D-MER: My Experience

Namastè!

I hope you're having a great evening.

I'm finishing a pump session and I finally remembered what I wanted to write about earlier!

D-MER. Dysphoric milk ejection reflex.

I am 8, almost 9 months strong in my breastfeeding journey with Baby Namastè. I pump as well as nurse, and while he does enjoy a few solid foods, I don't push him to eat. I'm content with nursing and bottle feeding expressed milkies, and he is happy and healthy. 

* Before age one, solids are for fun.

I digress.

D-MER has made my journey soooo difficult.

What D-MER is, is a set of dysphoric (read: bad, uncomfortable, opposite effect euphoric) feelings and/or anxiety that occur with letdowns. Every time I pump, nurse, or experience a spontaneous letdown, I feel a rush of anxiety and discomfort. Sometimes it's a wave of sadness. And other times I just feel irritable as heck. All of this happens as a result of "inappropriate dopamine activity" at the time of letdown, before milk flow.

D-MER is NOT postpartum depression--it only occurs right before milk flow. While it does carry the potential to disrupt breastfeeding (it is uncomfortable, trust me), and some women will stop entirely, it is not a psychological response to breastfeeding, nor is it a generalized mood disorder. It is a physiological anomaly.

The first time I experienced the Wave as we call it, I thought postpartum depression was setting in, and I was terrified. I field roughly 90% of the household management because Hubby Namastè works 6 days a week, sometimes 18 hours a day. I take care of the bills, I cook, I clean, and I look after Kids Namastè. We don't have a nanny.

Did I mention we don't have a nanny?!

I was terrified of getting postpartum depression because I already have a huge workload. (Healing from any kind of depression is WORK. Period. With everything else I have going on, I was paralyzed in fear of adding postpartum depression to the list.) The fear was gripping, stifling.

I know the score--these things need addressing immediately. There is no shame in getting help. I contacted my OB, who asked me to make a journal of those feelings for an appointment, so I could track when it was happening and what may have led to it.

...but I noticed it went away quickly. Within a few minutes of nursing or pumping, the feeling would vanish. As suddenly as I felt like a horrible cloud was over me, I went back to feeling like my usual self again.

You'd think that would reassure me some, but it made me curious.

Let me confess my sin here--I never ever Google any symptom when I am sick or otherwise out of commission. I make a concerted effort not to drum up more fear and uncertainty by trying to do the work of an MD when my degrees are in English, Business Communications, and Criminal Justice.

Before my doctor told me about D-MER, he had me take a quiz. I scored 35. That score, combined with my description of what was happening to me as well as what he could see when I fed the baby in the office, was enough to confirm.

D-MER is decidedly uncomfortable, but it need not end your breastfeeding journey. There are a variety of treatments available, from behavioral to pharmaceutical. (I chose a non-medical program, as I prefer to not take any more medication than needed. I was able to fight for my happy nursing story, but before I was diagnosed I had never even heard of D-MER.

I want to make sure you guys know about it, hopefully before it affects you.

The quiz is here.

The symptoms:

-Feeling anxiety, sadness, anger, homesickness, or any fleeting mood change at letdown.

-Feeling disappears shortly after milk begins to flow.

-You are unable to talk yourself out of the feelings. [D-MER is reflexive, caused by hormones.]

As I stated, D-MER is a physiological condition. Only the most severe cases require medication. I get a slight tremor with the Wave, but I've accepted it as a temporary malfunction. My body, like many other moms, simply goes haywire before milk ejection. (I can add that to my list of squirmy phrases.)

If you are having these feelings, or any feelings, that disrupt your nursing or bonding with your baby, SPEAK UP. There's nothing wrong with getting some help. Mommy'ing is some hard work, and we need all the fortification we can get go steel ourselves for bearing the glorious load.

I hope this sheds some light or bridges the gap for someone.

Namastè!

-- Tayè K. ♡