Feeding Wars. *sigh*

Namastè!

I hope you're experiencing copious amounts thereof.

I'm up with the moon this morning, basking in a  little sleeping-baby sweetness. Baby Namastè's not fully awake yet. I'm also up pumping.

That's right--he sleeps through the night (which according to our pediatrician, is a 5-hour stretch), yet I am awake pumping.  I keep my scheduled pumps, but he feeds on demand when he is awake. I am not insane. I know that, in order to have that backup supply, I must put in some extra work. A little more demand means a little more supply.

As I listen to the "good girl, good girl" whirring of my pump,  I start to think of how, if he were formula fed, I'd be asleep right now. At the very least I wouldn't be tethered to the milker, as we affectionately call the pump. My son's milkies would come ready to drink, or in a neat little can of powder.

If I were a formula mom, I'd most definitely be asleep. I'd wake with the baby and get his bottle upon his awakening. Then we would snuggle and listen to some music while he finished his bottle. I wonder, how much would he take at a clip? Would he like his paci?

I would almost certainly run into the judgment and vilification formula moms face as well.

See, sometimes breastfeeding moms get overzealous. We want so much to let other moms know about the benefits of breastmilk that we get a little ahead of ourselves. We want to show them what's in formula, and compare it to breastmilk. We have all the studies and stats either memorized or bookmarked. We tell you how expensive formula is, and how breastmilk is just better.

I will venture to say that, save a few sanctimommies, this info comes from a good place, a genuine place.

Formula moms then counter with their own facts. Some of the formulas available today mimic the composition of breastmilk as closely as science can. Babies can and do thrive on this formula! They grow, they learn, they enjoy a close bond with their caregivers. They are happy and healthy.

So goes the feeding wars.

I'm a breastfeeding mom. I'm not ashamed, I'm not timid, and I'm not a sanctimommy. I made the choice that fit my family's dynamic, and I felt supported in that choice. I made it through those first weeks and hit my stride. Baby Namastè's done well. I'm sure it would have gone the same had we gone with formula.

Is my baby smarter, more advanced, more even-tempered? I don't know. I only compare him, to himself. He is healthy, happy, and thriving. He is strong. He is doing what he needs to be doing, as he needs to be doing it. He is Baby Namastè, and according to the stats and patterns of Baby Namastè, he is right on track.

In the midst of the feeding wars, I learned a magic trick. I learned to do no harm. I know formula is not the devil, and I know I am not a saint. I know to be thoughtful and kind when speaking of any other's  parenting choice, especially feeding. I don't bash or thumb my nose at any mom's path. I do no harm.

Do no harm!

The feeding wars could be stopped with just that. Do no harm.  Every mom has a different kid, every kid has different needs, every need presents a different situation, and every situation requires a different solution to meeting those needs.

Kindness and simple compassion must always be at the forefront. It isn't kind or compassionate to lambaste another for their choices. This is particularly true in online forums, because people get verbally reckless behind a screen name and computer screen. I've seen it firsthand on my own posts in an app I used to use.

I would purposely include both formula and breastfeeding moms in my feeding shouts out. Feeding a baby is an act of love no matter how you slice it. In those early days, weeks, even months, mothers live around their babies' feeding schedule. When it is bedtime again and you haven't slept, it's got to be a gut punch to be told you're less of a mom because you aren't breastfeeding--how dare you refuse to give your baby the very best?! However,  even though I am always very careful how I phrase things and despite the fact I would clearly state "FOR FORMULA MOMMIES," I would always garner a snide comment or five from breastfeeding moms who couldn't resist getting their quips in.

Breastfeeding moms get more than their fair share of flack as well. We're told our babes will be overly coddled and won't develop independence because we hold them too much. (Oh I'm sorry, did my inability to remove my breasts so my child can "feed himself" offend you somebow?) We're publicly shamed for not covering up, yet no one bats an eye or expects a bottle-fed baby to eat in the bathroom or out in the car. Formula mommies leap on posts about sore nipples and pump trauma (totally a thing) and all but boast about how much easier their lives are without all that pain and stress.

Ladies, we have a huge thing in common here, that we all seem to overlook. WE ARE FEEDING OUR BABIES! I know, I know--there are undeniable benefits to nursing. Scientific facts. However, I also know there are benefits to formula. (A mother who is on medication, suffering from chronic ailments, or who simply cannot nurse for whatever reason, can attest to these benefits.)

My point is, it is important to support one another. In the grand scheme of things, we are running the same race. Mothering is tough enough without the added judgments, stipulations, and cliques of mommies dying to be sancti.

Namastè!

-- Tayè K ♡