it's so much more enjoyable to just be in the moment.

I'm learning still. I still have to remind myself that it is perfectly fine if everyone stays in pajamas one day. Or three. We don't have to eat Instagram-worthy meals every day. (Although I do plate a mean display! I make absolutely PRETTY veggie nuggets and cauliflower tots when given the opportunity!)

I threw that "supermom" cape away and actually became Supermom. The real one.

I'm not a hot mess mama by a long shot--my house has to be clean. My kids aren't allowed or encouraged to be bratty. And I seriously believe in cooking 6 nights a week, even when it doesn't happen that way.

Because I'm a type A personality, this "laissez-faire" outlook is taking some adjusting. I have to consciously give up control over the minutiae so I can actually be present in those moments. I don't stage those pristine photos, but I do snap life as it happens when I have a moment.

I stopped letting my past drive my present. I felt a lot of pressure, mostly self-inflicted,  to be a perfect parent. I was subconsciously trying to be that perfect mom for TAYÈ,  not my kids. The thing is, Tayè is an adult now and has adjusted.

Tayè turned out just fine.

Tayè turned out just fine.

I reiterated that because sometimes I need a reminder. No matter how well-adjusted I am  (and seriously, I feel like I do very well!), I still revert back to see of my old coping mechanisms when my back is against the wall or the pressure mounts.

I am a perfectionist because I felt like that would draw the interest of my biological parents. (It's didn't.) I am a perfectionist because that's my insurance policy against being called a slacker. (I'm not a slacker by any means--I know this but I still have a ways to go toward truly internalizing it.) I always feel like I could be doing more, or doing what I'm doing a bit better.

Learning to be gentle with myself has been a process.  I'm a huge critic of me. (That's generally why criticism doesn't bother me--I give it to myself twenty times harder.)

...but I hung up the proverbial cape. I'm learning to enjoy things. I have a huge zest for life. I just have to let myself breathe and not worry so much.

It's a process I'm undertaking with--What else?!--a winner's  outlook.

That cape can stay on the hook, though.  I won't be needing that.

I hope you'll hang yours up too.

Namastè!

-- Tayè K. ♡

Don't Be So Quick to Tylenol that Fever...

Namastè!

On the topic of flu and colds, we can't ignore the elephant in the room.

Fever.

We watch those thermometers like mama and papa hawks. Anything over 98.6 must be dealt with, right?

Well, no.

According to the American Academy of Pediatrics...

Because a fever is the body's defense, and how it inactivates viruses, it is fine to NOT grab the Tylenol and Motrin immediately. When we inhibit this defense mechanism, we actually worsen/lengthen illnesses.

(You can check my facts here.)

NOTE: It's important to regard the actual thresholds for each age group, and note any additional conditions or health constraints your child may have, when deciding how to proceed with any medical treatment.

Many times, we think of the fever itself as an illness.

It isn't. It's a symptom, a cue that we feel, which lets us know something is amiss. Kinda like the body's AHA! moment where it mounts a higher defense against the bacteria or virus.

Unless my kids are unusually lethargic (read: not playing or doing their usual activities), I don't treat their fevers. I watch them and keep a close check on their temps, but I don't immediately grab meds.

What do I do?

👑 Keep them hydrated. Popsicles, fruit juice, breastmilk (for the tinies), and good old cold water are top choices. I also like to give them chunks of cucumber, because it is cooling. We also keep Gatorade on hand. (They only drink the lemon-lime.)

👑 Keep them comfortable. I set the thermostat on 70, and let them wander around in a very light layer of clothing. Or just a diaper for the smallest.

👑 Keep them under observation. While I don't grab meds at the first sign of an elevated temp, I do keep check on it. I try to take their temps ever hour or so while awake, and every couple hours as they sleep.

👑 Keep simple foods on hand. My kids aren't the best eaters when they're ill (typical of most kids, I imagine) so we generally have soup and crackers. They love homemade chicken noodle with Goldfish crackers, rasam (which is essentially tamarind soup) with chapatis (essentially, Indian pancakes.), and miso. These options are nutritious and filling, yet easy on the tummy.

👑 Keep them rested! I encourage naps and calm activities, because resting is necessary for healing. When they're under the weather, I read to them more often and cuddle for more movie time.

NOTE: Any time you feel a stronger option or more in-depth care is warranted, call your pediatrician. Don't take just my word. Urgent care and emergency care exist to help manage symptoms we aren't comfortable treating without a doctor or nurse to guide us.

Wouldn't it be easier to just give them meds?

Possibly.

But if we take away the defense in the name of quick comfort, we risk far more discomfort later when the illness lingers.

Also, like most medications, fever meds have effects. They make kids fussy and sleepy, and can disrupt their eating. Some children are allergic. (For example, I am allergic to aspirin.)

Aspirin (think Baby Bayer) has a risk of Reye Syndrome. Acetaminophen  (good old Tylenol) carries the potential to damage one's liver. Ibuprofen (hello, Motrin) can damage your stomach and intestines.

Would cycling the meds eliminate the risks?

Yes...and trade the inherent risks for one more huge one: accidental overdose.

The theory behind cycling meds is noble. It's done to avoid maxing out on one particular medication while still getting the benefit. In this case, reduction/alleviation of fever. However, cycling must be done carefully and under the watch of a pediatrician, because it is easier than you think for a baby, toddler, or child to get too much medicine, quickly.

There are no risks involved with the steps I mentioned taking BEFORE resorting to meds, though.

Now...before anyone accuses me of being anti-medicine (you would be correct, as I avoid as much pharmaceutical treatment as is safely possible) or anti-doctor (you would be wrong, as I'm far from that but very pro common sense also) hear me out ...

I believe in as much comfort as possible. I wouldn't recommend for your children anything I haven't successfully done for my own. Research backs me on this. The American Academy of Pediatrics backs me. So I feel confident in sharing it.

I'm fully on-board with meds when no other remedies have worked, or if my kids are in pain or distress. I just don't grab the first aid kit at the first sign of a little something. (A big something is an entirely different case.) Part of today's immunity crisis is due to overmedication and hyper zealous "management" of the body's natural defense. If you never successfully slay a dragon, you'll never learn what works. If you never BUILD an immune defense, what are you to use against a common illness, your charm and wit?

Trust me, throwing well-timed jabs at a cold doesn't work. I am or may not have tried it. *chuckle *

...

Namastè!

-- Tayé K. 👑

How We Keep the (Worst of the) Flu At Bay

Namastè!

Aughhh, this cold and flu season has been horrid. (I said that in a previous post. I like themes, so here we are.)

This particular trip might seem a bit odd considering we didn't actually prevent the flu 100%. We have managed to avoid hospitalization though. Our kids were seen and diagnosed by a doctor but used zero prescriptions and minimal medications period. We beat it just the same, using simple, common sense remedies and preventive measures to keep its reign over our home very short.

NOTE: I'm not some whack job who will tell you to avoid medical care. I clearly stated we were seen and diagnosed by a doctor. We did not accept antibiotics (influenza is a virus), and our medical team agreed that the best way to treat it would be to let it run its course and keep the kids as comfortable as we could in the meantime. Don't take this as a surefire treatment plan, but rather an account of resources successfully managed and utilized.

That being said...

Once we knew for sure it was flu (and adenovirus for our princess), we set out to relieve as much discomfort as possible.

No antibiotics!

The flu and/or adenovirus and their symptoms cannot be treated by antibiotics.

Why?

Because true influenza and adenovirus are not cause by bacteria. They are viral infections. Antibiotics kill off LIVING infections--but viruses are neither living NOR dead. They must run their course.

This doesn't mean the body has no defense, though...

Don't be so quick to quell that fever!!!

When the body mounts a defense against a virus, we often get a fever. It's very important to NOT blindly suppress this reaction--that fever is how your body inactivates the virus.

Once the virus has been inactivated, it no longer replicates its DNA. Which, in layman's terms, means the body has successfully "beat it." This is why the symptoms tend to taper off after 24 hours or so of no fever. No replication (i.e., "spreading" through the body by hijacking your DNA in order to "copy" its own) means the virus has run its course, and you'll begin to feel better.

NOTE: I said, "Don't blindly suppress this defense." I did not say, "Completely ignore temperatures." We must be mindful and vigilant of the fever. You needn't medicate for "regular" temps (see chart), but ANYTHING higher than indicated safe by the American Academy of Pediatrics needs to be treated and/or addressed by an actual MD. While I have a vast grasp of medical info, my experience is still limited to nursing. I'm not an MD--and I can't treat or even diagnose your child via online interaction.  This post is intended to be a guideline for comforting and preventing, NOT diagnosing or curing.

Here's the tea, per the AAP, regarding fevers. It shows what actually constitutes a fever. We often think a fever (hyperthermia) is anything over 98.6--but if that were true then anything below that point would be hypothermia, which is when the body temperature drops way too low! Crazy, right?

Wash your hands.

Common sense. Was your hands!!! You touch things that others touch, and an exchange happens--you leave your germs,but take some of theirs along when you go.

We often joke that we would rather eat a sandwich off our store's toilet seat than from the hands of someone who touched a doorknob and didn't wash or sanitize afterwards.

Drastic?

No. In our stores (we are, among other professions and ventures, a convenience store family) the toilets are literally sanitized after each use. We wipe down the door handles and knobs fastidiously as well--but those doors see far more visitors than our bathroom. Because those doors see more visitors, they see more germs. There isn't even time on,the average shift to clean the door handles and knobs after every touch, so imagine how nasty they get... *shudders*

Think about that the next time you're in public. Then wash your hands. (And PLEASE Lysol your doorknobs & other common TREATABLE surfaces at home. You'd be surprised at how much bacteria/potential sickness you can eliminate.)

Eat well.

A good diet does more than keep your clothes fitting right and your kids growing well. It also helps boost your immune system!

We're far more likely to get sick if, in addition to the added strain of fighting off an infection, our bodies are lacking vitamins and/or nutrients. Good food fuel is key to staying well in the first place, and can greatly reduce the duration of an illness should one occur.

Should you fall ill, eating (or drinking) better will help give your body the fuel,it needs to heal. That's why the best "remedies" are black elderberry, ginger, honey, and lemon, among others.

Stay hydrated!

You would not drive your car without the right levels of oil, water, and gas. That'd be hell on your engine. So...why would you push your body tho work without proper hydration?

Hygiene matters.

I bathe at night and shower in the morning. If I get pooped/peed/puked on, that's another shower. If I am sick, I skip the evening bath in favor of a shower. My kids have the same routine--a wash off in the mornings (or if they get particularly grubby) and a bath in the tub at night. We all brush our teeth twice a day. We wash our hair a couple times a week. Nails are cleaned and trimmed as needed. We wash our hands often during the day.

Excessive?

Not to me. The very bacteria and viruses that cause these "epidemics" are commonly found on our bodies--on our hands, under our nails, and in our mouths! Simple hygiene eliminates them.

Clean that house.

A clean body means nil if the house is dirty.

I'm a bit of a neat freak--I don't let laundry pile up, I don't let dishes sit in the sink unwashed, and I don't let more than two days lapse between vacuuming. Not just because I don't like clutter, but because I don't like the dust, allergens, and general ickiness that would pile up if I let the house get too out of hand.

Note: I'm a mom. You'll find toys in my floor and hair elastics on the sink. I don't always empty the dishwasher. When I say clean, I don't mean PERFECT. I mean there aren't vermin skittering across the countertops and plates of yuck under the couches. I consider a room clean if I can take a photo and not need to crop anything out for presentability. Your mileage and preference may vary!

I just wipe countertops, doorknobs, and common surfacess with Seventh Gen dish soap and hot water with a dash of bleach. After that I run a vacuum over the floor, run the dishwasher, and fold up whatever blankets the kids have dragged out. Twenty mins tops and the house looks great--and I feel like the absence of excess keeps the ickies down.

STAY HOME.

If you are battling a cold, OR just getting over the hump, STAY HOME.

I know, I know...you have a litany of reasons,why you have to go out. But bear this in mind--you are not only exposing everyone else to YOUR germs. YOU ARE EXPOSING YOURSELF TO EVERYONE ELSE'S GERMS WHILE YOUR DEFENSES ARE DOWN FROM FIGHTING YOUR OWN.

I inflected on that last sentence there. It's a true story. It is how my Princess ended up with both flu AND adenovirus. Taking her to be diagnosed wasn't optional. Despite the precautions we took, she still encountered and contracted the adenovirus. She was out, with limited resistance, and the current strains of both influenza and adenovirus are airborne.

...so, I am adamant that home is where you (and I) belong when we are sick and potentially contagious.

It's not a utopian idea. Stay home as much as possible. (And take precautions like masks and hand sanitizer when you must go out!) You can greatly reduce Your chances of getting sicker, or sharing your sickness with others simply by staying put.

Just because your fever is gone, doesn't mean you need to mix and mingle!

If not for YOU, think about all the immunocompromised people--transplant recipients, tiny babies with no immunity, elderly people!!!--for whom YOUR cold could be THEIR pneumonia or worse.

Some of what works for me might seem like unicorn ideals to you, but of I share it and it helps even one of you, I'll proudly be your unicorn blogger mama. Come to think of it, I dig unicorns anyway...new tagine, perhaps?!

Namastè!

-- Tayè K. ♡

Boogie Wipes!!! (A Review Post)

Namastè!

Aughhhhhh, this cold and flu season has been horrendous. I’ve had to quarantine Kids Namaste to make sure they didn’t share their ickiness, and I’ve been running ragged trying to keep them comfortable. My most challenging (and by challenging, I mean generally noncompliant, shrewish, and downright hard-to-treat *chuckles*) patient approves...sorta. By approves, I mean he didn't hide or run away.

One of my go-to products for comfort during a cold? Boogie Wipes!  I was super excited to snag a promo pack from them.

NOTE: While the products mentioned in this review are sponsored by Boogie Wipes, the opinions, experiences, and insights about said products are mine and mine alone.

Lookie-loo what I gottttttttt... Boogie WIpes in all three scents PLUS their brand new UNSCENTED saline mist. (Wipes are available in all three scents in Wal-Mart, Target, Rite-Aid, CVS, and Walgreens--check your local stores. The unscented mist is ONLY available in Wal-Mart.)

I first got aboard the Boogie Wipes train in 2009. My princess was under the weather (read: pneumonia—AGAIN) and I needed to get some of those fever patches. While looking for the fever patches, I came across this cute little package of purple, grape-scented wipes just for noses. Since she was having a lot of runny noses, and a lot of discomfort from dry tissues AND baby wipes, I decided to give these little saline grape wipes a try.

Fast forward 8 years later, I keep those little grape wipes--and their fresh and unscented counterparts—on deck for runny noses.

Why use a saline wipe? Wouldn’t a regular wipe do the job just fine?

Well, look at this label. The first ingredients are water, salt (sodium chloride), aloe vera, and chamomile. (I underlined them because I'm a gem.)

No alcohol.

Saline is gentle. Alcohol is not gentle. Alcohol is, in actuality, much more not gentle than those dry tissues... *sighs* Can you imagine (or remember) the sting of having a tender raw nose, but mom keeps wiping it anyway? OUCH.

When I’m wiping my kids’ noses multiple times a day, I don’t want them to be further irritated by dry tissues. Even the softest facial tissues can irritate a tender nose.

Boogie Wipes were invented by moms, and they got it right.

So…no, using a regular wipe won’t do the job just fine. Of course someone somewhere would be wagging their finger or rolling their eyes at me, the extra mom, but I firmly believe a butt needs a butt wipe and a nose needs a Boogie Wipe! (See what I did there?)

Also in my promo package was the unscented saline mist.

Misting a baby or toddler can be difficult. They don’t want to sit still, and they don’t want that stuff going in their noses. Understandable, especially considering some saline mists AREN’T simply salt and water. See this label?

ONLY water and 0.9% sodium chloride. No extra preservatives, add-ins, or unpronounceable things added in to make the can heavier.That’s a big deal to me—I don’t like excess medication, and I don’t really like extra research projects. I research every ingredient in everything my kids use or ingest. I know exactly what salt and water are, without needing to crack out a reference tome. MAJOR plus! There are ZERO alcohols, chlorines, parabens, or phthalates in Boogie Wipes. They are hypoallergenic! (But don’t flush them!)

The Boogie Wipes mist is a breeze to use also. (Rather than depress my son’s nostril, I had him tilt his head to the side.  When we finish with the mist, I (or he) wipe his nose with a Boogie Wipe.

…and he breathes easily.  

I especially like the mist for right before bed, because with his round of flu and adenovirus, his congestion has been worse at night. With the Boogie Mist and Boogie Wipes, we’ve been able to keep him nice and comfortable, and he’s been able to fall asleep without the battle.

He's ALSO learned to blow his own nose. He prefers to wipe his own face, and because the saline in Boogie Wipes is gentle yet very effective at cleaning away the nose goblins, we happily oblige. Plus he's darn cute. *heart eyes*

This company makes their products right here in the US of A. Upon further reading of the label, I found THIS little tidbit: Each purchase of Boogie Wipes products helps provide jobs for Second Chance Employees. I love this! I like supporting companies that support the community.

You can find out about Second Chance Employees here. And don’t forget to check out the Boogie Wipes site as well, for information on their products AND of course, to re-up and replenish your stash.

Up next, I'll be sharing MY personal tips to surviving the flu AND how to prevent its spread in the first place.

Namastè!

--Tayé K.

 

Actually, My Kids AREN'T Encouraged to Be Sassy--They're Encouraged to Behave Well.

Namastè!

We had unavoidable errands to attend this week, and naturally I had the kids in tow. (Which, let me tell you, is a workout.) In our travels, we ran across an adorable little tot. She couldn't have been more than two or three, and she was precious. Beautiful child.

How did we notice her, in a throng of other equally adorable kids?

Well, because she was being a sassy butt. An absolute brat, if I'm being blunt.

(And no, I didn't conduct some deep study into her life. She was yelling, kicking, and crying over a toy because mom said NO. She even had the wherewithal to BARGAIN with her mom about not throwing things if she got the toy.)

No dice. Except instead of flat out refusing the purchase and letting that be it, the mom bargained right back. It was actually pretty sad, because no parent should actually "have to" beg a toddler.

Request, yes. Beg? No.

So...the kid threw her shoe.

NOTE: I'm not judging, just describing what I saw and how it relates to what I'm asserting. If this child was not encouraged and applauded for being...sassy, as her mom put it...she wouldn't have been comfortable throwing her shoe at her mom in Wal-Mart.

I kid you not...this sweet-faced little girl had an arm on her. She chucked her cowgirl boot right at her mom, because mom refused to buy more Shopkins.

What does Mom do?

Whips out an iPad and some fruit snacks. Clearly embarrassed, totally outdone.

She bought the Shopkins.

Took that L.

My heart did not go out to her, honestly. In a time where t-shirts proudly proclaim our hot-mess-ness, and sharing "cute" stories of our kids' precociousness online and in person is the norm, this behavior is all but programmed. This mom was just suffering the effects of allowing this kid to behave this way over time. (I could tell it wasn't a new thing by how worn down the mom looked, and the smug grin on,the child's face when she got her "prize.")

We love to see little kids acting older, speaking like miniature adults, and throwing their sass and spice as they navigate the world.

*needle scratch*

This is probably going to sound judgy, but NOPE. WE (as in I, Tayé, ME) do NOT find sass appealing. I don't think it's cute. I think it is SAD.

Call me sanctimonious, or whatever helps you feel better, but bratty kids are just NOT adorable.

I mean, I GET IT. It isn't easy to mold a strong-willed little human. Kids have their own personas, from day one. Regardless of how we try to shape them, they are still their own people. I know this. And I'm not one of those moms who expects perfection. (I have a near-2 so I'm well-versed on this new wave of toddlers.)

Our babies now are speaking, thinking, understanding, and feeling way more, way more strongly, than we ever did at their age.

They are also getting away with more, and we (and by we, I mean you, because this ain't my deed) are recording, applauding, and screen-shotting their antics because it's the new thing. Never mind how it stunts them developing the right behavior patterns, or hinders them being ready for everything from the potty to preschool...its funny so we must encourage it. *smirk*

Confession: I'm not a hot-mess mom. There, I said it. I like to keep my proverbial and actual stuff together. I don't take pride in a messy house or eating takeout 5 nights a week. I don't cave to my toddler's tantrums OR my preteen's hissy fits. I don't shop to excess for my kids "because it was sooooo cute." I don't give them rewards their behavior doesn't merit (obviously based on age). I don't parade their bad behavior as the trendy hip. I like my house in order, and I like my kids to behave as if they were raised versus just growing up.

By the same token, I'm not some warden, drill sergeant mom. I get each kid's ins and outs. I know their temperaments. For example, my near-2 is in a precarious place right now as the middler. My preteen is reveling in being the eldest, the BOSS.

BUT...they know their limits. While we let them feel their feels and process their own emotions as they need to, we don't allow them to terrorize the household.

Have we taken away their spark, especially our girls?

No.

By not encouraging or applauding the wrong things, we quite blatantly encourage and foster their desire to do what's right.

Little girls(or boys) throwing fits isn't cute. It isn't endearing. It doesn't set them up for any particular success, except maybe at throwing worse fitslater when they are bigger.

All it does is show them that they can bully their way to the desired result--iPad time, an extra snack, more juice, whatever they're throwing a fit about.

I don't stifle my babies' emotions or their process to develop,g control over those emotions. Toddlers throw tantrums. Preteens,have their moods as well.

The difference between allowing and celebrating is clear, though. I ALLOW them to have some time alone, in their rooms, to be as mad as they want. If the scene in a store is too overwhelming for my toddler, I take him out to the car until he's calm. Period.

The thing the sassy is cute crowds miss is this: We, the general public, dont,want to hear your "sassy" kid screaming down the walls in a restaurant because you didn't give them their choice of dessert. We don't care to encounter them,at the playground, because you haven't taught them to play fairly. We don't want to see their current misbehavior celebrated on Facebook or Instagram.

This "sassiness" is actually brattiness. When you encourage that, you diminish that child's entire experience.

So yeah...we pass on that here in Castle Namastè. Discipline is absolutely a real thing, and we believe in it.

NOTE: The root of discipline is TEACHING...not HITTING. So don't let your misunderstanding upset you.

That's my box for now.

Namastè!

-- Tayé K.

10 Reasons I Took An FB Hiatus

Namastè!

I dropped the "namas-HEY." It didn't feel right.

In recent months I've also dropped social media. My IG and personal FB have not gotten love lately, aside from sponsored posts and appearances. I hate to know anyone would be worried on my account...but I also hate feeling obligated to the illusion "online only" friendships foster.

NOTE: I'm super grateful to have bonded and shared my journeys with my tribe. I love swapping stories and experiences. Not a single tribe member could or would ever be discounted or disposed of--but when I realized I needed more healing than a group chat could provide, I also realized I needed to do so completely removed from the pressure of checking comments/messenger/DMs and bouncing ideas off people who were probably as far up NOPE creek as I.

So...if you're still inclined, here's that ten.

10. I was running out of pleasant conversation.

I really ain't the most social creature. I am not at all a butterfly, but instead some weird, always-sleepy moth. Which means I don't always have the energy for the witty banter I like to engage in on my best days. When I'm tired and don't feel like pretending or seeing past my discomfort, I withdraw. I don't apologize for this...but I do take the lumps for it.

9. I was tired. Really tired.

I manage the entire Namastè household because the Hubby works 16+ hour days. Yes, his schedule allows me to be the WAHM I so love being...BUT I also get nowhere near enough rest. I work also--from freelance writing to running the salon to dealing with the farm--and it isn't some glamorous affair. My work isn't JUST a hobby turned profitable.(Although how lucky am I?!) It's draining. Add to that my family responsibilities, and my own 16+hour days are as exhausting as his!

...but, to quote one of my anchors, the law isn't forcing me to take 3 breaks. I'm not guaranteed a lunch and smoke. (In my case the smoke would be "eat chocolate" but still...) So I have gradually stopped forcing myself to get things done. I quit when I'm tired. Social media made me tired...So, I quit for a while.

8. There are other ways to keep in touch...

Facebook and Instagram are convenient. Popular as heck. However, I find that it's quicker to call or text a person than it is to send that "call me" text or message and then wait for the response.

I don't randomly offer my number because people are and can be REALLY weird...but I'm not opposed to a good gabfest every blue moon.

7. Sleep is life.

If you'd ever had a newborn and a toddler, or a newborn, or a toddler, you know this. I'm not always down to be social but I promise you I will nap anyplace, anytime, with any reasonable accommodation. My current go-to is my closet, because no one interrupts a woman in the closet.

6. Iron sharpens iron...but I've been marshmallow.

Know what iron does to marshmallow?

Crushes. Cuts. Smushes.

Yeah. I didn't need any of that. While most people aren't exactly out to break others down, anxiety and depression are funny creatures. By funny I mean, "the world is closing in yet I must fold these towels because I'm trying so hard to function today," not "that's hilarious, we must laugh til it hurts." Laughing only hurts when it's good, or when it's forced. Mine would be forced, and I don't like forced.

When I can't be the right kind of contributor to a situation, I step aside. I can't help anyone else when my own hands are tied. Rather than pour from an empty vessel...you know the rest, because I've mentioned it before.

5. I miss the not-so-old-but-still-somehow-distant days of friends meeting up to have coffee or pizza, and actually TALKING.

I know, I know...being mom/employee/wife/saver of worlds/greatness doesn't leave a ton of time to just veg out.

But I'm really jonesing for that classic friendship vibe. It isn't present on social media. Social media doesn't compare to actual presence, and it often leaves us all feeling a little livelier the when we log in if we are completely honest.

4. Aside from my blog work, I don't have much to talk about.

I used to spend a lot of time curating posts. Is take the best pictures, and write the wittiest or most insightful captions I could conjure, and hit SEND.

...then those perfect posts would just sit there. *chuckles*

But when I have the time and inclination to open up and share an unfiltered slice of life, I get genuine feedback. My "few" words don't limit me unless I water them down by making a lot of noise on social media when I'd really rather be quiet!

3. I value our privacy a lot more since the blog and my kids' little projects have taken off, so I don't share as much.

I have never been a tell-all type of girl. I like to keep some mystery for myself, a piece of me that Instagram, Facebook, and even this blog don't get.

2. Not everything that happens, needs to be publicly hashed...and I get to decide the pieces of our life that do get publicly hashed!

Because of my semi-reclusive tendency, I like to go offline, off the grid, when something big is happening. I like to process things fully before (and as I decide if I will be) presenting them for social media to dissect. That's why I appear so even! By the time something makes it to you, I've already been up, down, and all around it and I'm comfortable sharing. I'm comfortable entertaining opinions, whether they be for or against.

Mainly, I do so to make sure our life stays OUR life. Some things just don't need to go beyond the house, and that isn't necessarily a bad thing. In our case, it's generally good.

1. It is a huge relief knowing I run my social media accounts, not vice versa.

When I created my blog and its accompanying pages, I knew it would be time-consuming. I knew I'd have to spend a fair amount of time making content and curating posts to draw and keep my audience, as well as attract sponsors and cultivate opportunities. I was well-versed.

I also knew I wanted to walk the thin line between really good blogger and PROFESSIONAL blogger. I wanted to be good enough that big companies would work with me...but stay small enough that I could go to Wal-Mart and be unnoticed. That meant I had to write. A LOT. And WELL.

But since I'm not a slave to my online presence, I'm able to carve out a little hybrid existence between planes. I benefit greatly from interacting with people from every corner of the world...

...and now, I'm ok NOT interacting as well.

For a little while I enjoyed the constant buzz. The nonstop notifications. The ever-present messenger dings.

Now I enjoy the freedom of enjoying it without commitment. I log in today and maybe won't log back in until June. It's all MY choice, NOT the stipulations I allowed my stats to force on me before.

It's freeing, in this weird way.

...

My anxiety isn't directly caused or exacerbated by social media itself. (It is postpartum anxiety.) Aside from it being one more thing to tick off my to-do list, it doesn't bug me.

I just currently really dig and like offline connections. Conversations without acronyms. Actual human face to face interaction. Real-time reactions and facial expressions. Real hugs!

Sometimes we all need that.

Namastè!

-- Tayé K.

Schedule? YES PLEASE.

Namas-HEY!

 

I hope you’re having a wonderful year. My family is awaiting something amazing. Also I just couldn’t wait to put 2017 in the rearview. It was a hard year for us in that same way that chewing glass shards and tinfoil is hard.

 

We have only a few weeks left with a one-year-old! Our little guy will be two soon. I’m so not ready but at the same time he has developed by leaps and bounds and I can hardly wait to see what he will accomplish next. He is talking so well and I promise, he learns something new every day. Right now we are doing a lot with colors (all those blocks definitely helped me come up with a curriculum of sorts—he brings me his blocks and we talk about colors) and animal sounds.

 

His schedule seems to be keeping those terrible twos at bay so far.

 

I know, I know. Schedules are for moms who “have time.” Moms who can tie their own day around a toddler’s whims. Most of us hear that word schedule and automatically think, NOPE. Not for me.

 

I used to, also.

 

My son has been in a routine since he was born, but it was set mostly to his hunger. I fed him on demand, and with feedings came diaper changes and naps. When he was tiny, that was all enough. Alas, now his favorite food is not breastmilk, and he spends his days playing and learning. Getting into things is high on his priority list also. We needed to get him on a program of sorts…

 

Without some structure, a toddler will act out. (Big kids will too!) They need the safety of knowing what comes next, and the security that comes with their days following a certain order.

 

Getting our little guy back on program has been a lifesaver recently, as he’s been a little crabbier and clingier than usual. (Kids can sense change!) Because he knows the general flow of his day, he is a lot more comfortable. He eats, naps, plays, and bathes around the same time each day. His temper is a lot less “oh em gee, why are you angry now” and a lot more, “Yes, let’s read that book and then have snackies!” It is a huge relief to kinda have his little world on a set axis so to speak. He knows when things will happen, and it makes those transitions from one activity to the next way more pleasant.

 

Lie and say it isn’t easier to deal with a pleasant toddler. I double-dog dare you.

 

Like most families, we have a lot going on. Hubby has a crazy work week, and since he’s a very involved dad (whom the kids will run slap over, because he’s also a very indulging dad), we desperately needed some cohesion. Our schedule isn’t exactly airtight, as we have some days where it isn’t possible to keep a rigid routine. Hubby sometimes has the kids out, or they may be with their aunt and uncle, and those differences can skew things a bit.

 

Our big boy wakes up at 8 each morning, and has his hygiene and breakfast. (I like to give him a quick wash over in the morning when I brush his teeth—Dad doesn’t do the wash over but puts him in the shower.) His mornings are kept fairly quiet. Library trips or calmer activities at home.  We set the pace for morning to be quiet because that’s also typically my errand time.

 

He gets his first snack around 10 am. I keep his snacks healthy and light—fruit, yogurt, smoothies, goldfish crackers, and sandwich quarters are his favorite. A common cause of tantrums is low blood sugar! When a toddler’s blood sugar drops, they’re naturally more cranky.

 

Example: My guy eats lunch around 12:30—that’s a whopping four hours after breakfast. He isn’t a baby now, and is always on the move. It probably takes no time to burn off his oatmeal and fruit. A few hours later, he is hungry again…which can quickly turn to HANGRY if we aren’t mindful. A hangry toddler is that screaming, whining, demanding little urchin the terrible two legends sprang forth about.

 

After a snack, we move into the higher energy activities. He rides his trike or drives his car around a bit. We do block towers and toddler yoga. We play moving games like Simon Says and Mother May I. All this helps build his appetite for lunch, as well as burn off that good old toddler energy.

 

Lunch happens around 12:30. We eat, wash hands and faces, and have a story or maybe one of his DVDs. After lunch comes a nap, so we keep it kinda chill.

 

Nap or quiet time lasts about an hour. (He’s slept up to two hours, but has lately weaned himself down to ninety minutes or so.)

 

After the rest period, he hangs out and plays with his sister. (She generally finishes up her school day around 2 or 3—her home schooling is another reason we keep mornings quieter.) They ride bikes, play games, and annoy each other until dinner, which happens around 5.30 or 6.

 

After dinner, we all hang out together. It isn’t a structured time, just family time. Usually no phones or other distractions. Hubby is usually home, and the kids get to have time with him unless he’s called back to work.

 

Baths happen at 7. After baths, we read. (I read with and to them every night, even if I have to do so by video chat!) The book is usually one of the calmer selections. Something he can talk about or point out pictures (his current faves are doggies and mommies) but not something that would have him too wound up for bed.

 

We try to always put my little bear down around 8. He usually falls asleep after his book, especially if it is Clifford or his Baboochi book.

 

I used to be that mom who thought moms with schedules were too controlling. I used to chuckle inwardly when I heard them say things like “naptime” and “snack time.” In my own little world, those things didn’t mean anything. But then again, I was a brand new mom and only had my princess to look after. If she didn’t have a nap on time, I could easily adjust.

 

Fast forward: As a mommy to more than one, I live by the schedule (and my toddler occasionally dramatically “fake dies” by it). I am homeschooling my princess, and keeping the little prince on a schedule means I have enough time to really focus with her—and also him. By keeping a routine in our home, each child is guaranteed the amount of one-to-one they need. For example, my princess goes to bed a half-hour later than my prince. That’s an entire 30 minutes to talk, paint nails, help her choose an outfit, or help with her hair. She generally wakes up a little earlier than he does, which allows us another chunk of girl time in the morning.

 

As our family grows, we are figuring and smoothing everything out. The schedule certainly helps. I now know those scheduling mamas weren’t crazy. Nope. They were right on the money. Yes, it can really dampen the spontaneity. (But with kids, what is ever truly spontaneous anyway, other than tummy viruses, tantrums, or those “kids say the darnest things” moments?)

 

My days are not really wound around my kids—I have figured out a way to kinda “braid” my days into theirs so we’re wound around one another!

 

Also…sick bonus: Each child is guaranteed to be in bed by 8.30—can we say SCORE?! After that time I’m free to have an uninterrupted bath or shower. I can catch up on my serials or I can sleep.

 

I know number 3 will disrupt that me-time royally but for now I dig it.

 

Namaste!

 

--Taye K.