Namastè!
I'll get right into it this evening.
Society has us moms, jacked up.
According to "them," we have a whole oppressing set of rules to adhere to regarding what equated to the martyrdom of mothers everywhere. Frankly, I'm over it. Allow me to bust up a few stereotypes? It's what I love so much!
1. Moms must never take time for themselves.
No turkey, no spam, no ham, NO MA'AM. A mother is a PERSON. A whole HUMAN, separate from all others. Taking time for yourself is, in essence, a small healing of sorts. You cannot care for others if you yourself are broken down.
2. Moms must not be selfish.
Wrong again, Batman. A mother must selfishly guard her health, mental and physical. If you have anxiety or depression, you must "selfishly" seek and receive treatment because being your best self guaranteed you will also be the best mother possible. Go ahead...SELFISHLY take that long bath, that long walk, or that therapy session. You have every right.
3. Moms must do it all.
Is this a time warp to an era that never existed??? A mother's job is never done. This is a known fact. Because that job is never done anyway, there is absolutely ZERO shame in getting some help. Or leaving it for tomorrow! If the kids are clean and fed, and the house is not unsanitary, you've done well, mama. Personally, in my decade of mommy'ing, I've come to the realization that as long as I do my personal enough, I am fine. My personal enough? Clean kids, neat home, dinner served by 6. I don't beat myself up if I deviate from this little ideal, but I maintain it because I feel good when things are in order. Not perfect, but in an orderly enough state that I'd be comfortable welcoming my in-laws or my neighbors without a massive overhaul first.
4. Mom cannot break.
Pfffft. Moms are HUMAN. We feel, we cry, we get angry. We might even cuss. Being a mother does not negate your feelings or emotional needs as a person. We are allowed every blip on the emotional spectrum. We CAN and WILL break down, we just shouldn't unpack and dwell in that breakdown.
5. Mom must be perfect.
Show me. Just show me. I want to meet this unicorn, perfect mother. I'd like to hug her and learn from her. But for now, I've got this, in my own, imperfect way. You do as well, mama.
6. Mom must push through her own discomfort/sickness and provide for the family.
Who comes up with these??? Mom must be in sound physical and mental health, or as close as she gets. I get so aggravated with this assumption because it can go so many ways. Yes, we're mommy. We are the nursers, the soothers of booboos, the makers of the best dino sandwiches. (I'll share that recipe soon, they're delicious and oh-so healthy.) However--we must attend to our physical health. I will never be the mother who insists on coughing and sneezing all over my kids just to say I didn't take a break. Not to mention the potential to get the kids sick, or be so lax in my routine due to not feeling well or medication side effects that I falter and cause a small (or major) setback. Not worth it, one bit.
NOTE: I know some have no option, but those of us who DO have the option just look silly trying to "do it all" when we can barely stand.
I could go on with the list.
I believe it all comes from society, but also social media, namely some women's need to be in the Club. You know, Club Martyr. Because of moms constantly comparing themselves, downing themselves, and reinventing themselves to fit in (which, in and of, is not a bad thing--until it becomes a mechanism for fitting into niches we would not otherwise), our moral compasses and morale in general have taken a serious beating. The Pinterest pro will downplay her talent to fit in with the hipster nonconformist, while the hipster nonconformist desperately wishes she could be the Stepfrod wife. Meanwhile the Stepfrod wife is one missed Xanax from falling apart due to the sheer weight of needing to have, be, and control everything in her perfect illusion.
We have got to stop doing this to ourselves!
I already have. I am good at doing my own thing, but I'm getting better at not letting opinions and expectations other than mine and my family's sway that resolve. When I took a long look in the mirror, I loved what I saw. I saw the things I wanted coming into fruition. I'm a crafty, punctual, upbeat, nonconformist mommy who just happens to be a culinary genius, amazing friend, and all around beautiful soul. That isn't conceit. That is 32 years of living and learning, boiled down into the peaceful, confident mindset I now enjoy.
I'm a mom, not a martyr. I cordially invite you to join me. Why die for validation when you can live for the pure joy of another day?!
Namastè!
-- Tayè K ♡
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