Credit and Why It Matters, As Explained By Tayè K.

Namastè!

Today I wanna share something that's been a major topic of discussion in Castle Namastè. Hubby Namastè and I are working to build the magical 850 credit score.

That's a lofty goal. We figure, if you're going to work on something, why not work on achieving the highest level!

It isn't because we want to buy all the things, but because we want to be able to show the kids how to build and keep their own scores. We want to model responsible financial habits as easily as we model good manners or good hygiene.

All that got me thinking about my blog. I reach so many families with my posts, people who are legitimately benefitting from the knowledge and experience I've garnered. So I decided to step away from my usual and share what I know about credit, and how it can affect a family.

What is credit?

1 credit
noun  cred·it \ˈkre-dit\

Definition:
1.
a :  the balance in a person's favor in an account
b :  an amount or sum placed at a person's disposal by a bank
c :  the provision of money, goods, or services with the expectation of future payment <long-term credit>; also :  money, goods, or services so provided <They exhausted their credit.>

Who the heck is FICO?

Fair I·saac Cor·po·ra·tion
nounFINANCE
noun: FICO
the largest and best known of several companies that provide software for calculating a person's credit score.

What factors determine my credit score?

There are 5 top factors used by FICO to determine your score.

They are:

Payment history - 35%
Credit utilization - 30%
Length of history - 15%
New credit - 10%
Credit mix - 10%

Those 5 factors show potential creditors how much of a risk extending credit to you would be, or not be.

So, why do you need credit if you have a good-paying job and use cash for purchases? Why does credit matter if you're never planning to use it?

Oh, but you will use it. Or at the very least, yours will be checked.

To buy or lease a car, the dealership will check your credit to ensure you aren't a financial liability to them, meaning they won't want to deal with someone whose credit shows a poor history of payments or has reposessions. When you go to rent or purchase a home (purchases typically involve banks and loans of some amount or other for down payments), the landlord or bank will run your credit looking for, in addition to good payment history and positive account(s) information, evictions or dispossessory marks. (A dispossessory is when a person is evicted using a warrant, a very common process in Georgia in particular.)

While having money in hand says, "I can pay this now," most situations involving a large purchase will involve credit which says, "I have money now, and I will also have and can be trusted to pay money later as well."

Companies will run either a light inquiry (to confirm your information as you've presented it, as well as look to see how many derogatory marks exist or if you have existing debt to their company) or a hard inquiry (where they pull the entire report). Watch the amount of inquiries you allow, as too many hard inquiries can hurt your score.

We can always just buy a car outright or rent from a landlord who doesn't run credit, Tayè!

This is true. But think about this--a person who does not check your credit for something as important as your home, might very well be preying on your limited credit history or bad credit situation to rent a subpar home OR to fleece you of hundreds in the name of good faith deposits. While paying rent on time will not build your score, the eviction that person could legally still file will definitely hurt. If you are never evicted, all is well! I personally don't recommend doing any financial business dealings without full legal procedure, because it protects both buyer/renter and seller. It's a good practice to ask if your payments will be reported to the credit entities (TransUnion, Experian, and EquiFax).

In Georgia, there is such an influx of uninformed renters that there exists, the renters rights handbook, available here.

...but you already secured a home, with no credit?

Now you need utilities. Yes, utility companies run your credit as well. It's generally a light inquiry but possibly a hard inquiry. If that inquiry reveals a lack of creditworthiness, prepare for a large deposit before services can be rendered. Imagine needing electricity but being denied due to credit--house would likely have limited options, and coughing up a large deposit can be next to impossible for the average person.

...so yeah, you do and will continue to, need credit.

To condense the major points into a short list, here we go.

1. Be mindful with your credit.

While credit card offers typically begin pouring in at age 18 and store employees are often required to offer you the store's card, think about the long run. "Buy now, pay later" is incredibly tempting when your funds are low and your wishes are high-- it the instant gratification of today can be the denial of your dream home tomorrow.

2. Avoid unnecessary inquiries.

Each hard inquiry takes your score down. A point or two doesn't hurt much--but if you're being turned down and need to try more than one company, those points can add up quickly. Do your homework first, then apply for your needed credit.

3. You needn't pay anyone to "fix" your credit.

I see people get caught up in this scam all the time. While it does work, think about what's being done! That person or company is not magically giving you a higher score--they are simply disputing the derogatory remarks on your report. The results will be no quicker than if you did this yourself! And you totally can, do it yourself. For free.

4. To build credit, you must have credit.

What, Tayè?

You read me right. The best way to build credit is to use the credit you have. Obtaining a secured card and paying on time will both raise your limit AND your credit score! (A secured card is a credit card to which you have applied a down payment to assure ability to pay--depending on your score, that down payment could be as low as $29 or higher.) Refer back to number 1--use this credit wisely. (Personally I use my card for emergencies OR the very rare small splash--think Bath & Body Works or a fancier Tayè Day in prep for anniversary shenanigans. Certainly not every day.)

5. Watch for scams.

There exist in this world, as many scams as there exist, people needing an immediate fix. No one can legally sell you a new social security number. No one can "wipe" your credit history. No one can "double" your creditworthiness overnight. Please be mindful of any offer that seems too good to be true--because they usually are.

6. CHECK YO'SELF!

And by yo'self, I mean yo'scores. Check your credit report with the big 3 (Equifax, TransUnion, and Experian) at the very least once a year. Checking your own credit does NOT lower our score, and can provide all the information you need to repair, rebuild, or increase your creditworthiness. Two popular sites are this one and this one. Both are free. Creditkarma.com does not require a credit card, and includes the TransUnion Dispute Tool as well as recommendations for your credit range AND an itemized breakdown of your credit report.

It is a fair amount of work to build your credit, and you'll get more NOs that SUREs at first, but it is worth it. Think about it. So much inancial strait and general hassle can be avoided by being responsible and knowledgeable about credit and how it works. I've got a few good sites for you to expand on what I condensed.

Here.

Here.

Here.

Financial stability is possible for everyone, provided they know where to start. Many view credit as a luxury, something not everyone can have. That couldn't be further from the truth.

Why is it so important??? In a financial emergency, credit can be the difference between a problem solved OR selling off necessities or relying on GoFundMe. To be able to look at a financial problem and say, "I can handle this," is more than a relief--it's a necessity in today's world. I'm hard pressed to think of a situation where having good credit won't provide a feasible, or even favorable, outcome.

When you bring children into the equation, establishing credit becomes even more pertinent. Emergencies and surprises are like the drink and fries to the Happy Meal that is, raising a family. On one hand, you could use the credit RESPONSIBLY to treat the kids at holiday time. More realistically, you could lean on your solid credit in the event a kid needs braces or wants to take an extracurricular activity involving expensive instruments and lessons. (Example--Princess Namastè is going to take up clarinet. I have secured her instrument and beginner lessons at a peach of a rate due to my credit! If I had to pay cash outright without a good score to back me up, my dear little darling girl would be folding some cellophane over a combination and playing the homemade kazoo chorus.)

I was taught a great deal about credit before I reached adulthood, but many families don't have the time or knowledge to impart. I firmly believe in each one teaching one, and I sincerely hope this has been a starting point or stepping stone for you as you forge your own journey to financial stability and independence! Do check out the links provided throughout this post, and do share among your circles. We can all do this, we just need a starting point. You needn't necessarily reach for 850, but you can definitely boost your scores and make your life a bit easier.

Happy studying!

Namastè!

-- Tayè K. ♡

Don't Overindulge My Kids, Please.

Namastè!

I hope you're enjoying a smashing good wee-hours-of-the-morning wakefest. I am!

No, not seriously. I'm up with a thought.

My aunt is visiting Castle Namastè. In and of, that's a great thing. We get to see her, eat her delicious cooking, and bask in her colorful "when Tayè was little" stories.

All in all, it's been a great few days. I've had time to draft some awesome copy for the blog, as well as lock in a few sponsors. While the kids have enjoyed being spoiled, I have enjoyed having a smidgen more time to work on some things I don't usually get to do.

But she's spoiling the kids.

I take the kind, gentle approach to parenting but I'm also a staunch disciplinarian. (Balance!) I make my expectations of each child, crystal clear. The few rules we have are non-negotiable, and I follow up each infraction with a fitting consequence.

This week has been a bit of a trial. My aunt adores the kids, so she's been doling out presents and treats, left and right. Cookies before bed. Relenting to the gimmes in stores. Not enforcing bedtime. Giving three, four warnings instead of the prescribed consequence.

I know a kid cannot be ruined in a week. I'm not dense. I know they won't become morbidly obese from an extra cookie, nor will extra TV time rot their brains to ruins. I know my kids are generally good kids, almost intrinsically so. They are mild, sweet little beings. I am a favored mama in that regard.

However, I already noticed a few changes prior to putting my good foot down.

Note: Putting the good foot down involves a calm, tactful, kind discussion about the business at hand. Putting the bad foot down? Not so much.

See, she may be here for an extended visit. And that means the kids will come to expect this new normal, this wave of indulgence. They will defer to auntie for things they know Mom and Dad won't appease. We would become a house divided.

Perfect example--bedtime is between 7 (Baby Namastè) and 9 (Kids Namastè). This has never been negotiable, as these are the times we calculated to give each kid some them-time to unwind after homework, dinner, and playtime. We also factored in the optimal amount of sleep. These bedtimes are our golden plus, and we like it that way.

Auntie Namastè thinks it's a blast to let the kids stay up late, fueled by the wildness of a sugar rush and the reckless abandon of an overtired, slightly hyper mind. If we don't step in, the kids will decimate entire bags of cookies (homemade not withstanding--that's still sugar!) and pitchers of juice, then work out all their newfound energy by running through all 2800 square feet of Castle Namastè.

If it's not sugar, it's other treats. The kids aren't materialistic, but that doesn't mean they're exempt from the gimmes. When they see a new prize or trinket in the stores, those big pretty eyes glaze over in hopes of getting it. That's how kids work. However Auntie Namastè's made it clear that she will buy those trinkets and prizes, and the kids love it.

They. Love. Presents.

However, we aren't fond of accumulating excess stuff. We like for the to have nice things, don't get me wrong. We work very hard so they can have nice things, and so we can give them things they want.

What we don't do, is indulge them just because. We splash out for holidays, birthdays, and honor rolls. Maybe the random "caught'cha" gift (when a kid is caught doing something really great, without being told or coached, we sometimes reward it) every blue moon.

We certainly don't buy Hatchimals and roller skates because it's Tuesday. *insert customary Tayè smirk*

As I said, I had to put my good foot down. I had to let her know, the rules she was "bending" were set in place for a reason, and that we rely on those rules being respected and followed so our family runs smoothly. The kids have a bedtime because they are growing and need rest. The limited sugar rule exists to protect them from cavities and over consumption of sweets. The limit for toys and such exists to A) keep them from becoming enamored with getting versus having (i.e. becoming materialistic children who are never satisfied) AND to keep the house clear of unused items, a cluttered mess of forgotten gimmes lost in a sea of new acquisitions.

Naturally she was offended at first. How could I deny her the simple pleasure of spoiling the kids, when some kids don't get that luxury?

Easy. One, I'm not denying her anything. I'm just trying to raise little people who don't...

* Love her, or anyone else, simply for what they give to them.
* Expect her (or anyone else) to splash out on gifts and treats every time they see them.
* Associate her (or anyone else) with toys and treats versus good times and fun memories.

Two, I don't want them to think, "Here comes auntie! I wonder what she's going to get for me this visit!" I'm trying to raise them to be excited and heavily engaged with family. I don't dare say I don't want that to include the occasional pressie--I just don't want that to be the reason they are happy to see her.

So far, it's worked. She's been trying to abide by the "no overindulgence" request. She's playing more games instead of buying more. She's reading more stories instead of doling out more sweets. She's having fun with them at the local park instead of jetting to the local shopping mall for trinkets and treasures. She's even cooking with them versus running out to indulge their love of fast food. (I don't buy it often, so the kids go Gaga for it. It isn't forbidden, just a rare treat.)

See, the memories are the thing the kids will hold forever. Not the toys or happy meal indulgences. They went to sleep tonight talking about how Auntie Namastè told them about Montgomery, Alabama. (My half of our family has roots there.) When I bent to kiss them good night I smelled a mix of lavender and mint, because they'd had baths and brushed their teeth.

It's never easy to not spoil a kid. But what we all have to remember is, someone is responsible for that kid and will be knee-deep in the aftermath. It's great to indulge them every once in a while. After all, kids grow up fast!

But it isn't so fun to deal with the entitled, selfish, greedy behavior that can develop as a result of constant, consistent overindulgence.

That's why I nipped it in the bud, and I'd do it again ten times. One thing we've always strived for, for the kids, is stability and decency. Our rules are consistent, which brings stability. Our values impart and cultivate decency.

We want to raise good, solid humans, and we rely on our proverbial village to help us in that regard. We are super thankful to Auntie Namastè, as she is such a valuable ember of our family, so we felt the need to be honest. She took it in stride after the initial displeasure. We are getting on the same page and it's great.

For now I can put that "bad foot" in a sock. No need to tap dance on it.

Namastè!

-- Tayè K. ♡

33 Truths

Namastè!

I've been away celebrating my birthday. The wonderful 33! (YES, I am exactly that old. Good riddance to 32, as it is time to conquer a new number.) Happy new year to me!

Many women cringe at getting older. I don't. I feel privileged to see and experience another year! I tend to observe my birthdays quietly--not too much pomp and pageantry. I received some amazing gifts and a ginormous cake, none of which was expected yet all, appreciated immensely. I haven't had a day that perfect in a long time, if ever.

I have forgotten many things as I've grown and evolved but these 33 facts, I hold near and dear.

33 Truths

1. It is ok to move on.
2. Use good soap and shampooo.
3. Gray hair is beautiful.
4. It is fine, encouraged even, to take time for what YOU want.
5. No one feels your hunger pangs but you, so eat what you want and take your fill. Life is a buffet.
6. Life is a buffet. Try something different!
7. When YOU treat yourself well, others can't help but fall in line.
8. Being in love is good for you.
9. Having love reciprocated might help you live to be 100!
10. Take that trip!
11. Children and puppies grow up entirely too fast--whichever you're blessed with, cherish those moments. Yes, even the messy ones.
12. TAKE. PICTURES!
13. Laughter is the best cure for frustration. Trust me. I drive in Atlanta.
14. Laugh at something every day, even if it's corny.
15. BE YOU. An original.
16. It's fine to hit your peak later in life--who wants to be burnt out at 30?!
17. Never underestimate a good long bath. MAGIC.
18. Get a hug or a kiss, preferably both, every day, even if it's just from your kids. It heals you.
19. You don't wanna be that person with no edges--be kind to your hair.
20. Make someone's day. Anonymously.
21. Compliment a person just because.
22. Eat your vegetables. ALL of them.
23. Don't be afraid to try the masala! (Literally OR metaphorically, just please have a bite. It might change your life!)
24. Get to know a person whose life is totally different from yours. Broader horizons mean more opportunities, especially chances to grow and mature.
25. Don't skip your water bottles. Your skin will thank you.
26. Take that leap!
27. Comb your hair, brush your teeth, and wash your skin. Never know who or what might be waiting for you when you leave your home!
28. Don't ignore the elderly. They are goldmines.
29. Pick ONE healthy habit. It can be as simple as more handwashing or drinking more water. Trust me on the water thing--you'll look 25 when you're damn near 35! *wink*
30. Appreciate the small things, because if you break all the big things down, that's EXACTLY what they are: a bunch of small things.
31. Take up a cause, actively participate in that cause...and tell NO ONE.
32. Go ahead. Have dessert. 😉
33. Sometimes the trash takes out itself. 😉 Don't chase it--the stuff worth having is worth having even when it's a pain to clean or maintain. Hold value, not weight.

- Tayè K. 💋

Hey. STOP. You're Being Rude.

Namastè!

The more I get into this blog, the more of myself I share. I get lots of questions by email and messenger, and I am always chuffed when people take the time to ask me anything.

...but I'm not too happy when they ask rude things.

Before I dive in, let me be clear. A few definitions, just to clarify why certain things rub me wrong.

Rude
ro͞od/
adjective
1.
offensively impolite or ill-mannered.
"She had been rude to her boss."
synonyms:ill-mannered, bad-mannered, impolite, discourteous, uncivil, ill-behaved, unmannerly, mannerless;

Prejudice
ˈprejədəs/Submit
noun
1.
preconceived opinion that is not based on reason or actual experience.
"English prejudice against foreigners."
synonyms:preconceived idea, preconception, prejudgment

Now that those are spelled out and defined, let's jump into today's thought.

As you know, Hubby Namastè and I hail from two different parts of the world. Not just two neighborhoods, or two states, but two countries.

I am a Jamaica-spiced southern belle. My darling is from India by way of a beautiful but tiny village in Sri Lanka.

When most people think of India, I imagine they think of spicy food, the Taj Mahal, and arranged marriage.

Ah, arranged marriage.

That's really a thing, a deep-rooted cultural thing I'm not entirely qualified to explain in depth.

However, that deep-rooted cultural thing has nothing to do with Hubby Namastè or me. We are a typical couple. We met, he liked me enough to pursue and propose, and I liked him enough to say YES. We love each other enough to navigate life's terrain together, both the treacherous and the tame.

I am very aggravated when people are rude and prejudiced. I can think of a million other things to ask a couple when I meet them, but insinuating they are somehow not legit is something I would never do.

To clear up any confusion, and satiate any appetites for the none-of-your-business tidbits some thrive on, here's a short list of FAQs. (I'm quite dismayed that they are frequent, considering every town we haunt is small at best!) I'm a good sport so here, for your enjoyment and information. In no particular order, here are the questions humans need not ask me again.

1. I am not a mail order bride.

2. Yes, my in-laws are kind to me. (I actually call them "in-LOVES" because while we are related by law, we associate by LOVE.)

3. NO, I'm not forced to be a housewife. I'm not forced to do anything.

4. While my husband generally appears fairly serious, he is the kindest soul in the world. He is not domineering, abusive, trunculent, any of that.

5. NO. It isn't a paper marriage.

6. No, it is not an arranged marriage. We arranged our day  arranged our vows, and arranged a trip afterward (10 days in NYC, slight brag moment because he spoils me and deserves the shout out!)--but our relationship is as genuine as morning breath and Sunday newspapers.

7. I dress in salwar kameez and sarees for the same reason other women dress in lingerie--to be visually appealing to my love! He likes it, so I wear it. Plus I look smoking while wearing it, and I cannot argue with anything I look smoking hot while wearing.

8. Yes, I understand his languages. All 5.

9. Also yes--we speak those languages because we know others don't understand them. We typically say silly things or completely generic phrases just to stir the ire of those who look down their noses.

10. We are every bit as normal...as we choose to be. *wink*

I manage to find a bit of humor in every situation, but this one has kind of aggravated me. I'm handling it. Fairly well, actually. I'm just ever hopeful these kinds of interactions will diminish exponentially, expeditiously.

Namastè!

-- Tayè K. ♡

Separation Anxiety

Namastè!

Hey y'all heyyyyy!

Let's see. Baby Namastè is hitting his milestones at breakneck  pace. I feel like he never slows down.

Crawling? Check.

Cruising along furniture? Check.

Separation anxiety? Check--WHOA, we didn't order that one.

Yes, separation anxiety has reared it's head in Castle Namastè. The baby now realizes mom and dad can go, but he cannot always go with them, and he makes his displeasure known quite plaintively.

And by plaintively, I mean LOUD. Big tears, loud cries, epic pouty lip, all completed by the classic reach-for-mom-or-dad-while-shaking-his-head-no move.

Baby Namastè's been a very mild kid. He didn't make a fuss as a newborn, he didn't make a fuss as a smiley infant, and we assumed he'd be just as calm as a pre-toddler.

Nope.

Separation anxiety leaves my son calling "MAAAAAMA!" and doing his best to crawl as fast as he can as he tries to keep up with me.

It's even more pronounced when Hubby Namastè is gone longer hours during the day. When he actually sits down to get in some time with our littlest cub, the baby loses his grits if he so much as leaves the room to go relieve himself. (Sorry, son, but daddy cannot piddle on the couch. Highly frowned upon!)

...it's just another stage, and it will pass. In the meantime I'm not going to pull my hair out. In just a little while, I'll be clinging to him  (even if only in my mind) as he goes out and forges his own path in the world. I'll be the one tearing up as I watch him leave, and I'll probably be screaming inwardly for my "baby" to turn around.

I'm not looking to "cure" it because it's a normal part of development. He is on track, on par, and on course.

But now--BATH! That jetted tub is calling my name. Earlier today was brutal, because Hubby Namastè's out of town and Baby Namastè didn't take the video call as well as we expected. He was happy until he had to get off the call--then came the waterworks.

All is well now. A little time with his busy cube plus a nursing sesh and an animal cracker makes for a happy boy. Even though separation anxiety has peaked,  he is still our well-adjusted little dude.

Namastè!

-- Tayè K. ♡

More Truth...

Namastè!

Good afternoon lovelies! I hope you're experiencing copious amounts thereof this bright but cold Tuesday.

Today I have something I wanna share, that I hope will help you stay lifted OR lift you if you're feeling low.

It's for my Boobie Rangers, the breastfeeding and pumping moms. (No shade to anyone else, but this is something we grapple with daily. No exclusion, just a little spotlight.)

Picture it. You've made the decision to nurse, and you're reading up on all the things you need to do to keep that milk flowing. You've envisioned bags and bags of expressed milk in the freezer, all awaiting your chunky baby who sports rolls and rolls of sweet baby fatness.

OR...you've determined you can't/won't nurse directly at the breast (personal choice, work conflicts  whatever led to the choice) and you've set up your pump station. You've got the pump. You've got the fancy yet functional bag. You've got everything--bottles, bags, adapters, flanges, nipple cream, JUST EVERYTHING so you can express all kinds of gallons of liquid gold.

...except, it doesn't happen. You don't have a giant stash, or even a big one. Baby is growing and seemingly happy--making enough wet and dirty diapers, gaining and/or holding steady with weight, and generally an ok kid.

So you self-diagnose yourself with low supply. You can't be making enough if you don't have a stash, right? Shouldn't you be pumping at least 5 or 6 ounces at a clip? Is it possible your baby isn't getting enough to eat?!

Slow down, mama.

Breathe.

Here are some facts I have learned, things I know to be 100 percent true, and I want to give them to you before you take a second mortgage for galactagogues, cookies, teas, and witch doctors with large nose rings.

1. Galactagogues are primarily placebo.

While I have tried--and liked!--and few galactagogues during my nursing journey, my lactation consultant gave me the real skinny before I ever drank a drop. The mind is a powerful thing, first off. We can convince ourselves of anything  and begin to feel the effects thereof, if we but believe hard enough.

My adventures in galactagogue started well before I even knew it. How, Tayè? What are you babbling about?!

Well...they are in the foods I eat. Foods I ate before nursing. Before pregnancy. Heck, before conception! Almonds and almond milk--I adore almond ANYTHING, and I drink a lot of almond milk because I don't drink cow's milk. (I'm not a baby cow, so I don't need baby cow food.) Fennel and fenugreek--pasta sauce and curry. Other herbs appear in my tea. No special science there, just me eating.

However, if I believed those drinks would work, they would. There's little science to suggest they do OR don't,  just strong anecdotal evidence pointing in that direction. Most won't hurt you, but they aren't guaranteed to help either. They just taste good, or don't taste good, and if they're in drink form you're likely feeling a bit better because you're hydrated. Speaking of...

2. Nursing moms needn't down excessive amounts of fluids in the name of milk.

Drink a little more than to thirst, and you'll be fine.

Many adults are dehydrated almost constantly--we don't necessarily feel bad, so we assume all is well. Thirst is a late indicator. If you're chugging water and teas, you're likely not thirsty, and you naturally need to be hydrated to produce milk. I mean, it's liquid. Can't squeeze water from a rock, know what I mean?

3. Breastmilk is actually blood.

It is derived from it, anyway. You need to be in stable health, period. However...if you are alive and can latch a baby or attach a pump, you can produce milk. Your body will produce UNLESS you have some physiological bar.

4. The low supply paranoia seems to be a Western thing.

As you know, Hubby Namastè hails from India by way of a tiny village in Sri Lanka.

Formula is a myth there. The women breastfeed the babies because it's simply how it's done. They don't have a Target or Publix to run to and grab formula, and if they did it'd be so astronomically expensive that they wouldn't buy it anyway. There are no campaigns, no propaganda, no pressure--they just feed the babies and go about life. If there were no other option available, what would any sane mom do? She'd nurse, and she'd nurse enough to keep her production up and meet baby's needs.

Note: NO SHADE TO FORMULA MOMMIES. I say all the time that FED IS BEST, and I mean that. However in giving my breastfeeding moms the real skinny, I must illustrate how the availability and promotion of formula can and does sway moms who aren't firm in their resolve to breastfeed. This is fact, and being offended or arguing with it doesn't change it.

The unavailability of formula means, those women will breastfeed or even use a community wet nurse to ensure the babies are fed. (Wet nurses are generally expensive as well--they would be given room and board.) There does not exist, nearly as much panic over low milk supply, because there does not exist, nearly as expansive a set of options.

If I want pizza, and love Pizza Hut,  yet don't live near one for delivery or pickup, I will either eat what's available or go hungry. Same with breastfeeding.

4. If it is not removed, it will not regenerate. Period.

When my supply dipped after a bout with pneumonia, I was not nursing and pumping as normal. I was under heavy medication, so I was essentially letting baby live off his stash as I healed. I began resuming my normal schedule (and when I say schedule, I mean I started back on-demand feeding and pumping afterward, not an actual time schedule) I was devastated to see less in those bottles than before and I panicked. (I do not like to pump, so building his stash is of high importance to me as we approach the one-year mark. I want to hang up my flanges around that time, and I cannot if I don't have enough milk already pumped to carry him to and beyond the 18 month mark with getting breastmilk!) I KID YOU NOT...I legit gave in to my doubts and purchased a $40 can of formula. It was available, I was still feeling bad from the illness, and I just wanted my baby fed. Period. But then it dawned on me--I was unwell for weeks after his birth  due to my fractured pelvis and slow recovery. I was sick from meds (pain killers do a number on me, and I very rarely take medicine at all so the effects were stronger) and in pain, pain, pain. But I managed to nurse my newborn and pump for our other princess.

...so the formula went unused. I just started nursing or pumping around the clock again instead of my 6 scheduled pumps. I told myself I didn't have any other option and conducted myself accordingly.

I am back to regular production now, and it was without magic or mystical potion. I just increased the demand, which led to an increase in supply.

5. The stash is only as important as you make it.

For me, it's a big deal. I want Baby Namastè to have the benefits of liquid gold for as long as possible. He is already beginning to wean himself off actually feeding at the breast, so I took the steps to find a bottle he likes (our Mimijumi, reviewed here) and revamped my pump mojo to ensure we can nurse as long as possible, even if solely by pump and bottle.

However, the stash isn't the hallmark of a successful breastfeeding journey. It's the bond, the benefits baby and mother reap, that make this difficult dance so worthy of effort.

6. CHECK YO'SELF!

By self, I mean pump.

During the haze of pumping while nursing a newborn, I came across many tips to save time. One of which involved refrigerating the pump kit (flanges, connectors, and valves, I think it was--may have included tubes but I can't recall 100%) to save time. In theory it was cool. Since the milk in those parts wasn't hitting room temp, it wouldn't go bad. No need to wash, just chill and reuse.

Ew. Ew. Ew.

Personally, I didn't cotton to it. (No judgment if you do.) I wouldn't give him a bottle, then refrigerate the empty bottle and reuse it later, so I wouldn't do the same for the pump kit that touches his milk! I just use my dishwasher and my portable sterilizer (I have the Avent 4-in-1) and the cleaning time hasn't deprived me of any more sleep than I'd be missing anyway.

Most important maintenance of all--serviceable parts. I am very diligent about inspecting and replacing my pump parts. My pumps are Medela, and the replacement valves, connectors, and tubing are all available online and in most stores as well. I replace the tubing monthly, and valves every two weeks. (That seems a lot but my pump gets a LOT of use.) The flanges don't require replacing, but I do have two sizes in case I need bigger or smaller. (I do 27 mm generally but I also have 24 mm.)

...all that to say this: The most important gauge in the success of your breastfeeding journey is YOUR BABY. If they are making the right amount of wet diapers, gaining and keeping weight, and meeting milestones,  you are producing enough and baby is fine! Babies are natural calibrator. When they need more  they cluster feed. When they are getting enough, they remain steady with number of feeds.

Also, not a pump exists nor likely will ever exist, that can remove milk as effectively and efficiently as a baby. I have legitimately pumped two ounces in fifteen minutes using my Medela (which are touted to be the best) only to weigh my son later, after his nursing sesh, and see HE had gotten a total of ten ounces in that same time frame of ten minutes.

Take heart, mamas. Don't quit.

No honest mom will tell you breastfeeding is easy. It is not. Natural and easy do not coincide, almost ever!

As always, I have to encourage you to seek out an IBCLC if you have questions that require more than anecdotal information. I'm NOT an IBCLC,  nor am I an MD. I myself consult with IBCLCs when I need hard cut facts. Google isn't always the best bet in regards to breastfeeding, much like most major subjects. Read and research, but do your due diligence in deciphering what's fact, what's anecdotal, and what's just plain horse pucky.

Namastè!

-- Tayè K. ♡

Baby Registry... Manners?!

Namastè!!

Aloha.

No, I am not in warm Hawaii. I'm watching Hawaii 5-0. Georgia is frigid (my house is still covered in ice) so I'm deliberately watching shows and daydreaming about warm, beautiful places. I know the cold never bothered Elsa...but it sure doesn't suit me.

Alas, no complaints. It is toasty here in Castle Namastè so I feel like a petulant child for even thinking of moaning about the weather.

I was invited to a baby shower recently, an online affair! It was the neatest thing, and the honorees (is that what the parents are?) were so sweet. They were legit thankful for every washcloth, bib, and baby bauble they received.

Made me so happy to see that.

Baby registries are such fun. I remember going through the stores I registered at with that scanner, feeling like the Gift-anator. I really had fun scanning all the adorable gizmos and gadgets I was sure to need for my littlest Namastè.

...and then I made my actual gift registry, where I exercised much more...consideration...for the budgets of those who would be possibly purchasing from it.

I know most treat the registry as a gift suggestion, hence me making two--one to use as my own personal shopping list, that I would be buying for myself, and one to show to others who wanted to fete our baby's arrival.

I also know, "If you don't ask, you don't get."

Alas, I still felt like it was important to be considerate. I didn't put anything over $20 on the baby gift registry. It was legit designed to be out stock-up list. We included diapers, wipes, toiletries, and very basic items like onesie packs and socks.

Note: I totally understand that not every baby is a planned baby, but I also know every parent's obligation begins at conception. Situations arise and circumstances change, but I forever stand by the belief that a registry is for GIFTS, not NECESSITIES. Perhaps I'm boring but I would never put on a WITH list, things that are a REALITY. Oftentimes people WISH for the fancy crib or the too-cute-for-legit-words boutique outfits, only to turn around and not be able to get formula or other NEEDS--so that crib they never used anyway, ends up resold. If the registry is for HELP...request what's NEEDED and save those wish items for better days.

I kept 5 things in mind for that registry, the ones others would be shopping from, and I'd like to leave those 5 things with you. Tuck them in your pocket. Free grace, easy-peasy.

When creating a registry for others to shop from, here are my big 5 to keep in mind. No particular order...

1. LOCATION.

Not every store is available in every area, and not every person is comfortable shopping online. It's a little selfish to expect people to bend all the way, so give some thought to who will be browsing the registry as you plan your stores. Someone who cannot drive two hours to purchase one item might happily click online to purchase 3 or 4 and ship; meanwhile someone else might be willing to stop in store for an item because they cannot or do not shop online.

2. PRICE!

Perhaps I am very old school, but I cringe at the thought of requesting an expensive gift. (Except maybe from my husband--but that's different.) I occasionally splash out on my own splurges, but when I made my baby gift registry I deliberately kept every item under $20. While I was okay with the idea of having a wish list, I wasn't okay with people feeling like they "had" to buy pricy items for my kid to puke and pee on. I know  $20 was a good price point for our "village" so I was comfortable adding gifts in that range.

This isn't to say, only add cheap items. This is just saying, be mindful of who the registry is for--if you're from a family or circle of higher means, perhaps your gifters can and will splash out! If you're from more humble means and meanderings, your gifters may be more able to pitch in together or buy a couple smaller things.

It's ALL helpful in the end. Just try not to alienate your shower guests/gifters with items neither they nor (sometimes even you) can actually afford to give.

3. GRACE.

I was taught to greet a janitor and a CEO with the same respect. When I am opening or allowing my children to open gifts from others, I am as happy about a dollar store treasure as I am about a Tiffany's trinkets.

This grace thing includes NOT fishing and moaning about the gifts on social media. Even in the more private forums, I still try to exercise good manners.

I'm not saying I like every gift I've ever received. Far from it.

I'm just saying, no one knows if I like every gift I've ever received.

I never show anything but joy at being thought about--which is how it should be. It is hard to be disappointed when you understand that one, you aren't entitled to a thing just because you want it AND two, even for a person  buys a poopy gift on purpose, they still took time to buy one! (Also, I'm not sure what constitutes a poopy gift...except actual poop, and I'm not sure who or why would give someone actual poop. Perhaps I'm sheltered.)

Bottom line--don't be a giftzilla.

4. AVAILABILITY.

I'm in Georgia, near-ish Atlanta. As such, I can find almost any item, from high-end splash buys to Dollar Tree treats. As this hub is so popular, and populous, restocking is almost instant. If an item is sold out, it will likely be back on shelves in a few days unless it's been discontinued entirely.

Keep in mind, not everyone lives in areas where they can readily accessible all the cute stuff you're wishing for, and retailers select inventory based on what the area as a whole buys versus just what one mom wants. That Hawaiian lace layette may not be available, but refer to number 3 if your horns start showing.

5. NO PRESSURE!

I legit enjoyed browsing the registry my friends made. I felt like they were A) kind to give me some kind of clue as to what I should buy and B) incredibly reasonable with their selections, which made me wanna buy them more.

BUT what I don't enjoy is seeing moms--in person, in forums, and in groups online--act like total witches. At the very least, it is simply not nice to browbeat and bully your shower guests and/or gifters into buying things.

"GET WHAT'S IN THE REGISTRY OR DON'T BOTHER GETTING ANYTHING!"
"I'm not accepting cheap gifts." (Usually spoken by someone who lives as a boarder in someone else's home, does not work, and has bottled water budget but champagne tastes.)
"I need only name brand."

I itch at the idea of those entitled types bringing children into the world, to impart their materialism and bad attitude as casually as others impart the ABCs and Itsy Bitsy Spider.

(No, a baby does not need a $3000 crib and layette, nor do they need all those excessively intricate outfits and baubles. They specifically don't need them if mom and dad can't afford them without pressuring shower guests and registry gifters into buying them with the threat of never being allowed to see the child.)

Yes, that's been a thing--bratty, selfish types will swear you can't see the kid if you don't purchase what they feel you should.

...and to those types I say, "GET OFF your butt and buy your OWN presents, because you are ungrateful and childish."

ALL that to say this:

Registries should be fun to create, and fun for your guests to shop from. For me personally, the rule was to not add anything I wouldn't use, and I didn't want to put anyone out financially so I kept everything reasonable. ($20 max.) My husband and I got the major stuff ourselves, because--gasp!--we wanted exactly what we wanted, and we didn't feel it was fair to have our family or friends feel pressured into buying big ticket items. Those who did, did so of their own volition.

I guess the registry/baby shower etiquette thing is a big stick in my craw because I was raised by am etiquette queen. My grandma taught classes and even hosted an annual debutante ball, so I have always had social graces drilled into me. The most frequent lesson was always, be gracious and kind. (Most of the time I master it.)

Anyway...I won't apologize for feathers ruffled. It wasn't my intention to make anyone angry, but it was (as always) my intention to open those eyes to another perspective. In this case, the perspective of people who don't treat baby showers and new arrivals like a contest to see who can grub the most stuff from their families and friends.

Note: Receiving a lot of gifts is NOTHING like DEMANDING a lot of gifts. If you understand the difference, you can't possibly be offended...unless you choose to.

I hope my 5 points help you reign in that excitement to a manageable level, and I hope you get whatever it is you're wishing for, for baby, without having to be a giftzilla.

Namastè!

-- Tayè K. ♡