Doula Me, Baby!

...mommy'ing is done hard work.

Delivery is the toughest of the preliminaries.

I have yet to experience an "easy" delivery. While my babies have always been healthy, they've never been in any hurry to turn themselves the right way (ahem, dear Brother Bear), slow their progress so my body could adjust (Hi, Tiger Lily), or even be born at all (what's up, Princess?).

What made me crazy enough to go through it three times, besides the face that hubby and I make beautiful little people? Why do I know I'm willing to do it again in a couple years?

Doula me, baby...

A doula is a pregnant mom's best friend.

While the medical team is there for the technical aspects of a delivery, the doula is there specifically to comfort and help advocate for the mother. She does not provide actual medical care, only support.

Support is freaking crucial.

Your doula will be the one helping make your birth plan a reality, or as close to it at possible. She will be the one to soothe you. She'll help push you to your goal of a natural delivery, or she'll advocate for swift relief if you want meds. She comes bearing ice chips, warm towels for massage, and a soothing aura.

She's your voice. She's your eyes and ears. She supports you and baby, and her interests lie only in making sure you and baby are as comfortable and happy as possible.

Giving birth is not an easy task, even in the most ideal circumstances.

My Tiger Lily was my easiest delivery, but also my most painful. Because I knew my OB was all about extra interventions and didn't exactly support my desire to go as natural (read: intervention free) as possible, I decided to labor as long as I could at home.

Home became even moreso my happy place after battling hyperemesis as an inpatient--I was beyond elated to have gotten a reprieve from my doctor, because the last week or so of my pregnancy, I saw no doctors, only my midwife and doula. I was able to relax as much as I could in my own bed, with my own linens and pillows. I had birthing ball available. My doula was my support person along with Hubby Namastè, and my midwife was on-call for me, for when we headed in to deliver. (As badly as I wanted a home birth, I would end up going in anyway because I had to address my hip--pregnancy and degenerative joint disorder aren't really good together.)

As apprehensive as I was about the hospital, having my midwife and doula there made it all much easier to handle. My midwife did everything she could to make sure baby and I were safe, and my doula made sure my wishes were acknowledged.

I didn't have an elaborate birth plan though. I just wanted minimal intervention, NO obstetrician interference unless we absolutely needed it (my OB would not have "allowed" me to labor naturally, and it would be purely for convenience on his part because there was never an indication of need for a cesarean), and an uninterrupted golden hour. Because we knew Tiger Lily was healthy, we wanted as little poking and prodding as possible during that first hour--all she needed was to have skin to skin and breastfeed, and anyone would have to fight me tooth and nail to interrupt that time with her.

Postpartum anxiety often manifests itself antepartum, before the baby arrives. In my case, it definitely did. I desperately needed the golden hour, actually the whole period immediately after delivery, to sort of ground myself and bond with my baby. I needed to hold her and stare at her, feed her and snuggle her, so I could really get in sync with her. I was absolutely convinced I would not be able to bond with her because the whole pregnancy was so tough.

My doula made sure we had that time, and it was pretty amazing. It was love at first sight (and confidence eventually showed itself). My baby had a beautiful latch with no coaching! She looked right at me with those big Karunanithy eyes like, "I know you. You will take care of me."

I probably would have missed that if my OB had gotten his way. I would've been sedated and the baby would have spent that crucial time in the nursery with strangers.

The baby was definitely right, by the way. I definitely would take care of her. I was able to, part by instinct, part by desire, and part because my doula gave me little comforts that led to a big boost of confidence.

Even though Tiger Lily is our third baby, every delivery experience has brought its own challenges and circumstances. I didn't have a doula before, so I didn't understand just how important having your person could be. Because she was there specifically to comfort me, my husband was able to focus on the baby. (He was a huge comfort to me as well, but while I focused on our delivery, he could make sure everything else was in order--he could advocate for the baby too, which gave her a team of 3 right off the bat!)

Tiger Lily came into this crazy world almost exactly as we wanted: peacefully, without unnecessary interventions like excessive meds (I didn't have any) or an unwarranted interruption of bonding.

I can definitely say having that bit of extra during delivery helped pave the way for good bonding. Tiger Lily and I had a wild road, but there isn't a sweeter baby girl to be found. She looks at me with those big Karunanithy eyes and I just melt.

Thanks to my doula, I didn't worry during labor and delivery. No more than the typical stuff. Because I knew this person was here specifically for and about me, without any responsibility the other things my Hubby had to take care of, I felt like I had an ally.

Note: Again, I stress that my husband was there every step, from me peeing on the stick to us leaving the hospital together as parents of three instead of two! It's just that he had to be responsible for me, our older kids, the paperwork, and of course the new baby too. My doula literally only had to be concerned with me, my comfort, and making sure I was okay every step of our delivery. The difference is clear: hubby took care of the family, but Doula Wonderful took care of me.

As a woman who lives largely without women (my mother-in-love and sisters-in-love live too far to have been available without some heavy planning), my doula was as necessary as air to breathe or food to eat. I needed that connection. I needed to be mother ed as I became a mother, if that makes sense. Doula Wonderful provided that,  and if I had to do it all again and pay her triple, I wouldn't hesitate.

...

I believe doulas should be standard for women giving birth.