How to Visit A New Mom

Namastè!

We've all been there. Just brought that new bundle of sweetness home and the admiration society cannot wait to come see!

Personally, I love visits. Between my in-laws and my tribe, it's guaranteed to have a nice time. Food, fun, and fellowship can be as rejuvenating as uninterrupted sleep--and are a lot easier to come by.

Unfortunately not everyone has my tribe or my in-laws, so I came up with another list! This time, it's of the best things to do when you visit a new mom.

1. Bring food.

Bring food. Regardless of how cute the baby is or what an easy delivery she had, she's probably not feeling up to cooking. Walking in with food puts you high in the rankings. I had time for laundry and pretty much any chore I could do in increments, but cooking required a level of attention I couldn't give when I had a clingy velcro baby.

No need for 5-star eats...Taco Bell was as good to me as Fogo de Chao when someone thought enough of me to bring it!

2. Don't stay too long...

Two hours is probably plenty. (Personally I wanted a sleepover, but people have jobs and lives. *sighs*)

3. ...but please don't rush off!

Newborns take up a lot of time...but they also don't allow much room for mom and dad to interact much outside themselves. Having a tiny baby can be lonely, and while sleep is at a premium, having a good friend drop by and sit a spell can be just as rejuvenating.

4. "Helping out" might not involve holding the baby.

Everyone clamors to hold a newborn. Isn't that the point of the visit?

Maybe not. If your visit also includes an offer to help out, understand that the help needed may be more along the lines of helping organize the living room or maybe playing with the older kids (if there are any). You aren't there to be a servant of course, and your assistance is greatly valued, but most times new parents are very tied up with the baby's care and need a little help getting other things in order. So when a friend offers to help out, they usually need them on the regular front. Don't be offended if you show up to donate an afternoon and it's more sorting baby laundry than getting baby snuggles.

My personal request was always simple--please come hold the little baby or entertain my bigger babies while I "uninterrupted-ly" shower and have a sandwich.

5. Bring humor, grown-up chatter, practically any news from the outside! We are knee-deep in baby talk as is.

My favorite visits were when my friends talked about their daily exploits--interesting (or mundane) things they saw, places they went, or even things they had eaten. Having a new baby can be somewhat isolating, especially in those first few weeks when Mom is healing and she and baby are getting acclimated to each other. While we don't scoff at sharing baby stats, we all have a moment or two where we practically daydream about the "adventures" our friends and family are having out there in the regular world.

Being cocooned in the house with a baby is hardly the worst place to be...but don't forget that moms still want to have a bit of social time not centered around those little snuggle bugs. It keeps her sane and helps her connect to the world outside her house.

6. Don't mention our weight, hair, skin...

We know we may look rough. Personally I was moved to tears when my guests showed up in pajamas and messy buns. I'm not the self-conscious type, but it felt nice to look at them and not feel like the haggard one. Sure, I was exhausted beyond reason and most definitely wouldn't place in any pageant...but how sweet was it of them to show up all cozy!

7. Ditto if the living room looks like Babies R'Us puked its inventory on the couches.

We're probably living in one room. For me, it's always the living room--it's closest to the kitchen so I can grab a snack here and there, wash pump parts, and store extra milk. I doubt my babies ever saw their rooms those first few weeks. As such, that room probably has all or most of our most-needed care and comfort items...and they're probably not in any real order.

Just move the Boppy and have a seat, dude.