Namastè!
I'm all over this blog today, eh? Bursting with ideas.
Mom'splaining.
Moms are always either in the hot seat or thinking we are. It's how we are wired now, because society judges so harshly every move we make. Or every move we don't make.
As a defense mechanism, we MOM'SPLAIN.
I.E., moms explain why we do (or don't do) as we do.
Constantly.
On social media. In the grocery store. At church. On the park. To our therapists. To whomever dares even look at us on a day when mommy'ing is getting the better of us.
Personally I could give a rats bum about how people feel regarding my choices, as I only make them with my children's best interests in mind. I'm always open to sharing those choices, but I don't justify them. They are no one's business, and no one's place to judge.
I learned this with my second child.
In 2006 I was a brand new mom, a single mom. I was forever mom'splaining back then, and it had me so anxious and exhausted that I didn't even want to talk to or be around people. My little princess was a medically fragile baby, and people always seemed ready to judge or offer some remedy for her, or some sage (yet unsolicited) advice about her care.
I always felt like I needed to explain what was going on, what I was doing, so people wouldn't judge or think I was a bad mom.
Guess what?
They did anyway.
Spoiler alert: I felt lower than a pregnant ant's belly.
Fast forward, 2016.
When Baby Namastè was born, I had some solid mommy'ing under my belt. I was still nervous--after all, every baby is a different human, and every different human has a different set of needs and specifications.
I made my own decisions right from the start with him. (With Hubby Namastè of course.) I had a vaginal delivery despite him being frank breech. (If your doctor is experienced and not too lazy to do what's needed, this is possible.) I delayed his cord clamping. I breastfed. I coslept. I babywear. (He's so petite, we still can, with ease, and I love it!)
...and I never mom'splained or justified any of those choices, to anyone.
It made me feel weak and powerless when people questioned me before, and instead of owning my choices I simply explained them so they'd be acceptable. Or at least, understood.
Rarely was I given that.
Mom'splaining isn't harmful, nor is it some deadly sin. It's just unfair to us as moms to allow others so much control. The people we mom'splain to generally don't care. They won't live with the consequences and outcomes of our choices. They won't be there to help us implement the "should dos" they freely toss at us.
They just judge, nod, and move on.
This is why I say the mom'splaining needs to stop. We should NOT be giving people dominion over our feelings or decisions. The only people who need to know the ins and outs, where's and whys, and ups and downs of our child rearing philosophies are the people who will help us implement them. Not the ones watching--the ones in the trenches.
Smile and nod. Or flip them and feed them fish. But don't mom'splain, because your decisions are YOURS, just as the consequences and/or benefits of those decisions are yours.
Own your power.
Namastè!
-- Tayè K. ♡
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