Moms of Color and Breastfeeding: Why We NEED to Get REAL About It

Namas-HEY!

I'm still up. Another idea, another post. You know the drill.

When my first baby was a tiny tot, I nursed her. I didn't know anything about anything, except I was young and broke, and formula would cost out the wazoo. There was no way I could afford those cans of milk, plus diapers, plus insurance and everything else my little one needed. But breastfeeding would be free, and better for us both. So I nursed. In 2006, I fed my kid and dodged the jabs.

I didn't have anyone to coach me through, and I didn't receive any support beyond the occasional, "I read that breastmilk is best." I had a pump but was completely clueless on how to use it, so I didn't. I didn't have any special tops or shawls. When the baby was hungry, the baby got fed.

What I did have, was a lot of people pushing me to use bottles.

"It's cleaner for the baby."
"Don't you want someone else to feed her sometimes?"
"Formula is just as good."
"These days, you have more options."
"That's not really a thing Black women do nowadays."
"That's gonna be hard to wean her off when she's older."
"She needs to learn to take a bottle."
"How will you manage that and working?"

And because my little 22-year-old self was so inexperienced, I didn't have all the answers. (I still don't!) I often let those little jabs get to me. I kinda stayed home with my baby, so I could feed her in the security of home. No one was judging, comjecturing, or telling me how formula was just as good and I needed to try that too. It was a lonely time, too. I was all but sequestered during what should have been the most joyous time of my young life!

Most times, I felt heavy shame simply because our breasts are so sexualized that even adult women lose sight of their actual purpose. Breasts aren't designed simply to look good, or feel good. They produce MILK. Developmentally PERFECT milk exclusively for our babies. Low-cut tops be damned, breasts are food first. I wish I had the confidence then to stand my ground and shout that from the rooftops. I wish I had the balls to stare down every human who told me to cover up or feed her somewhere else because it was immodest.

But I didn't. It was all too new.

I had never seen another Black (or brown) woman breastfeed, except those women on the NatGeo documentaries. The lactation consultant couldn't exactly relate to this issue, because she was blond and blue-eyed. Even she knew there was a huge gap in positive breastfeeding statistics for my dark brown self and others who looked like me, but what could she do? Most times, as soon as the doctor laid the baby on mom's chest, the nurses went swiftly to fetch those little bottles and the moms never batted an eye.

Reason?

We never really question beyond the norm. When a woman becomes a mom, there's a lot of comfort in doing what's tried and true. While formula is certainly not more tried and true than good old liquid gold, it is certainly easier (except where trial and error comes into play--food sensitivities, protein allergies, lactose intolerance) a mom who has never been exposed to nursing would likely not think to try it. Nurses in 2006 were not keen to press the matter. Some nurses now, eleven years later, don't press the matter!

A lack of knowledge, plus a lack of encouragement, often leads to us either not making our goals (whether it's 6 weeks or 6 months!) and defaulting to the bottle and can routine.

There's nothing wrong with that if it's truly your choice.

But is it really your choice if you aren't informed of other, better options? Can you really make a legit choice if you don't know all the options available? Can you be truly sure if you never explore the other avenues?

No.

You can tell yourself you are content, and that you made the best decision--most of us do! But fast forward to baby number two, when you have more info and opt to breastfeed. Nearly every mom I have talked to who has gone both routes, has revealed that she wished she had breastfed the first time(s) too.

Note: I'm no statistician--these are just facts I've gathered in the past decade or so of parenting and learning about parenting.

By the time I delivered my second baby, I was a breastfeeding powerhouse. I had read all the good info. I knew what was a scam and what wasn't regarding production. I was even somewhat prepared for failed latches.

I had that info and confidence because the conversations are happening. Women of color are opening up. We are discussing this and we are writing, sharing, and dissecting every bit of it. We are owning it. We are teaching and learning more than ever before. Our babies are better off as a result.

I'm not saying friends of other cultures didn't help too.

What I am saying is, it was an incredible boost to see moms with my skin tone, nursing. To see moms with my husband's skin tone, feeding their babies without shame.

Honestly, I needed that. I needed that more than all the info, all the classes, and all the lactation consultants combined. I needed to see my sisters filling their little ones with liquid gold. I needed to see my sisters meeting and exceeding their goals.

Even more so, I needed to commiserate with them about the inconveniences. I needed to vent about the way I hated having a wet shirt all the time. I needed to chat with women like me, who didn't mind peeling back the glamorous "brelfies" to reveal the cracked nipples, clogged ducts, and oversupply issues.

I needed my tribe, and I needed us to get real about it.

Only in recent years have I begun seeing women of color in breastfeeding ads. Only in recent years have I noticed forums and groups for us. The progression is happening, and we as women are the momentum which is getting this ball moving.

Note: I'm not saying we always have to be separate. I'm simply acknowledging that our experiences as women of color will always be somewhat different than other women, whether it be by socioeconomic status or simply by community support. Breastfeeding is a conversation that must happen at every status, color, and creed in order to remove the shroud of mystery--and that includes us moms of color having the discussion on our own terms sometimes.

Recently, my family and I got the chance to be part of something so incredibly special: The launch of the Mimijumi Dark nipple! Many people complain about the price of those bottles, but I support them for two reasons. One, they're clearly invested in the success of ALL breastfeeding moms, right down to donating their gently used bottles for charity AND creating a dark nipple for moms of color. Two, theirs is the only bottle my son would take with any consistency--he loved his Mimi and so did we!

In 2006 I would only have gotten a dark nipple if I painted it myself. Heck, same for 2016!

What a difference eleven years has made.

We need to have these talks. Our sisters, cousins, friends, neighbors--we have to build that bridge and cross it bearing solid information and pure sisterhood. We don't need to talk about supplementing. We need to talk about surmounting!

Sounds like a feisty black girl battle cry, huh?

I fit the bill.

I doubt we will see a time when every baby is given their ideal perfect food. Simply because the convenience of formula isn't going away. (There even exist machines now to make bottles--I call them baby Keurigs.) That's fine by me.

What isn't fine by me, is when moms of color are shuffled down that formula line without being given any solid info about breastfeeding, by nurses who can't be troubled to take a few minutes to encourage. By families who have sexualized breasts to the point of almost no return. Breastfeeding's natural--but nobody said natural was easy. Furthermore, sometimes natural must be learned!

Example: It's natural for a baby to walk. But it isn't exactly instinctual. The baby must be given time and space to practice the new skill, as well as support. We support them as they learn to stand. We comfort them when they fall on their butts. We get them up again and the process continues. Eventually we have a little toddler, then bona fide walker, then sprinter!

Moms of color, let's get our sprint on.

But first...we crawl.

By crawl, I mean we open the lines of communication. We don't accept the formula. We ask to see the lactation consultant. We don't immediately default to the "easy" path. We seek out other moms who can help us walk this path.

Then we sprint to our goals' finish lines. Maybe 3 months. Maybe 6 months. Maybe 2 years!

The sprint isn't a rush. The sprint is that confident stride we hit because we are armed with solid info, steady camaraderie, and a steeled resolve to stay our course.

Namaste!

-- Taye K. ♡