How Could I Ever Love TWO Like You?!

Namastè!

I hope you're experiencing copious amounts thereof tonight/this morning.

As always, I am up churning out my blogs for the day. I've been  poring over photos of Princess Namastè when she was tiny.

In 2006, my whole world opened up. I held my firstborn for the first time and it was seriously the most magical, amazing, wonderful thing I had ever felt. I wanted to cry and laugh, sing and shout. This little cute baby was mine.

My heart beat for her. I relished every diaper change, every late night feeding. I didn't care she was up all night. She was my little ladybug, and if she needed snuggles at 2 am after cluster feeding since 10 pm, then I was there and willing. My while existence wrapped around that little girl.

I got my first heartbreak with her. When she had pneumonia as an infant and spent much of her first year in and out of the hospital as a result, I was beside myself. I didn't want those nurses to have her. She was mine. I didn't want her in that crib, I wanted her home with her Winnie the Pooh decor and her bear. When she had surgery at age 2 and we had to rush her back to the hospital two days after discharge, I felt about as broken as a person could and still be alive. At age 4 and 5, pneumonia again threatened her little life. She prevailed as always, my little bumblebee queen.

She is ten now, and as smart and pretty as a girl can get. Her tween moods make it a little interesting around here, but she's still a sweetheart...

...and she is an amazing big sister.

When I saw those lines on that stick I was immediately excited, then immediately terrified. I had only been a mom to ONE. I was used to taking care of ONE kid, and that kid was used to having Dad Namastè and me to herself. Would she like the baby at all? Would she do like those kids on television and try to run away? Would she even acknowledge the baby, this stranger who was stealing her parents away in a puff of baby-scented smoke?!

I worried about me too. I knew I would love this new little bitty one. Not a doubt in my mind about that. I knew beyond a shadow of a doubt I would love, feed, and protect the new tiny one. He would learn to wash his hands and say his prayers, and I would make sure he was comfortable as possible. He'd have toys and blankies and everything he needed to be a happy, comfortable baby.

But would I love him the same? Would I love him enough? What is enough, anyway?!

When Baby Namastè was born, I took one look at his sweet little face and all doubt began to fade. I could do it. I could love him exactly as much as his sister. I would!

...but the moment I knew for sure, the moment I felt my heart pop and stretch to a whole 'nother capacity, was when I saw my two little Kids Namastè together. Princess Namastè was sitting in the rocking chair at Northside holding Baby Namastè, talking to him about how she couldn't wait to take him to New York and ride the ferry.

Yes, I could love two.

But not as much as I loved one.

Nope.

I love them an immeasurable amount more.

Namastè!

-- Tayè K. ♡