Age Differences AGAIN: I'll Just Sit By Myself, Sheesh!

Namastè.

Ah, age differences.

If you're new to the party, I always seem to have a weird age difference thing impeding potential mom friendships. I'm either the youngest mom with the youngest kids or the oldest mom with the youngest kids in most settings.

This weekend I got a chance of a juncture! (Not really lifetime, more like chance of this particular point in time.)

I was at the May Day festival. Perhaps it's a Southwest Georgia thing? I don't know. But anyway, I was in the place, double stroller and tween queen in tow. I actually made what I thought might be some cool connections. No person is an island after all, and even if I am happy spending time with me I do still enjoy the company of others from time to time.

I actually lived in SWGA before, so the associations I was with aren't entirely new.

The vibe was weird this time though. Like, uncomfortably so. We got our requisite festival food--including my first ever smoked turkey leg!--and walked around a bit. Because I have small fries, and my tween queen isn't old enough to be out unchaperoned, we broke camp early and headed back to hubby's temp stay. (He maintains a small house in SWGA, and when we visit that's where we stay.)

"That's why I don't have small kids."

No, you don't have small kids because they grew into  big kids.

"I wouldn't want babies at this age, I'm trying to be free."

Did I ask you to have my babies, because that's not exactly how this works.

"I don't know how you do it, being tied down all day to that baby."

Well, my hope is that she won't toss me in a nursing home later?! People with kids are usually pretty tethered to those kids, I don't know, because the kids need their parents!

Made me ILL. Like, really aggravated, and I'm not even sure why. Aside from the audacity to throw shade when they legit drool over my babies and want to babysit all the time, they don't make much noise. I don't hang out with them with any regularity.

Even when I hang out with my age group, I'm the odd one. *chuckles*

Since I prefer to hang out with my kiddos anyway, this doesn't count as an L.

Double Stroller Decisions...

Namastè!

As you know, I've got two under four. The youngest Namastè kiddos are both still small enough to need a stroller when we travel or run errands that involve a lot of walking. Which would be most of ours,  because I prefer shopping centers where I can park, then walk from one place to the next--in between shops I put our bags in the car. Less gas used and fewer emissions from the car, plus more exercise for me.

But choosing one was super hard.

I knew I wanted features similar to the luxe pram Tiger Lily enjoyed, with the ease of handling I enjoyed with Brother Namastè's jogging stroller, and I wanted it to look good too. I didn't want it too bulky, it needed a good weight limit, and I wanted it to be easy to fold. While it seemed like a crap shoot, I also didn't want it to eat up too much trunk space.

That's a tall order because double strollers aren't typically built as mindfully as singles. Companies don't want to put too much into them because then the price point would go up, and they are already fairly expensive.

Prior to our current choice, we went big.

The Bugaboo Donkey is a $2,000 stroller and it literally has all the bells and whistles. Also, it's huge. While that deliciously luxe, impossibly pricy pram was super nice to look at and almost as nice to use, it didn't ultimately fit my life. For one, it's bulky as heck.

Now. Picture this. I drive a Lincoln Navigator L. My truck is about eighteen inches longer than the original Navigator, which is a beast in its own right. We have all the options, including the disappearing 3rd row. The Donkey ate up almost half of my trunk space WITH the third row folded down. (We took the seats of for a smaller fold...still had to bring them along though obviously.) If I put it in with the seat still up, I wouldn't even have room for groceries. And that big old thing was a beast to fold too. I couldn't do it singlehandedly. Nor could I do it all that quickly. The Donkey didn't really mesh well with my day to day activities, as it barely fit through standard doors. Because I do a lot of mall and outlet shopping, as well as library runs and restaurant crawls, this made the Donkey more a liability than an asset.

By contrast, our new stroller of choice, the Baby Jogger City Select Mini double, only takes up a little more space than our single stroller! It folds easily. I can fold it or pop it out for use by myself.

The kids were very comfortable in the Donkey--but the wheels would catch any blip in the sidewalk and it wasn't exactly suitable for our home in Albany, where we live right at the edge of a swamp. The Donkey is NOT for all-terrain. (You'd think for $2,000 we could drive that sucker on the moon?!)

The Mini is an all-terrain dream.

While it is smaller than the Donkey, and most other double strollers (with the exception of umbrella doubles), my kids sit cozily inside. The 5-point harness is padded. The fabric isn't Egyptian Cotton, but it's very comfy for them. It's very breathable too--they aren't sweating after sitting for a bit.

Brother Bear is getting pretty tall, and Tiger Lily is...well, she's not getting shorter. *chuckle* There's a big size difference right now, but the Mini eats that up and delivers a really good stroller experience.

I like the steering better on the Donkey, but the Mimi wins overall for best handling because it's so light.

So...

While we do get what we pay for--the Donkey is better for vacations in the city, where it could shine!--we ended up getting a much better deal for the Mini.

Note: Our Mini cost $90. We got the tray, cup holder, and gliding board (for when Brother Bear doesn't want to sit) off the Baby Jogger site. So for around $300, we have all the options whereas the base cost for a brand new Mini is around $450. As I previously stated, the Donkey cost about  $2,800 by the time we added options and color preference.

You'll be seeing our Mini on IG, as it's summertime and we have trips planned!

Why Do I Pump?

...because I would rather ride this wave of oversupply than let my milk dry up and potentially damage my nursing journey.

Moms who pump are a fringe on the tapestry of breastfeeding. (I really prefer to call it nursing--breastfeeding is simply feeding at the breast BUT nursing is feeding and nurturing.)

I nurse AND pump.

I don't mind answering questions about either.

Seriously, I study breastfeeding and breastmilk constantly. I am always trying to find the most current info. I'm passionate about it and love sharing what I'm learning.

But!

I don't like being questioned about why I make a personal choice.

For me, pumping was just that--a personal choice I made. It's purely selfish in nature, too. I literally pump milk because I hate the full feeling I get when  baby hasn't nursed in a while. She's mainly a night feeder, so during the day I pump for my comfort. The stash itself is nice but irrelevant, just an outlier to something I do that is for me first.

I don't do it because I'm lazy. (It's a lot more work than simply latching.)

I don't do it because I enjoy it. (I legit do not.)

I don't do it for likes.

I don't do it for approval.

I don't do it to show off how much milk I can move. (Because that's not how much I make--no pump removes 100%.)

I don't do it because it's easy.

I don't do it because it's fun.

Every once in a while I'll share a stash photo here or on my social media. And every time, I'll get the obligatory comment about how it isn't fair to brag when *insert reason why my stash photos offend*

I ignore those.

Know why?

Because Tiger Lily and I are my why.

I do this for my comfort, but also for her nourishment.

The better question is, why does it bother you how I feed my kid, if it doesn't cost you time, money, or energy???

Little Peanut

Namastè!

Last night I finally got around to bringing out a box of the next size clothing for Tiger Lily. I was thrilled to get her two new outfits yesterday in her new size!

Tiger Lily is a tiny thing. She is just mama's baby peanut.

In Georgia, I think the norm is for babies to be chunky little sumo muffins. When people see my baby girl, they always assume she's a bit younger than she is. I used to get offended by that.

We tie a lot of pride to our babies whether we admit it or not. Their cuteness means we passed on those great genes. Their adorable outfits mean we give them the best our money can get. Their chubby rolls and great heights mean we feed them the best!

*needle scratch*

Tiger Lily doesn't have much height, and while she's getting some rolls now, she's still quite petite. She's a firecracker--what she lacks in size is more than compensated for in sheer will. She can do everything bigger babies do.

But back to these clothes.

Because she's been so petite, I like to dress her comfortably. She didn't wear anything but onesies and footers when she was a brand new flower. Even now she generally doesn't get dolled up except for appointment days.

Which is like, unfathomable in practically every mom circle with which I associate. ESPECIALLY since I am an influencer and both Tiger Lily and Brother Bear are tot models.

Tiger Lily is adorable. (I'm biased, but I'm also honest.) She has big deep grey eyes. Her skin is a really nice mocha tone. She doesn't have a ton of hair but the bit she has is very dark and super shiny. Her hair is beginning to curl, and has twirled itself into an adorable cowlick. She still has those kissable baby cheeks. Because she's so slight in stature, she truly looks like a baby doll.

Alas, I have not indulged the inclination to buy tons of tiny, trendy baby girl gear. Not in the newborn sizes, anyway.(Even though my Thumbelina baby could have worn them for months easily.)

But now I  enjoying dressing her up sometimes. She won't ever be stuffed into twelve pounds of ruffles with a ten pounds bow on her head, and she won't likely wear full pageant attire to Wal-Mart, but she can now wear little leggings and tunics. I've ordered a tiny salwar kameez for her. (She'll get a saree when she's older, and taller!)

Verydice?!

So I went down the rabbit hole.

I've been doing a lot of stealth scrolling on my social media--once I do my official posts, I log into my personal page and scope the scene so to speak. I love reading the articles and I've got a few favorite blogs that I follow faithfully, and when I have free time I catch up and check out what's happening.

Almost inevitably, someone will mention their Verydice code in the comments.

I had no idea what Verydice was, so I'd keep scrolling.

The ones sharing always mentioned how they got free items for playing this game. They would also mention how if you registered with their code, you'd get free rolls.

Admittedly I used to be pretty annoyed by those posts. Especially as I was reading a breastfeeding article (don't EVER interrupt my breastfeeding articles, bro) and saw a Verydice pitch.

But because it was super wee hours, and Tiger Lily was showing no signs of sleep, I decided that would be the moment I investigated it further. I'd get on Verydice and win me some stuff.

So...

I joined. I used a code from one of those "annoying" comments and got my free rolls.

It's a simple dice game. You hold a spot on the screen and roll the dice. Each pip on the dice equals one ticket. So if you roll a 3 and a 1, you would get 4 tickets.

There's also little bonus games for when you roll doubles. Any doubles of 5 and below get a basketball game. (Kinda...no, exactly like, the one in messenger or iGames.) You flick a basketball into the goal and receive bonus tickets for each successful shot. (I've gotten up to 10!)

If you roll double 6, you get to play a shooter game. Think old school arcade games--the space one where the screen auto-scrolls and you destroy obstacles by shooting, or avoid them by moving left or right.

There's a doubles jackpot that you can cash out every 24 hours.

Rolls can be won every 24 hours with a spinner. The top amount is ten, but you'll receive at least one. If you don't want to wait for the spinner, you can of course purchase them.

They offer surveys and offers you can complete for free rolls too. The offers involve things like downloading apps and reaching specific levels or achievements, or purchasing magazine subscriptions, or things like that.

There's a couple ways to get those rolls, so you can accrue those tickets and get those prizes!

As far as those prizes...

You can actually redeem the tickets for a WIDE variety of items. Most people in the comment sections of the articles I read usually advertise the baby products and toys. (I read a ton of parenting articles, so yeah.) They offer diaper, grooming items, toys, and lots of cute little baby toys too.

There are also gadgets and gizmos, cartoon items, electronics, clothing, and even candy.

The inventory seems to change periodically too, so it isn't always the same lineup.

Cashing out those tickets will likely take me a long while though, honestly. I thought I was moving along nicely until I realized I have only about 1600--and even the small items are 2000 tickets.

The items are paid for completely with tickets. Shipping is free. I haven't ordered anything yet  (I'm still ticket poor, *chuckles*), but from what I've seen inside the app, items arrive in just a few days.

...

Is it as great as people claim?

I don't know yet. I am ticket poor, and I haven't cashed out yet. I do have an item I'm saving for, and it's 40,000 tickets, but that would likely take a few weeks tops. (Which isn't bad! Still a free item, no shipping, and all I'll do is play a game when I have time?! Schwiiiiiing.)

Would I ever actually purchase tickets?

Probably NOT. I don't spend money in game apps. (Only the Google Play credits I get from the Google Rewards app--they give you credits in exchange for answering short surveys.)

Take my friend code and give it a shot!

3861733

For the CULTCHA!!!

Note: I absolutely spelled culture, CULTCHA, on purpose. Get into it, because I'll probably keep doing it. It's how I pronounce it anyway, and I'm trying to be a little more personal with this all. That means I might not use my school grammar all the time, and

Namastè!

...because that's part of my personal culture. *winks*

Now. This whole breastfeeding life has me hooked. I'm obsessed with reading and researching. I'm obsessed with trying to teach and share and encourage. I'm obsessed, in particular, with pouring this knowledge and all these warm wishes into my fellow Black women.

That's not to exclude anyone else...bear with me though, because before I can save the world, I gotta take care of home FIRST. Like, I can't give a bottle to the baby in the park while my own baby screams her head off for her milk and my arms. Don't let the mention of actual race frighten you here. Absorb it, and maybe help me fix the disparities here.

Do it for the CULTCHA.

Or just let me do this, and don't be a thorn. My own culture is the rose here. I must nurture it.

My culture, Black women in the US, hurts as far as breastfeeding is concerned. Here's some numbers I've dug up...

As of August 2018 (the most current info I was able to dig up when this post slammed itself into my mind--it was a real gotta write moment), the CDC reports that only 58.9% of Black women had ever breastfed at all, compared with 75% of White women. That doesn't take into account any particular milestone, just that a baby was latched to the breast.

We start out behind the curve. But it gets deeper.

Add to that our higher infant mortality rate--due to lack of and or insufficient prenatal care, our little ones are more likely to be born too small, too soon, or too sick.

THEN add the fact that our experiences with lactation consultants can often be lackluster or even detrimental. See, the field of lactation professionals is like a snowy landscape, dotted with the occasional Black or Brown consultant. Because we are not yet well-represented in this field, we are often faced with trying to work with a nurse or LC who doesn't understand the cultural, economical, and social constraints we may face in addition to the physiological and emotional aspects of breastfeeding. There's so much that can affect it. A person who doesn't understand your path, can't help you walk it.

Now add in the unique cultural associations Black women face when we set out to breastfeed.

1. Many of us are not even offered information on it, beginning with our upbringing! We grow up seeing babies with formula bottles, even when the parents of those infants cannot actually afford said formula.

2. We are conditioned to believe our bodies, or breasts in particular, are for sex and aesthetic.  Period. That means we associate them with carnal pleasure only. And once you are conditioned to view your body only that way, you have a difficult time deprogramming that mindset and understanding that breasts are for feeding infants first!

Note: It's fine to look appealing. I'd be lying if I didn't acknowledge that breasts are part of the feminine aesthetic! I'd also be dead wrong if I didn't acknowledge and impart their FIRST purpose--to feed infants.

3. We don't get the right support, unless we live and or receive medical care in an area that's predominantly not Black or Brown.

I live in Georgia, in Gwinnett County. Peachtree Corners, which is right on the border of the coveted Johns Creek area. The "good side of the tracks" so to speak. I have private pay insurance. When I walk into my OB/GYN's office (or even my kids' pediatrician's office), I see bright colorful posters of moms breastfeeding. I see pamphlets providing information about the benefits of breastmilk.  The doctors and nurses extol the benefits of breastfeeding at practically every appointment. They celebrate it and offer resources to boost moms' success rates! The hospitals are baby friendly and further push breastfeeding into the eyes and minds of the families there.

But I also lived in Albany, before Tiger Lily was born. My husband relocated for work, and after a few haphazard months of trying to work through the 3-plus hour commutes and extremely limited family time, I joined him. But Albany isn't the same kinda town as my sweet Peachtree Corners. Not by a long shot. My doctor never mentioned how I would be feeding her. The hospital was supposedly baby friendly but the nurses were not overly concerned with helping me breastfeed. If I didn't know how, I would have been on my own to learn because they simply watched the baby latch (thank goodness she got it) and informed me that I could call the nurse if something didn't feel right. There was no actual lactation consultant, only a nurse who admitted that she only had her own breastfeeding personal experience but no formal lactation consultant training. (Would be the blind leading the blind, eh?)

I distinctly remember them calling me "Miss Atlanta" and kinda snickering amongst themselves because what had become a norm for me (doctors and nurses giving the best information regardless of perceived socioeconomic status) seemed to be over the top to them.

4. Perhaps the most difficult--we have a lot of past baggage regarding breastfeeding.

I call it the Mammy Complex.

Black women were wet nurses during slavery, having to nurse the master's children before their own or face brutal beatings and death--assuming they hadn't been separated from their own newborns yet, because babies were sold as well.

Fast forward a few decades. (It really isn't that far removed.) Because of those emotional traumas, and to provide the same things to their babies as their White counterparts, Black women embraced formula.

(I personally believe not breastfeeding was a way for them to reclaim their bodies and take a stand for their ancestors. Kinda like, "Look, great grandma. They can't take it away from us now. And our babies are getting the same "better" options as theirs.")

5. Despite the fact that all science is doing is trying to recreate breastmilk, and despite the fact that every formula can states "breast is best," Black women have embraced formula BECAUSE BUYING IT INDICATES A WEIRD SOCIOECONOMIC ADVANTAGE. Outside the cultural aspect and what I call generational trauma, we have been raised to think that formula is fine.

It is fine. It's fine in the same way 27-cent packs of Ramen and other inexpensive processed foods are fine. When you are hungry, you take--usually quite happily--what you get. Babies cannot choose, so if mom has decided on that formula, then that's what baby adjusts to and accepts.

While we might go out and get the most expensive brand of formula, touting the most health benefits, the closest one to MILK WE ALREADY CAN MAKE, we  miss an important point: formula will never be tailored to our child by development, and feeding them formula just because we can afford it is not really putting us ahead.

It's weird, yes?

...

Clearly I can go on, but I'll leave those bits for you to chew on right now.

When I say I do this first for my babies, second for the CULTCHA, I mean it.

The benefits to Black moms (any moms, but I'm talking about us here) simply seeing other Black moms breastfeeding and sticking to it, are immeasurable. I'll cover that in another post because I don't want this to run too long. We live in a 140-character world these days and I don't want to bore anyone...

But this CULTCHA.

I do it for us, but I also do it for us.

I always imagine, when I start to think about quitting (and I do--as does every breastfeeding mom), I remind myself of three things.

1. This is the only time I can truthfully say that something I do purely for my own kids, can help someone else. As I said, we need to see ourselves represented in this journey. Someone had to start the ripple, and I have to do my part to make it continue.

2. As we return to our natural hair and eat better foods ourselves, the natural progression must continue: we need to go back to feeding our babies their perfect food, whether we feed directly or express and use a good bottle. Returning to natural means we need to take our babies too, right?

3. As personal as breastfeeding is, it cannot be so personal that I can't share every bit of knowledge with other moms. If they receive it, that is. Triumphs and fails too.

I feel responsible for bringing some light to it.

Oh. My. GOAT?!

Oh. My. GOAT.

Have you ever been scrolling your FB feed, innocently talking about how you wish there was a better soap available, one that didn't break you out? And then that one ad pops up and drags your eyeballs to the corresponding site AND it's perfect?!

Just me? Oh.

Anyway...

Tiger Lily has a bit of eczema. It's on her little wrists and there's a spot on her shoulder. We've kept most of it at bay with milk baths and purified water baths--she's only used commercial soap like twice before and it didn't end well. Breastfeeding has been a lifesaver because she never had to encounter the most common irritant for a baby: formula. (Not even being a prick, it's just a known fact that formula can be particularly hard on babies with allergies and/or eczema.)

I make plenty, but that's roughly 60 ounces a week. (One day's pump haul, give or take an ounce.)

*le sigh*

While I wouldn't dare sacrifice her skin for the sake of a sweet scent, I have been wishing she could have a sudsy bath. Just a few, not necessarily a tub full of foam. She hadn't had a bubbly bath at all, because she bathes only in milk or purified water. She gets coconut oil as a moisturizer when needed. Her routine is super simple, but it's kept her skin clear.

Anyway again...

I was beyond stoked to see the O My! Goat ad, so I reached out to get some info.

Note: The products mentioned in this post were provided in exchange for an honest review, but the experiences and opinions expressed are mine and mine alone.

Because I know goat's milk is the gentlest of all the farm animals, and can be right lovely for skin, I wanted to try a bit on my little flower. Alas, I no longer have a goat. (Rest in paradise, Pickles!)

O My! Goat was a swift rescue.

My package arrived within days.

Note: These products are NOT advertised as hypoallergenic. I decided to try them with her after careful research and lots of consideration.

Because I love citrus, and Tiger Lily has an oatmeal lotion infused with a citrus essence, we were super excited to get the basil citrus soap.

The soap is very pretty, in a natural kinda way. You can see the swirls of milk. It's all natural, and I could pronounce and identify all the ingredients.

Suds?

YES. Very light lather. Sweetly scented and clean-rinsing.

Prior to bath time, I tested a tiny patch of skin on the back of her knee. Over the course of a few hours, nothing happened. (She flames up almost instantly if something irritates her skin. She's got a sensitive pelt in the worst way, y'all.)

I was thrilled. Also, she smelled so sweet (even sweeter than usual--she's still a baby and well-kept babies almost always smell sweet.)

Now... Tiger Lily LOVES her baths. She enjoys the warm water, and she likes her ducky. But she hadn't had suds before because I wasn't willing to set off a flare-up for a few minutes of splashing in foam. *sad face*

The goat's milk soap lathered up nicely. It's gentle--rinses right off, yet cleanses well. My little one really enjoyed her first bath with soap in months.

After her nath, NOTHING. No itching. No redness. No dryness.

That was a huge deal. Especially the moisturizing part. I typically give her a bath every other day, and keep her well moisturized with copious amounts of coconut oil. (Parachute to the rescue!) While I still used some, it wasn't nearly as much as normal. Her skin wasn't flaking and peeling at all. (Sometimes it does after a bath, which is why she doesn't get immersed every day.)

....

A week in, she is still comfortable and her skin is as soft and clear as ever. She doesn't use medication this far--we manage her eczema by carefully watching what she eats (she's still getting lots of liquid gold) and being super careful about what products we use on her delicate skin.

O My! Goat soap?!

Total win.

We are all switching to it now.

We also received the hand soap (citrus! *heart eyes*) and lotion (blackberry vanilla). As a bonus they included three lip balms--vanilla latte (my favorite), pink lemonade, and raspberry.

I typically won't boss you, dear readers. But I gotta tell you: GO ORDER THIS.

Facebook ☆ Instagram ☆ O My! Goat website

Aside from my own milk, this soap has been the only thing gentle enough to cleanse her skin without aggravating those patches. Her eczema is really odd, because it's only flaky in the visible patches yet her whole little body turns red and angry looking when it flares up. This soap was the perfect balance of natural and gentle.

I interrupt myself to show you my little flower child. Just bask in her cuteness. Look how precious... *heart eyes* And she's got a Lily! 

I can't stress that enough. Gentle!

We had been using another brand before, but it wasn't gentle. In fact it was one of the reasons we stopped using soap at all.

She can have a little suds in her bath now. *heart eyes* She also gets some extra relief. Furthermore it takes the guesswork out of skin cleansing for me, because I'm forever trying to find a good natural balance of cleanser and soother, typically with no luck.

I didn't need luck! I just needed O My! Goat ♡

I'm currently using it myself too, and I'm loving it. Hubby even joked that I had she'd my winter exterior. *side eye* He better watch it or this smoothness will be gliding around in the ugly pajamas!