Baby Registry... Manners?!

Namastè!!

Aloha.

No, I am not in warm Hawaii. I'm watching Hawaii 5-0. Georgia is frigid (my house is still covered in ice) so I'm deliberately watching shows and daydreaming about warm, beautiful places. I know the cold never bothered Elsa...but it sure doesn't suit me.

Alas, no complaints. It is toasty here in Castle Namastè so I feel like a petulant child for even thinking of moaning about the weather.

I was invited to a baby shower recently, an online affair! It was the neatest thing, and the honorees (is that what the parents are?) were so sweet. They were legit thankful for every washcloth, bib, and baby bauble they received.

Made me so happy to see that.

Baby registries are such fun. I remember going through the stores I registered at with that scanner, feeling like the Gift-anator. I really had fun scanning all the adorable gizmos and gadgets I was sure to need for my littlest Namastè.

...and then I made my actual gift registry, where I exercised much more...consideration...for the budgets of those who would be possibly purchasing from it.

I know most treat the registry as a gift suggestion, hence me making two--one to use as my own personal shopping list, that I would be buying for myself, and one to show to others who wanted to fete our baby's arrival.

I also know, "If you don't ask, you don't get."

Alas, I still felt like it was important to be considerate. I didn't put anything over $20 on the baby gift registry. It was legit designed to be out stock-up list. We included diapers, wipes, toiletries, and very basic items like onesie packs and socks.

Note: I totally understand that not every baby is a planned baby, but I also know every parent's obligation begins at conception. Situations arise and circumstances change, but I forever stand by the belief that a registry is for GIFTS, not NECESSITIES. Perhaps I'm boring but I would never put on a WITH list, things that are a REALITY. Oftentimes people WISH for the fancy crib or the too-cute-for-legit-words boutique outfits, only to turn around and not be able to get formula or other NEEDS--so that crib they never used anyway, ends up resold. If the registry is for HELP...request what's NEEDED and save those wish items for better days.

I kept 5 things in mind for that registry, the ones others would be shopping from, and I'd like to leave those 5 things with you. Tuck them in your pocket. Free grace, easy-peasy.

When creating a registry for others to shop from, here are my big 5 to keep in mind. No particular order...

1. LOCATION.

Not every store is available in every area, and not every person is comfortable shopping online. It's a little selfish to expect people to bend all the way, so give some thought to who will be browsing the registry as you plan your stores. Someone who cannot drive two hours to purchase one item might happily click online to purchase 3 or 4 and ship; meanwhile someone else might be willing to stop in store for an item because they cannot or do not shop online.

2. PRICE!

Perhaps I am very old school, but I cringe at the thought of requesting an expensive gift. (Except maybe from my husband--but that's different.) I occasionally splash out on my own splurges, but when I made my baby gift registry I deliberately kept every item under $20. While I was okay with the idea of having a wish list, I wasn't okay with people feeling like they "had" to buy pricy items for my kid to puke and pee on. I know  $20 was a good price point for our "village" so I was comfortable adding gifts in that range.

This isn't to say, only add cheap items. This is just saying, be mindful of who the registry is for--if you're from a family or circle of higher means, perhaps your gifters can and will splash out! If you're from more humble means and meanderings, your gifters may be more able to pitch in together or buy a couple smaller things.

It's ALL helpful in the end. Just try not to alienate your shower guests/gifters with items neither they nor (sometimes even you) can actually afford to give.

3. GRACE.

I was taught to greet a janitor and a CEO with the same respect. When I am opening or allowing my children to open gifts from others, I am as happy about a dollar store treasure as I am about a Tiffany's trinkets.

This grace thing includes NOT fishing and moaning about the gifts on social media. Even in the more private forums, I still try to exercise good manners.

I'm not saying I like every gift I've ever received. Far from it.

I'm just saying, no one knows if I like every gift I've ever received.

I never show anything but joy at being thought about--which is how it should be. It is hard to be disappointed when you understand that one, you aren't entitled to a thing just because you want it AND two, even for a person  buys a poopy gift on purpose, they still took time to buy one! (Also, I'm not sure what constitutes a poopy gift...except actual poop, and I'm not sure who or why would give someone actual poop. Perhaps I'm sheltered.)

Bottom line--don't be a giftzilla.

4. AVAILABILITY.

I'm in Georgia, near-ish Atlanta. As such, I can find almost any item, from high-end splash buys to Dollar Tree treats. As this hub is so popular, and populous, restocking is almost instant. If an item is sold out, it will likely be back on shelves in a few days unless it's been discontinued entirely.

Keep in mind, not everyone lives in areas where they can readily accessible all the cute stuff you're wishing for, and retailers select inventory based on what the area as a whole buys versus just what one mom wants. That Hawaiian lace layette may not be available, but refer to number 3 if your horns start showing.

5. NO PRESSURE!

I legit enjoyed browsing the registry my friends made. I felt like they were A) kind to give me some kind of clue as to what I should buy and B) incredibly reasonable with their selections, which made me wanna buy them more.

BUT what I don't enjoy is seeing moms--in person, in forums, and in groups online--act like total witches. At the very least, it is simply not nice to browbeat and bully your shower guests and/or gifters into buying things.

"GET WHAT'S IN THE REGISTRY OR DON'T BOTHER GETTING ANYTHING!"
"I'm not accepting cheap gifts." (Usually spoken by someone who lives as a boarder in someone else's home, does not work, and has bottled water budget but champagne tastes.)
"I need only name brand."

I itch at the idea of those entitled types bringing children into the world, to impart their materialism and bad attitude as casually as others impart the ABCs and Itsy Bitsy Spider.

(No, a baby does not need a $3000 crib and layette, nor do they need all those excessively intricate outfits and baubles. They specifically don't need them if mom and dad can't afford them without pressuring shower guests and registry gifters into buying them with the threat of never being allowed to see the child.)

Yes, that's been a thing--bratty, selfish types will swear you can't see the kid if you don't purchase what they feel you should.

...and to those types I say, "GET OFF your butt and buy your OWN presents, because you are ungrateful and childish."

ALL that to say this:

Registries should be fun to create, and fun for your guests to shop from. For me personally, the rule was to not add anything I wouldn't use, and I didn't want to put anyone out financially so I kept everything reasonable. ($20 max.) My husband and I got the major stuff ourselves, because--gasp!--we wanted exactly what we wanted, and we didn't feel it was fair to have our family or friends feel pressured into buying big ticket items. Those who did, did so of their own volition.

I guess the registry/baby shower etiquette thing is a big stick in my craw because I was raised by am etiquette queen. My grandma taught classes and even hosted an annual debutante ball, so I have always had social graces drilled into me. The most frequent lesson was always, be gracious and kind. (Most of the time I master it.)

Anyway...I won't apologize for feathers ruffled. It wasn't my intention to make anyone angry, but it was (as always) my intention to open those eyes to another perspective. In this case, the perspective of people who don't treat baby showers and new arrivals like a contest to see who can grub the most stuff from their families and friends.

Note: Receiving a lot of gifts is NOTHING like DEMANDING a lot of gifts. If you understand the difference, you can't possibly be offended...unless you choose to.

I hope my 5 points help you reign in that excitement to a manageable level, and I hope you get whatever it is you're wishing for, for baby, without having to be a giftzilla.

Namastè!

-- Tayè K. ♡