Why We May Not be Friends

Namastè!

"Friends" is a major topic for moms. We want that tribe, that compadrè cadrè. The MOMpadrè Cadrè! (Yes I know it's not a word. I also know you'll probably be using it soon. *wink*)

But sometimes it just doesn't happen.

Rather than beat ourselves up, it's more pertinent to examine why. Not obsess over--examine.

As socially reserved as I am (I am a but shy by nature, and slow to warm up), I somehow maintain lots of relationships. I'm never too busy to return consideration. If you think enough of me to check on me or say hello, I certainly think enough of you to fire some warm thoughts right back. It is just my nature. You don't even have to be my favorite person to get that consideration. I do it because it is decent, and because the world needs more kindness, ASAP or even sooner.

Alas, not all my associations evolve into friendship. Not everyone is meant to be my MOMpadrè.

The reasons some friendships fizzle are varied, but among the mom sect it's usually boiled down to the following. Spoiler alert: It's not always a fight!

Lifestyle differences.

While you don't judge your friends (at least I hope you don't), you do acknowledge the differences that exist between your life and theirs. These differences can bring you closer--or they can push you apart. Example: A married mom may not have the free time that an unmarried mom does, or even vice versa. The demands on each mom's time are different, leaving each with a varying amount of expendable energy for relationships and activities outside her household. Some moms take offense, and when offense walks in sometimes friendship walks right out.

Differences of Opinion

Again, variety is the spice of life! The pepper of people. Alas, some people prefer theirs bland, and not everyone can handle pepper. Moms who prefer hanging with like-minded mates are not likely to mesh for long with anyone who doesn't share their views. This isn't wrong or bad, just life.

GROWTH

Sometimes we grow apart from our friends. Some people grow up, some people grow out, and unfortunately some people don't grow at all. No two people have identical goals and aspirations, and that means we also have different trajectories. It's fine.

...

For me, these are the only reasons a friendship will ever be lost. Anything else and I'm quite comfortable saying, it was never a true friendship to begin with and I'm better off without it.

I don't waste a lot of time categorizing and analyzing aamy associations. That's why they feel so organic, so genuine.

If I like you, I like you. If I can sit and vibe with you, that's that. How I deal with you reflects and is determined by only you and how you present yourself to me. What I may heat about you has no bearing. I discern you only by what I see in you. Period.

Now...I don't call everyone friend. I understand that everyone is not. You see, a friend is more than just someone who knows my name or even my number.

My friends are the ones who check on me. The ones who laugh with me. The ones who share their lives, their ups and downs, with me. The ones who show me their true selves. The ones I can reciprocate the aforementioned.

Why wouldn't we be friends?

Well, simple.

We may not be friends simply because we aren't. Chances are there isn't any real bad blood. Maybe we haven't met on that level yet. Maybe our season is up and we're on to other ventures.

Maybe...we just don't mesh.

As positive a person as I try to be, I can admit that I simply don't like some people. Period. It's just the way it goes sometimes, and I'm not ashamed of it nor do I lose sleep if it's mutual.

That's fine. You don't need my validation. I don't need yours.

Let's keep it cool and cute, and be kind anyway.

Namastè!

-- Tayè K. ♡